Post # 1
… and I have no idea what to do. I’m not sure what category I should have posted this in, but this whole thing IS making me emotional.
We sent out 23 Save-The-Date Cards back in October. Those measley 23 Save-The-Date Cards ended up covering about 73 people (families, couples). Back when I sent the Save-The-Date Cards, I just figured that a lot of people would not be able to make it to the wedding due to it being a 4.5 hour drive and having to pay for accomodations since the wedding is late. Well, now, so many people have contacted me telling me that they’ve taken the dates off from work and have already made travel arrangments.
For the plated dinner, we have an absolute limit of 50 guests. I’m sure the venue will work with us if we’re a few people over, but definitely not more than 60 people. The plated dinner is much cheaper than the buffet. If all of these people end up showing up, then we’ll have to do the buffet, which will end up being over $1,000 more than what we’re planning to pay.
Future Mother-In-Law told me to just not send invitations to some of the people I sent Save-The-Date Cards to, and play stupid when they ask. Which, I’m definitely not going to do.
I just hope this all works out. This whole guest list thing has gotten so far out of control. I’ve got people messaging and commenting me on FB saying, “I’d better be invited to your wedding!”
Post # 3
I think you’ve made the right decision in sending invites to all people you sent STD’s to. If that means you’ll have to go for the buffet, I think you’re just going to have to cut your losses & keep it classy.
As for people who you did not send Save-The-Date Cards to & are inviting themselves to your wedding: Fuck ’em (excuse me!!). You’re already over capacity… there’s no space. That’s all they need to know.
Post # 4
Oh man, I am so sorry. Guest lists and seating charts are the worst.
If it makes you feel any better, you really might be surprised by who actually comes. We had some people that we absolutely thought were coming that ended up sending us regrets. We sent out 80 invites and had 63 people come.
Good luck! As bad as it sounds, I’ll keep my fingers crossed that some people don’t want to come. lol
Post # 5
@Pinksapphire: I am over too (and also dealing with rude people that I barely know demanding invites). I know that it sounds horrible, but I am really hoping that those extra 20 people rsvp no. The only reason that I invited them is so I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings, and they are family whether we are close or not. I just have this sinking feeling that they will all come, and bring friends or something! Don’t you love how your small, intimate affair (our top # was 75) turns into a circus? Good luck! If you find a polite way to deter people PLEASE let me know!
Post # 6
If it makes you feel better, we had two declines and a couple of maybes (one from my brother! But that’s a long and complicated story and not his fault) before we even sent the invites. There’s still time, things might come up.
Post # 7
We’re just on the verge of sending out Save-The-Date Cards so I have no personal experience, but I’ve read on here about having people RSVP yes and still not show up the day of. I hope it works out for you! We’re cutting it close as well!
Post # 8
Try not to worry so much. I’m sure a handful of people (usually 5-10%) that replied yes will end up not coming. I would probably consider going to a buffet either way to save yourselves money.
Post # 9
Having only 60 out of the 73 guests RSVP yes doesn’t sound too extreme. That is an 82% acceptance rate and you could easily be under that. I would send invites to everyone that received a STD but maybe ask for the replies as soon as possible so you will know how many people you are having a few months prior to the wedding and can adjust accordingly if needed.
Post # 10
We booked our venue (with a max seating of 250) and then made our guest list. (BAD IDEA!!) We ended up at least 30 over what we wanted to attend. 90% of those people were distant distant relatives, plus ones, kids, etc. Just by cutting those out, we were able to squeeze the list down to 229! I recommend sitting down with your Fiance, his parents, your parents and figuring out what you can do to fit everyone. 🙂
Post # 11
Yeah, a lot of the extra people that we’ve got on the guest list now are people I invited out of obligation. Future Mother-In-Law barely speaks to her family. Fiance has only met certain uncles of his a handful of times. I’ve met ONE of them since we’ve been together. That’s how much Future Mother-In-Law avoids her family. But, she wanted me to invite all three of her brothers and their wives. FFIL’s brother has three kids (one of whom is married), and a foreign exchange kid. Their whole entire family is seven people! It’s nuts. There is a family on my side who just ASSumed they were invited, so they took the days off of work, etc (BEFORE I even sent out STDs). That’s a family of seven, too. All I ever wanted this to be was immediate family. I mean, it’d be nice to have everyone we care about there, but it’s completely out of our budget. These people demanding invitations don’t realize how rude they are.
Last week, Fiance went and invited his co-worker (verbally) without even consulting me first. I like his co-worker and his wife, but we cannot accomodate them if we’re having trouble accomodating our nearest and dearest! I did a seating chart on WW the other day, just to show Fiance I’m not kidding. Now, he gets why I’m stressed!
Post # 12
@littlebluebride: I talked to the Future In-Laws last night. I basically just said, “Don’t pressure anyone to come. In fact, don’t even mention the wedding. If people come to you and say they’re coming, fine. If not, don’t call them up reminding them.”
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
You’re right-unless you’ve had a failing out with someone, not sending an invite when you sent a STD will cause drama! Send your invites out early, with a far enough RSVP date, that you can do a B list, or work with your venue to do the buffet. And those “friends” who demand an invite- you can politely say that you’ll be lucky if your venue holds all the family members you’re inviting- maybe they’ll get the hint?
Post # 14
I certainly agree that you need to send invites to people who received Save-The-Date Cards…yikes this is a sticky situation…I bet it will all work out in the end!
Post # 15
sigh. I am going through something similar. I am regretting a small wedding and wishing we picked a bigger venue for fear of this exact thing.
I really believe that when you send out an STD, that person is expecting an invitation. I cant imagine not sending an invite to someone that got an STD unless it was an unusual circumstance.
Why not send out the invitations earlier than you were planning so you can get the RSVP’s and then see if you have to worry? Since the wedding is in July, that would buy you a little extra time to see if you can squeeze everyone in.
Post # 16
Def don’t take FMIL’s advice…I feel like that sets you up for some seriously awkward encounters later on. Could you cut plus ones for people? Would that help the numbers at all? Or kids?