- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
I know the answer to this, I think, and I stood my ground when accused, but my toxic mother still has me doubting. Which I am sure would thrill her if she knew.
Okay, here’s the situation and then I will tell you what my mom said.
We got married in Iowa, we live in Texas. We rented out a large house for the week so that people who wanted to come but who couldn’t afford the trip PLUS a hotel would be able to stay with us. The place accomodates around 20 people and is three stories, with three bedrooms, an upstairs loft “bedroom” (not totally closed off though), plus a living room with non-standard sleeping arrangements available.
So, here was the layout: main floor had a huge living room with 2 couches and 2 recliners. Off of this room was the ONE bedroom that was small and only contained ONE bed (double). Upstairs, off of this room was the loft area that contained a double bed, four twin beds, and a double futon.
Downstairs there were 2 large bedrooms, one containing 2 double beds, a recliner, and a sofa sleeper. The other had 2 double beds only.
So, my wife and I “claimed” the only bedroom that was solitary/private. We figured it made sense as it allowed us to be near the kids and since we had all our wedding “stuff”, clothes, decorations, and so on, we had more crap, generally, than anyone else staying.
We were there the entire week, with our 3 kids, and other guests arrived at varying times. The earliest guests came late Tuesday, and included a couple, and a 15 year old, all friends of my 13 and 18 year old sons. So “kids”, if not technically (because the oldest was 21). My mom got there late Wednesday night (basically Thursday morning). My SIL and the photographer got there Friday, as did our friends who made up a group of five, all related or partnered.
We had all the “kids” (21, 19, 18, 15, 13, and 8) in the loft area. They were fine with this; they were able to play video games from up there via a huge projector that projected on the wall in the living area. They are all friends and siblings and we figured it made the most sense for the youngest among us to climb the small spiral staircase up to the loft, vs. anyone elderly (like my mom).
Since my mom arrived next, I gave her a choice of a bed in the smaller downstairs bedroom, or sleeping somewhere in the living room. The only reason I mentioned the living room is because my mom BY CHOICE sleeps in a recliner every night. She says that all beds “hurt her back”, and this living room had 2 big comfy recliners. Still, she declined and chose to sleep downstairs, but then quickly complained that it was cold down there. So I found extra blankets and shut off the heat vents in other downstairs rooms in an attempt to make her more comfy but she complained nonetheless. So I mentioned the living room being warmer, she agreed, and said she’d move up there and sleep on the sofa or in a recliner.
Otherwise, she kept insisting on turning the whole house temp up to 85 degrees, which meant up in the loft it was very very uncomfortably warm!
When my SIL and the photographer arrived, they took the room my mom had been in. My mom “moved out” before they came but complained (not to ME of course) that she was being “kicked out” of her room to make way for my SIL and my photographer. Not true at all, she could have stayed down there and my SIL would have slept in the living room or on the futon in the loft and she was willing to sleep wherever, but because of my mom and her “issues” with my SIL I was kind of trying to avoid having them in the same room if possible.
The larger downstairs bedroom we had reserved for our larger group of friends since it would accomodate their entire group. That was the only place we told my my mom she couldn’t pick; it made sense to keep a family group in that one room if possible.
So all of this seemed logical to us. My mom told me later how it was very rude of me & my wife to take that single bedroom all to ourselves. It was just inconsiderate and not at all hospitable of us to do that. I pointed out to her that it made more sense than anything else, especially to be near the kids, to have room for all our stuff, and honestly, because we hoped to have some little bit of privacy on our wedding night since we are not having a honeymoon any time soon or even a “wedding night” away. And when she heard that, she scoffed and said “Well it’s not like you haven’t had one before!” (a wedding night, that is).
She apparently vented to others that she should NEVER have been “forced” to sleep on the sofa. Yeah, seriously. “forced”.
I should know to ignore whatever she says, but I keep wondering, WERE we rude to take that single bedroom? We made it clear to everyone who was staying with us that it would be pretty communal but that everyone could have a bed. My mom could have had one too, she just chose not to. And we paid for everything (including food at the house in the week before the wedding, and 2 rental cars so everyone could have mobility, and gas to and from everywhere, gas to and from the Minneapolis airport THREE times at $80 a trip, etc) and did so because we knew people would have a tough time paying for a hotel and we wanted them to be able to come, but to hear my mom tell it we were having people sleep in air mattresses on the porch in 30 degree weather.