- 6 years ago
I saw him this weekend (we’re long distance) and talked to him about the concerns I mentioned in a recent post. Just getting the courage to bring it up was the hardest part, trying to find the right moment. I simply said something along the lines of that I was still concerned about whether we were on the same page, because I had been assuming we would probably get engaged around the time we move to the same city, and that I was concerned that he could be operating on a completely different wavelength and be thinking years down the road. This is because he NEVER talks directly about engagement, marriage, rings, anything.
He closed his eyes and was laughing and got this awkward grin on his face and said “I refuse to answer that question.” Finally he said “look, we’re on the same page, ok?” Given that when I first brought up the idea of engagement about 6 months ago he got upset, this is a huge relief. So not exactly a timeline, because getting to the same city is dependent on transferring jobs- but I know I am waiting on logistics, not indifference on his part!
FWIW, two things I’ve observed that may help other waiting bees:
1. I think 1 or 2 very direct conversations are often more productive and less “naggy” than constant hinting, and more likely to let you know what he’s really thinking.
2. Try to remember that your guy is an individual- I was concerned because all my friends’ fiances and husbands were totally upfront about their plans for engagement, so I wrongly assumed that because my guy wasn’t talking about it he wasn’t thinking about it.