- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
I hate to start off with an emotional rant because I’m new to posting (not so new to the site), but I hope I can be as helpful as you all have been to each other in the hive! You’re wonderful. Anyhow, here goes. I earn twice as much as my fiance. He has a steady job/income, health insurance, and he’s a good, hard, honest and decent worker, great credit, blah, blah, blah, so there’s really no problem there. But he doesn’t have any savings really. Just a tiny bit, which is disappearing because of the wedding. I have some savings, but most of what I have is tied up (downpayment) in my (pretty valuable) home which I bought on my own (also have a smallish mortgage). The rest of the background looks like this — FIs taste and mine clash a bit; we grew up differently. I’m used to (slightly) nicer things than him and used to spending more. I’ve lived better, in nicer homes and towns than him and, like I said, I earn more and am surrounded by very well educated people (who will be invited to the wedding), whereas he is not. I’m not trying to be a snob here; just laying the groundwork for the big blow-up that has happened and my appeal to ya’all for advice. He’s flipping out over basically spending his last penny on the deposit for the caterer. And he keeps asking me why we’re not going to some banquet hall to have a much cheaper wedding. We are planning a very nice wedding, NOT extravagant by NYC standards, but not low-low budget either. And several contracts are already out. I’m pretty creative and am doing my best to keep the numbers well in check, believe me. He has paid the downpayment on the space and the photographer and now — about to pay it on the caterer. After that, he’ll basically be tapped outa cash. I know, in the end, that I’ll wind up paying for the rest. (He contributes about 1/3 of our living-housing bills each month). I guess I have not wanted to feel like I’m ‘keeping’ my man, paying his way, especially not paying for our wedding. So it’s been comforting to me to have him commit to these vendors and pay the initial downpayments. Make sense? To me it does. As I see it, when all is said and done, I will have paid 50 to 60% (maybe inching towards 65%) of this wedding and it feels a little funny to me, me being the woman and all. Add to this — he’s got an extraordinary collection of sports memorabilia and old LPs from his dad. On some of the sports stuff, he’s been offered $3,000 on Craigslist, but is refusing to sell now, telling me that I’ll “take” the money, his last dime basically, to put it to the wedding. Wow! I mean, that’s like me saying I’m going to stage a work slowdown or stoppage, cut my earnings because he’ll “take” it for the wedding or it’ll wind up going to some joint vacation or something. I mean, who thinks like that? I dunno. Maybe I’m wrong here, but I thought it was great that he could sell these things that just take up closet space in his nephew’s apartment… that he could contribute a greater share to our wedding. But he seems to want to hold on to this stuff (I know, I know, there’s something deeper at play here). So, we’re at presently in a stand-off – the caterer’s downpayment (his check) is sitting on the kitchen counter. Neither of us will mail it. The caterer says he has two more people wanting our date. I know my guy loves me, that we really love each other. I also know that since he moved in three months ago, what was a heavenly relationship is going to hell fast, with the stress of the wedding and the adjustment I’m trying to make having someone move in on “my” space. I know most bees on the hive seem thrilled during their engagement periods, but I think this is one tricky time. Your thoughts, advice in these last hours of 2009 (and maybe, of my engagement)?