(Closed) We’re not engaged but his sister is…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think so at all!  Do they have an offical date at all?  I would try to stay away from their time of the year just to be safe but nothing says they have to get married first (especially since they still haven’t done much after being engaged a year.

Post # 4
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your Boyfriend or Best Friend should talk to his siter and see how she feels about it. Once you get engaged, it might just get them moving a little more quickly. If not maybe she will give the green light to go ahead.

Post # 5
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I definitely wouldn’t be concerned about getting engaged at this point. Just make sure you ask them if they had a specific date in mind before you choose one. If they do, make sure you don’t plan your wedding too close to theirs. Other than that, go ahead! You definitely shouldn’t have to wait to start your life together due to their engagement!

Post # 6
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t worry too much about it.  Your situation sounds pretty similar to FI’s brother and girlfriend.  They’ve been together like 4 or 5 years, but haven’t ever really talked about getting married.  Fiance and I’ve had been together 2 years when he proposed.  Now that Fiance and I are planning a wedding suddenly FBIL’s girlfriend is talking about their wedding.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  Like the other bees said, once you all get engaged have Fiance ask his sister if they have a date/time of year in mind then start planning for something that avoids that if they have it.

Post # 7
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think if they got engaged a while ago, then it’s fine for you to get engaged. My brother proposed to his Girlfriend of 3 months 6 weeks after I got engaged, and I’m afraid I did a total bridezilla and flipped out. I couldn’t help it, I was just furious. But if it had been 6 months afterwards, I wouldn’t have minded at all. 

Just make sure you have a proper talk with them before you set your date (possibly talk directly to the other bride, men can be a bit rubbish about these things!)

If possible, try and set your dates a good few months apart, too. 

Post # 8
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with the others that it’s fine to start planning, especially since they got engaged last year.

Post # 9
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one…

I’m not engaged (yet), although I have to say, we definitely slowed our conversations about it after my boyfriend’s older sister got engaged a year ago…though the slowing definitely wasn’t from my end!  We talked about it, and he thinks she would be jealous of taking “her time” if we got engaged (although she’s planned her wedding date for my birthday!).  I understand sibling rivalry, but it has me questioning whether he will always listen to her ahead of me, or worse, whether he wants to marry me in the first place!  We talk about it some still, but it seems he’s really put everything re us on hold for her.  She is seven years older, so he does really look up to her, but still….

It’s comforting to know other people are going through similar things, though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!  In my opinion, life is too short to put things on hold for too long.  It sounds like you are trying to be considerate of her feelings, and aside from making sure your wedding dates aren’t the same, I really think it’s okay, and should be a happy time for all!!

 

 

Post # 10
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@glamfish500:  You don’t need to plan your life around anyone else’s engagement.  You’re not being “rude” to proceed or “polite” by waiting. 

Post # 11
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Start your planning.  Don’t wait for anyone else.  If you wait for this person’s engagement, there may be another to follow and you could be sitting around waiting for other people for years!  Live in the moment. 

Post # 12
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think it’s fair game.  It’s too hard to plan your life around what somebody else may or may not do.  My husband’s sister had been dating her boyfriend for 10 years when we got engaged.  We waited an extra year to try to “let” them go first, but it just didn’t happen.  They got engaged last weekend, but had we actually tried to out wait them, we probably wouldn’t have gotten married until at LEAST 2012.

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