Post # 1
Ok, so we’re in a pickle. We are getting married next December in Walt Disney World. We’ve decided to hold the reception at the Napa Room at the Contemporary Hotel on the Disney property. The space can hold up to 50 people. The preliminary guest list came in at around 60 people but we figured at least ten of those people won’t be able to come. Now, my problem; we are inviting around 12 children (ages 3-19). These children are either family or very close family friends; we couldn’t imagine having the wedding without them there. However, we have a few guests that have children we cannot invite due to the space issues. I have no idea how to go about asking them to leave their children back in Boston when we are having a wedding in Disney World (of all places). Is there a polite way to ask them to leave the little ones behind? Since I can’t invite their children, do I send an invitation at all? Oh the guilt!
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
You can safely invite family who are kids. But to allow certain friends to bring their children and not allow the same courtesy for other friends is pretty rude and disrespectful, In My Humble Opinion. Family is family. People get that. But once you start slicing and dicing your friends like that, you are no longer in safe territory.
Post # 4
Just address their invites to the parents only, and make your RSVPs say we have — spaces reserved for you, and fill in the blank for the number avalible hopefully they will get the hint.
Post # 5
IF you do not invite the kids of these other guests, and they see the other kids that aren’t family, be prepared for some anger and resentment. Plus, they might not even come if they can’t bring the kids.
Personally, if you aren’t going to invite THEIR kids, but other people’s kids (friends’ kids especially), then you shouldn’t invite the parents either.
Post # 6
Honestly if you invited me to a wedding in Disney World and not my kids (if I had any) I would probably just say no to avoid them freaking out about being denied a trip to disney world- maybe that’s just me (because I know that’s what I woulda done as a kid if my parents left me at home to go to disney world!)
Post # 7
Honestly, I don’t think any parents are going to go to Disney for a wedding and leave their kids at home.
Post # 9
I think, especially beacause it is at Disney, if you invite some you have to invite all situation.
I don’t think there is a nice way to invite any parents to Disney but to leave their kids at home!
Post # 10
I think you’re treading into dangerous territory, but most of all I agree with PP that I wouldn’t consider going to a wedding at Disney and not taking my kids (if I had any). Disney is not my cup of tea but it’s like a kiddie Graceland. Seems kind of unfair, you know?
That being said, this is your wedding. If you want to have family and close friends’ kids and exclude others, that is your choice to make. The etiquette gods might disagree, but at the end of the day you’re the ultimate decision maker. Just be very prepared for angry responses and/or people who disregard your request and bring kids anyway.
Post # 11
@lovekiss: I agree, kind of…
The family friends we are inviting are practically family, we’ve had a relationship with them for most of our life. The other friends we are inviting are military friends, who we are close with but have only known for a couple years. Does that make a difference? (probably not)
Post # 12
In this instance? I’d call it all or nothing. It would be heartbreaking for a child to know that their parents are going to Disney World and didn’t take them along, especially if there were other children there. You could always do a B list for the people with children.
Post # 13
It doesn’t in my eyes and here’s why. You obviously are having an intimate Destination Wedding wedding with 50 people. My BF did the same thing and everyone there were people that they were very close with and cared for deeply. After all, those are the people that will travel for you and do all this especially around Christmas if that’s your real date. I would feel if I was one of your guests whose children are not invited that I’m special enough to invite but not my children? Yes I would be hurt and offended and would not go.
Post # 14
The guest list is yours, and you are able to invite any children you choose, and leave off any children you choose, but be prepared for hurt feelings among friends if you allow the “well behaved children of John and Sue” to come, but “Peggy and Matt’s son who doesn’t sit still and will probably throw peas during the reception, plus we don’t know him as well” doesn’t make the cut. – Peggy and Matt, if they attend at all, may have a strained relationship with you for a while once they realize that it wasn’t that you didn’t have room for friends’ children, it was that you didn’t have room for THEIR child.
Now, they certainly could bring their pea throwing angel to Orlando, find a nice sitter in the hotel and hope that the resort’s child care service is as good as advertised… but, if they aren’t so close to you that you don’t feel you can’t celebrate without their child, they might not feel that you aren’t so close to them that they absolutely MUST be in attendance at your wedding.
Guest lists are tough – especially in small venues. There isn’t anything wrong with limiting them. But there also isn’t anything wrong with guests politely declining an invitation if the situation will not work for them. Try to keep that in mind, and do whatever you think will work best, and be the most kind and welcoming to your guests.
Post # 15
Can you offer a babysitter during the ceremony and reception for those parents who want to bring their kids to Disney, but for whom you won’t have room to fit into the wedding?
Post # 16
I don’t think I’d go to Disneyworld and leave my kids at home if I had any. That just seems really mean. I was going to say the same as @soupycat, that couldn’t you set up a babysitter or alternate activity just during the wedding that the kids could go to? Even if there was a fee for the parents, it might be a thought.