(Closed) We're Having a Hard Time Adjusting….Did You?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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MelTay:  How long have you been with him, and how do you feel about cohabitation before being engaged?

When I started my last semester of college, it felt like between classes and my internship that I wasn’t going to see my SO enough. So I decided to move in with him, even though we had only been together for three months. That’s not something I necessarily recommend, but 3 years later we’re happily married!

Post # 4
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Restaurant

I had a similar experience. Around my last year of college (3 or 4 years ago) I had a lot of free time while my now Fiance had a lot of work -final project, exams, qualifications, etc. We were not living together, so it was very hard. We decided to compromise giving our relationship at least one day a week just to enjoy each other’s company. It was weird and a lot of people question it, but it worked for us: one day a week -usually Saturdays- it would be only about him and I. We would go to the movies, drink coffee, spend the day just talking, etc. The rest of the time we would “keep in contact” by leaving each other private messages on FB, cellphone, brief calls thru the day (5 minutes or less). Give it a try 🙂 otherwise, maybe living together might be a great way to solve your problem.

Post # 5
Member
780 posts
Busy bee

We had a long distance relationship prior to marriage. We saw each other 2 nights a week.  Now that we’re married, we still see each other 2 or 3 nights a week and we live together! It takes some getting used to, and some sacrifice on both of our parts (me staying up late and him getting up early) if we want to see each other more regularly, and we devote a lot of our weekend time to spending time together to make up for the time during the week that we can’t see each other. I think you’ll adjust, but I can testify that it definitely takes work and adjustment.

Post # 6
Member
836 posts
Busy bee

So met in college, my second year and his last. To complete his minor, though, he was there for one additional semester. We had been together a year and a half when he graduated and moved 1-1.5 hours away. It was a hard change and it was winter so getting to each other’s place was rough. That lasted for  1 1/2 years and we got used to seeing each other on the weekends. We weren’t misreable wiht life though- we both loved out commitments (him with work, and me with school). I think that if you’re having trouble with this in a few months, to reconsider jobs and such. It’s a hard transition, but it is usually bittersweet.

Post # 7
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

It definitely takes some getting used to. It’s never going to feel ideal, but the fact that you have a stay-at-home job is pretty amazing. Try not to let go of feeling gratitude for the flexibility in your life. It will come in handy in the future. 

And who knows, maybe one day down the road he’ll find a way to work from home too. But in the meantime, just make your peace with it and try to spend as much time together as you can in the evenings.

Post # 8
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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MelTay:  Sounds like real life to me! It’s nice you have a job where you can stay at home…can you go meet up with him for lunch since you’re flexible? Both my Fiance and I were older coming in to our relationship and already had established careers so nothing really changed for us. We both work during the day and while we are lucky enough to grab lunch together sometimes, we mostly just see each other nights and weekends (as I imagine most people do.) Sometimes it is exhausting at the end of the day when you go to work full time, work out, and do all the “wifey” crap around the house! I can understand feeling like you may not get enough time with each other or at least as much as you used to during college. Just spend whatever time you can together and enjoy it. 

Post # 9
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

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MelTay:  We went through this. DH and I met in college, so while we were in college we were able to spend a ton of time together in between classes.  Then, we graduated from college and he got a job right away. I went to grad school. So, I know pretty much exactly how you feel. It is definitely an adjustment, but you will get used to it.  The nice part is that there is no more wondering about what it will be like in the future–this is what its like! And, because you don’t live together yet, it will only get better once you get married and get to move in and spend more time together. 

Post # 10
Member
760 posts
Busy bee

 

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MelTay:  I can sympathize. During my last semester of college last year, I was taking 6 classes, working part time in the mornings, and had classes that went until 7 some nights. My Fiance knew that I just wanted to get it done though and finish strong. We didn’t live together until after I graduated since I felt that while I was in school, I should live at home. Plus my mom’s house was way closer to my school than his house was (I was a commuter). We just had to make the time. He would come over and eat dinner with me when I got home and then we would watch one of our shows together. It might have only been an hour that I saw him that day, but I feel like that made our time together more intimate since we wanted to be close and catch up 🙂 Just find that one or two hours when nothing is going on for both of you and sit on the couch and be cose.

Post # 11
Member
3031 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

It’s tough transitioning from college life to real life but you can do it! What you’re doing now sounds pretty normal for a couple that doesn’t live together and both work. 

I see my fiance usually Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays from about 6-9. Then mostly all day on Saturdays and Sundays.  Sometimes less if I have a meeting on a weekday evening or if he makes plans with friends on the weekend (or vise versa) doing something I don’t want to do. 

When we get married this probably won’t change too much, except that I’ll see him at night when he comes home and goes to bed on Mondays and Fridays, haha.

Post # 12
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is normal! College is a special time before real life hits. Most adults don’t get to spend all day together in the real world. I think it makes the time you do spend together more special and valuable, though. Good luck! 

Post # 13
Member
4757 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, you just get used to it and you find ways to make your time together meaningful. DH and I live together (obviously), but we only see each other in the morning for about 30 mins (and DH isn’t really “alive” in the morning), for about 1-3 hours 4 evenings a week, Saturday mornings, and if we’re really lucky that week, on Sundays. It’s part of being working adults.

However, we make an effort to eat dinner together (even if it’s a 9 pm), and we try to go on one date each week, whichr really helps.

Post # 14
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

Whenever there’s a change like that it takes some transition time and you just have to find new ways to make your relationship a priority. For DH and I it was a challenge when we saw each other more often actually. When we saw each other less every day was date night so when we saw each other daily it was getting used to the every day moments and having to plan date nights. My best advice is just try to make one day a week just for the two of you, even if it’s a cheap date or just some quality time without phones or distractions. 

The other advice for when you’re lonely is find something that interests you. Hang out with friends, take up a hobby, read that book you’ve been wanting to read, take a nice long bath, or blare your favorite songs and dance. 

Post # 15
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

 I started working a night shift job right out of college. It was the hardest thing in the world, I had to leave the house by 5:30pm to be at work on time and DH came home around 4:30. So we were LUCKY to see each other an hour a day. There were so many times where he was a little late because of work or traffic. when I came home in the middle of the night/morning, obviously he was sleeping and then when he went into work in the morning (7am) I would be sleeping. It was terrible. Especially since we were at the very beginning of our relationship, wanting to see each other as much as possible. I actually got very depressed to the point where I was contemplating Quiting (there were a bunch of other factors as wel that played into that). I went in to put my 2 weeks in and they worked out a new schedule for me, early Morning. So now I wake up every morning 3:30am and work until 1pm. working nights was not something we could get used to. It was just physically impossible to have any sort of a growing relationship never seeing each other. This new shift, it took a lot of time to adjust to. I have to go to sleep by 7:30pm, but at least I get some extra time with him. And this way I can also nap I the afternoon and stay up later to see him.

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