(Closed) We’re inviting children to our wedding… just not yours…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
15523 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree, theres no way I’d go to a wedding in Disney of all places and not bring my children if I had any.  I’d send the invitation if you want, but be prepared that many may say no.

Post # 18
Member
7305 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

View original reply
@sizzi09: No, it doesn’t really help. If I was one of your military friends,tThe message I would receive is that my kid doesn’t count. As a protective Mama Bear, that would breaksmy heart more than hearing that *I* don’t count. As a friend, I would be hurt. And I don’t think wedding invitations should ever be hurtful.

I would find a way to invite all kids and provide childcare for them during the wedding and reception.

As a fellow small wedding person, I really do feel for you. We implemented a policy of kids only if they are family. This means that the kids of our friends, whom we adore, will not be there. But it simply isn’t a very kid friendly environment. So the only kids there will be teen LK and my 20 month old nephew.

Post # 19
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

It’s rude and offensive to play favorites when inviting kids, as they are all or none. Be prepared for many folks to be highly offended and either decline your invite or bar you from family events in the future.

Post # 20
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wow, I’d find that really mean. I’d NEVER go to a wedding at Disney and not take my kids.

I think you are for sure heading into Dangerous Areas with this. The only thing that would make it better would be to offer a babysitter so that they aren’t left out totally.

Post # 22
Member
3361 posts
Sugar bee

There are two issues here 1) etiquette and 2) hurt feelings.

You are fully within the guides of etiquette to invite whomever you choose.  You can invite some kids and not others, even if they are the same level of closeness.  Etiquette says that hosts can choose the guest list in whatever way they like.

But that doesn’t mean that guests won’t be hurt to not be invited.  And they are not wrong to feel that way.  I do think that it will be difficult for guests to attend your Disney wedding and not bring their children, and I do think there will be many hurt feelings to see many children at the wedding when theirs were left behind.

I think it has the potential to appear gift grabby (not saying that it is, just that it has the potential to appear that way).  You are inviting people who are more likely then not going to decline because they can’t go on a disney vacation without their kids (or most won’t), but by inviting them many people feel obligated to send a gift.

Post # 23
Member
6002 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

ok i just read your response where you say your date is one week before xmas. I know everyone has the right to choose whichever date they please but thats asking quite a lot of people to go to disney for a wedding one week before the xmas holidays without thier children. I assume there is some reason no matter what it is that you picked this date but I know in my family I would have a very low turn out at my wedding, kids or no kids. In answer to your question I for sure agree its a hard thing to do to ask people to attend your wedding without thier children, in disney, one week before xmas. I do not think there is a polite way to invite some and not all. I agree that if you are going to do anything it should be an all or nothing type deal and a sitter sounds like a great option for those that do bring thier children. My question though is how do you say which kids have to stay with the sitter and which kids can go to the dinner? this is why I say it would have to be an all or nothing deal.

Post # 24
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee

I second the childcare option. 

Post # 25
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

The parents may bring their kids anyway, and hire a babysitter to hang out with them during the wedding. But once they come to the wedding and see plenty of kids… they’re going to be pissed. I would be. And I don’t even like kids!

Post # 26
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@sizzi09:  I think offering child care is definitely the way to go.  Destination weddings are often a chance for guests to enjoy a vacation as well.  With Disney, that means a vacation with the family.

Does your Disney coordinator/planner have any suggestions for daycare services?  Maybe they could arrange a few hours at DisneyQuest during the ceremony/reception, or have some play activities in a nearby room at the Contemporary (if parents are uncomfortable letting their child go off to a park with a stranger). 

 

Post # 27
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ok, first of all I disagree andielovesj that inviting someone who you think may not come bc they have kids is gift grabby.  I have several friends who I knew would not be able to attend my wedding (due to another friends wedding being 2 weeks before mine and both require my east coast friends to travel) and I dont think it was gift grabby.  You invite people because you want them to be a part of your day.  To not invite someone because you dont think they will come may make them feel worse.  They can come and bring a gift, come and not bring a gift, not come and send a gift or do nothing at all – either way its fine but I certainly wouldn’t not invite someone because I knew they couldnt come.

Second, I have invited several children (family and friends) and also not invited some peoples children.  It typically depended on if the person was traveling or not (since I know its not easy for people to leave children for a weekend).  I found that every person with kids asked me first if children were welcome – to which I was honest.  I also, for those who are bringing there kids, am offering a hotel room (at the reception site) which will be empty for the night, its the room Fiance is staying in the night before the wedding, where their children (those who are bringing) can be watched.  If I have enough people bringing children I will offer to provide a sitter!  

Just my opinion.  I didn’t want kids at my reception at all but I realized that wasn’t an option.  I have told each of my friends (not FI’s) who is bringing a child that I want them to still be able to have fun with me for the night!

Post # 28
Member
3361 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@jboltz19: I think you misread my post.  I very clearly said “it has the POTENTIAL to APPEAR gift grabby”  I think some people will interpret it this way.  I would in no way attend a Disney wedding the week before Christmas without my children, nor would most people I know.  So some people (who may be wrong) can interpret it to mean “I just want your gift”.

There is a difference between something appearing X way and it actually being that way. 

Post # 29
Member
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Im all for doing things the way you want to, but this has disaster written all over it. Disney, a week before Xmas and A-list  friends kids vs B-list friends kids. No way. Either offer babysitting or revise your list.

Post # 30
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@andielovesj:  you’re right, I did misread, apologies.

I do wonder what people would prefer…get an invite or not get an invite if the couple was worried you would view it as gift grabby!  Topic for another post! 🙂

Post # 31
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I know the Disney resorts have a babysitting service. You could make it known that because of space issues the kids aren’t invited to the wedding, but if it’s in your budget, you could offer to pay for in-room child care or let it be known that it’s an option (assuming they stay in a WDW resort).

The topic ‘We’re inviting children to our wedding… just not yours…’ is closed to new replies.

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