(Closed) We’re inviting children to our wedding… just not yours…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I seem to have a differing opinion from PPs, partially. Sure, I understand some friends will be disappointed to see other friends’ children, but not there’s were invited to attend. But, some parents might bring the kids and find a sitter (though, yes, if you provide it, it would be 100 times better). Also, some parents might welcome the adult time, away from their kids– but this doesn’t prohibit the parents from extending the visit to include time at Disney for the kids. And just to be clear, just because the wedding is at Disney doesn’t mean there are rides or Mickey included.

If you explain it’s because of space constraints (and it really is), then you’ll be fine.

Post # 33
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

I generally don’t agree with any children at weddings (family or no family) but since it’s disney world i guess i get it.

at the end of the day it’s your wedding and you can invite who you want.

 

but i agree with the babysitter idea. why not arrange for some childcare for the other kids?

honestly i don’t think a lot of people would leave the kids behind for a disney world wedding..

Post # 34
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

View original reply
@Mrs. Gremmlin: There aren’t rides or Mickey Mouse involved, but with over a year to go, parents may try to kill two birds with one stone and plan a Disney vacation around the wedding. I’m having a destination wedding (with a stop at Disney World) too and our families are planning a vacation around our wedding, which is part of the reason we are taking more than a year to plan.

Post # 35
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My advice would be to suggest that they bring their kids to Disney but then provide child care for them while they attend the wedding.  It would be a way for the kids to come to Disney (I mean, c’mon.  How guilty do you think they’d feel if they went to Disney without their kiddos).  That way it could be made into a family vacation that and the parents could attend your wedding without guilt.  I do think that for this to work you would need to foot the bill for childcare.

Post # 36
Member
4652 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have 2 kids and if they were not invited to a disney wedding there is NO WAY we would go. Yes I understand that you are not going to hav mickey mouse and all that at the wedding but If i was going to disney land my kids would be going too or we wouldnt be going at all… and I would be PISSED to find out my kids were not “good enough” to make the cut.

Post # 37
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m usually way on the side of leave-your-children-at-home, but I think even I wouldn’t leave my kids behind if the wedding was at Disney. Especially if I lived in Boston and didn’t often get to take my kids there.

The space issue is definitely legitimate though – Maybe suggest they find a sitter if they want their kids? Or go an extra step and hire one for them?

Post # 38
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with @stardustintheeyes  – even with the sitter, it should be all or nothing. You can’t have some kids with a sitter and some in a meal when they are all at Disney. Can you not have all of the kids for part of the day and then when the meal takes place all the kids go elsewhere and have junk food and fun?

Post # 40
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@sizzi09: I think that if you write a nice letter to the families explaining that you would love for the FAMILIES to join you for as much or as little of the vacation as the are able, in honor of your wedding you’ll avoid many hurt feelings. 

I do think you need to be quite clear that you’ll be inviting some children, but not *these* children to ONE evening of events.  Don’t tip-toe around it, but be polite about it.  It isn’t because you don’t like the kids (this became more apparent throughout the thread) it’s because they aren’t family or “like family” to you. 

It would be nice if you were able to arrange for something for these non-invited kids to do that evening, but if it isn’t in your budget, you need to at least be prepared with a list of affordable (and reliable!) options for child care in a “strange” city – in case you’re asked!

Few of us get a 100% positive RSVP list (I’m not sure every bride wants one!) and I do think some of your guests might choose to decline your invitation, but I suspect it will have little to do with hurt feelings and more to do with busy schedules or other issues in their lives.

Good luck to you!  I’m glad that you are following your heart even if it’s telling you something different than most of us did.  Remember to be kind, respectful and generous towards your guests and it will be hard to upset the people you love and who love you most in this world.

Post # 41
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

How many children will not be able to attend the dinner you are planning?  Do you speak to these parents on a regular basis?  If they are all military families you may be stressing out over nothing since this is the hardest time to get off so many of them may not be able to make it or plan on using their leave to see their own families at the holidays.    

Post # 42
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

I just thought I would throw this out there.  If you are close with the children of family friends, why aren’t these lil guys considered guests, rather than tag alongs of their parents.  If people thought about it this way, perhaps we wouldn’t have guest complaining as to why their stranger children weren’t invited somewhere.  AKA it’s not an entire family affair, rather we invited people we know and love (aka not our aquaintances’ children)

Post # 43
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i think you are perfectly fine including and not including whoever you want.

i am having a disney wedding also (an escape package, so my guest count has to be even lower than yours), so i know exactly what you are going through with disney and their rules about guest count maximums in the different venues.

and i’m assuming most of your guests are going to make this trip into a vacation. just because their kids can’t come to the wedding, doesn’t mean they will miss out on disney world.

Post # 44
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would rather not receive an invite. How would I ever tell my 3 year that not only are we going on vacation without you, we’re going to Disneyworld. That would be horrific. I am usually one for, if you don’t want the kids there who cares if others are upset it’s your day, but in this instance I do feel differently about it.  

If you were a close family member or something, perhaps I would bring a baby sitter with us, but then you’re asking me to spend money for an extra person as well as attending your Destination Wedding. That’s a lot.

Post # 45
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Are there some people that you “know” will not make it so you can actually invite them all??

Post # 46
Member
4799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think there is another option here – just because all people’s children aren’t invited doesn’t mean they have to stay home in Boston. Disney offers great ‘fairy godmothers’ who babysit, they’ll even take your kids to the park for you (if given permission, of course). Perhaps you could offer to pay for these sitters for those whose children aren’t invited to the actual wedding.

I see nothing wrong with including children you’re close to. I know it can get tricky with people’s feelings. But I truly don’t see how it’s anything different than inviting the friends you’re close to and not others.

Oh, and super jealous here – I would LOVE to get married at Disney and that room’s view is amazing. But in just two weeks and one day I’ll be at the Contemporary for my honeymoon =)

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