We're separating over his issue?

posted 2 months ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee

mendingbee :  I dated someone similar to your ex. He was a terrible boyfriend and although it was hard to articulate, I just didn’t trust him. A lot of people said “he’s allowed to have friends” like your mom told you. It took a while but I eventually found some really bad text messages and dumped him ass. Wish I did it sooner. Don’t know if your man is like that but it seems like you know he’s bad news. 

Post # 3
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee

I think we need to know what you mean by “a little bit flirty.”

It’s his comportment in these friendships and the fact that he lied about having stopped them that’s important here. 

The lying could be because his behavior is entirely appropriate and he resents your attempts to control him, or it could be because he’s getting some external validation via flirting with these women and doesn’t want to give that up. 

We can’t know which it is without more information.

I will say I’m friends with most of my exes, and Dh doesn’t care at all. But also, I don’t flirt with them. At all.

Post # 4
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee

Most men who are doing something shady will never admit it, therefore it becomes your fault, your problem. Don’t believe it. Your gut tells you something is off, and you should listen to that. 

If you keep on with him, go along like a good girl and simply believe it is all innocent you won’t ever be able to relax and be happy. I know some people who have managed to be friends with exes and they don’t flirty text with them. 

I think the term for what he is doing to you is gaslighting. Making you think you are crazy for objecting to something he is doing. That is shady and so are his actions.

Post # 6
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee

mendingbee :  he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He likes the positive, flirty messages from girls but he also likes the constant attention from a full time girlfriend. Even if he isn’t flirting with other girls, you don’t seem like you’ll ever be happy with someone who refuses to put the lame Facebook messages to bed. 

Post # 7
Member
5007 posts
Bee Keeper

This was the guy who said ‘She’s my other half at the mo’? Idk why you put up with that, I’m pretty easy going with respect to opposite sex friends, but he’s being straight up disrespectful to you and your relationship. F that.

Post # 8
Member
5059 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Look- It doesn’t really matter what some chick on his phone thinks. If he was considering his relationship with you a priority, he would cut the bullshit with these extra side friends. I don’t think it’s necessarily an issue to remain friends with an ex (as long as neither one is still hoping for things to come back around in the future). But his behavior doesn’t sound like he wants to be in a relationship with you under the terms you need and THAT is insurmountable.

Post # 9
Member
396 posts
Helper bee

Screw separation. Just completely end it. He’s gaslighting you.

Flirting with exes is not acceptable in a committed relationship, period. He’s not willing to admit he was wrong, he’s spreading rumors about your relationship and he’s making YOU feel like it’s your fault?

Run, don’t walk, out of this relationship. 

Post # 10
Member
396 posts
Helper bee

OMG is this the guy who said you were “together at the ‘mo” or whatever???!??! 

DUMP HIM. DUMP HIM NOW. CALL A DIVORCE ATTORNEY. 

Post # 11
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

mendingbee :  I’m all for people keeping their friendships. And I’m all for people conversing with others than their significant other.

But why would he still be talked to exes? And more than one? I’m sorry but that’s a huge red flag. There is nothing good that can come from someone who is in a relationship and still talks with multiple exes. 

You’re doing the right thing by listening to your gut. 

Post # 13
Member
5425 posts
Bee Keeper

He’s speaking poorly about you to anyone who will listen to him. He’s prioritizing these friendships over your relationship. Why do you want to be with him? 

Post # 14
Member
8309 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

mendingbee :  The only thing that might be crazy is staying with this loser who keeps showing you over and over that he is a loser. Being upset that he’s flirty-texting women he dated is not crazy. This is not going to get better.

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