Post # 1
My fI and I are pretty low key. I’m a huge introvert and he isn’t much more social – but we’re going to have over 125 people at the wedding (inviting 160) because of our large families and FI’s largish circle of friends. I know it sounds silly but while I realize the wedding is about us, I want to take us out of the spotlight wherever possible. I’m listing some traditions we are including, and some that we are considering cutting – are there any that you’d miss if you were attending a wedding? For a bit of background, we are having an outdoors religous ceremony in the morning (10am) directly followed by a brunch reception (11am-2pm) followed shortly therafter by a smaller “afterparty” at my parent’s house. We’re keeping morning events quite formal (really nice venue, live band, morning suit for groom, encourage daytime formal dress for guests) then getting much more casual for the afterparty.
Traditions we really like and want to include
- Bridesmaids luncheon a day or two before
- Rehearsal Dinner the night before
- first look & photos prior to ceremony
- Bridal Party – though it won’t be all girls on my side/guys on his side, we are having 3-4 attendants on each side.
- First dance
Traditions we’re still up in the air about
- Cake Cutting
- Champagne toast by hosts and BM/MOH
- Mother/Son and Father/Daughter dances (of course we will dance with our parents, just maybe not with a spotlight by ourselves on the dancefloor?)
- How to handle our seating (we definitely don’t want a sweetheart table, but don’t really want a head table either and don’t want to separate wedding party from their dates/family – maybe just a regular round table with us, our parents and officiants?)
Traditions we definitely don’t want
- Big Annoucement when we come into the reception
- Bouquet / Garter Toss
- Kissing on demand
- Any sort of slide show etc.
Post # 3
@sweet5k: I think it’s totally okay to skip the things you don’t want, since you want to go low key. Those are things that nobody will really miss. In regards to seating – it’s okay if you guys just want to sit with your family/friends! 🙂 Best of luck to you in your planning!
Post # 4
I’m the same way as you! I really hate to be the center of attention! I’ll be watching this post for sure!
What we’ve decided to do for the cake cutting is to serve the cake to guests ourselves instead of a receiving line. We’re having only about 60 guests, so we’ll actually cut the whole cake ourselves instead of doing the ~cut the first slice~ hulabaloo. With a party your size, it would probably be easier to have someone else cut it, and you could just hand it to your guests as they walk past the table.
Post # 5
How formal is your wedding going to be? What general type of reception do you have planned?
Post # 6
This is your wedding! You can do or not do whatever you want. If you are shy, then don’t let wedding traditions make you feel uncomfortable. Enjoy your day.
Post # 8
For all the replies – I get that it’s my wedding and it should be what I want, but I also want it to feel like a wedding to my guests. So the question I think I’m asking is what do you expect at weddings. What traditions would you miss if they aren’t included?
Since you asked about formality – and I love describing my plans – @Duncan: We are going for a formal daytime wedding.
As far as clothing: Groom, Fathers and men in the wedding party will all be wearing morning suits (I’m from US, but found a small tux rental company near me that has morning suits – so happy). I will be in a long, traditional wedding dress with gloves & a veil, but we’re looking for something lace or similar which we feel is nice looking in the morning. Bridesmaids will be in long chiffon dresses, gloves & hats. I don’t really care what the mothers wear as long as they keep it the same level of formality. I won’t have a “dress code” per se for the guests, but will spread by word of mouth that daytime formal will be very appropriate.
As far as food: We’ll be having a brunch reception, so no seated dinner, but there will be some buffet (fruit, breads, etc.) specialty stations (omelet station, carving station, pasta station) a served salad and tiered wedding cake. White glove service. We are having a limited open bar with breakfast cocktails (mimosas, bellinis, bloody marys), wine, beer, soda and juice.
As for entertainment: Live band (mostly swing/jazz)
As for place/decor: The atmosphere is really nice, the ceremony will be in a nicely manicured English-style garden. There are gardens and fountains outdoors that the guests can walk around in. Inside looks like a really nice catering hall, nice fireplace, dance floor, linens etc. We’ll be doing a variety of flower centerpieces that I will diy.
Post # 9
@sweet5k: I love all of your ideas! It’s a breath of fresh air from the dramatic extravaganzas weddings tend to be these days. Something low key sounds offbeat and romantic.
Post # 10
@sweet5k: Ok, in that case:
I’d keep the cake cutting and the MOH/Best Man toasts.
Seating… you could go either way, as it’s a buffet. Assigned seating is more formal, and general seating less formal. An English garden is much more formal than most outdoor venues, but I think on that one just do what feels best to you. If you want to relax that element, people will feel relaxed. If you want to make it formal, people will feel fancy and important. It’s a win either way.
The dances – they are unecessary, but, if they don’t bother you, I would also see how important they are to your father and his mother. You could always do both at the same time, and choose a short song, so that it only lasts 90 seconds, and the announcement can be simple and to the point, and you can just get started and get on with it.
Post # 11
@Duncan: Thanks for your ideas. We are definitely doing assigned seating, no place cards at the tables, but will have escort cards assigning people to a table. I should have been more specific, the seating style that is in question is for me and my FI. Neither of us likes sweetheart tables, which are the norm where I live. We really don’t love the idea of a head table either because everyone in the bridal party is part of a couple or family and we would rather not separate them. We like the idea of the English style head table that includes parents, grandparents and officiants, however we’re not sure how we feel about everyone being “on display” so we’re wondering if it would be weird to seat ourselves, parents, grandparent and officiants at a normal round table like everyone elses.
I get your point about the toasts and cake cutting – we will keep considering those.
Post # 12
@sweet5k: I think that might be unusual, but I would not consider it in any way inelegant. It maintains the more intimate atmosphere you seem to be after. I would not, personally, consider it informal; it’s just a touch more relaxed. I think that’s an excellent choice. Perhaps position it next to the wedding party’s table, or between a bridal party table, and a groom’s party table, each seating both the parties and their guests.