Were you a little older when you met your significant other?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

I met my Fiance a month before my 30th

I literally felt like I was lost, undesirable and completely down in the dumps. All my friends were in long term relationships and I was the odd one out. Felt like I needed my soulmate. 

I did a lot of soul searching and eventually felt at ease with myself for being single…and then I met him, completely out the blue and here we are 2.5yrs later 

I’m 33 this year and he’ll be 41 and life is just beginning 

Hugs 🤗 

Post # 18
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Aww Bee I know the feeling. I was engaged very young (22) and things fell apart before we reached the wedding (which I can now see would have never worked out!). It felt as if my world had ended and I wasn’t in a great place for a good while – a couple of years anyway. I was also the last Singleton in my group of friends and whilst I do enjoy my own company, I did start to think I’d be alone for ever, and told myself that not everyone gets to find their true love, and that I’d be ‘that’ person from our friendship group. Eventually I accepted that, and got to be ok with it – even stopped dating and trying to meet new people. Fast forward to this year, (I’m now 34), and I’m getting married in June to the most amazing man who has made me his world – in a good way. He’s someone I’ve known as a friend for years, but couldn’t see or appreciate what was right in front of me until I was ready. It’s difficult when everyone around seems to be settling down, but I waited 12 years, and can now see that it’s the best thing that could have happened (although admittedly it didn’t always feel like that at the time). I I too focussed on my career, home and family, and firmly believe I’m in a better place for it – far more mature and ready to have an adult relationship based on mutual love, care and understanding as opposed to ‘butterflies’. I know it sometimes doesn’t feel like it, but you’re still young and have loads of time for ‘the one’ to find you – plus, so many women are leaving it later to start families now, it’s not in the least bit unusual. Have fun on your own, don’t feel like a victim or dwell on your circumstances and just think that you’re better and happier by yourself until he comes along, than being with someone who isn’t perfect for you, just so you have someone there. Keep your chin up!

Post # 20
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

Yes, I was 42 and had gotten out of a 7 year relationship. 

Post # 20
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I met my so when I was 36, and we got married when I was 42.  I realized at 33 that I didn’t want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. Before that time, I was on every online dating site there was and was going to bars every weekend with my friends to meet guys.  I was miserable.  I felt like my whole focus was on meeting someone (because that’s what you were supposed to do) and I wasn’t enjoying my life anymore. Especially since it felt like I was settling. I live in a thriving and vibrant beach community.  But it’s small, and the woman to man ratio is skewed in the man’s favor.  Basically, you have to step up your A game and I didn’t feel like playing anymore. So I ditched the bars and online dating. I started doing Meetup.  I focused on getting outside more. I went hiking, snowshoeing, kayaking and played beach volleyball. I focused on meeting people for friendship. And a strange thing started happening,. I started getting asked out and men were talking to me, or trying to anyway, everywhere.  I mostly said no though.  I did end up casually dating 2 guys but nobody really interested me.  It was then that I realized that I would be completely happy never getting married.  I actually preferred doing a lot of things on my own. And that’s when my friend brought my husband to a party I was throwing and I just knew that I wanted to marry him. I’m not saying that your story will end like mine or that you should shun all dating like I did.  However, everyone is on their own timeline and being alone doesn’t have to equal loneliness.  

Post # 21
Member
3712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I met my sweet SO when I was 32 and he was 29. I had been married before and honestly think I married the wrong guy because I paid more attention to what was going on around me (what everyone else was doing) than what was going on in my relationship. Dont be in a rush to get settled down, focus on making you happy and living your best life and your best match will come along! 

Post # 22
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

You sound lovely and are not damaged good. You just need to find a group of single friends 🙂 

To answer your question. I met my husband when I was 25, right after breaking of a 5 year relationship. 

Post # 23
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I met Darling Husband at 36, and now we are approaching our 25th wedding anniversary. I was certain at the time, and for years beforehand that I was unlovable. My own mother told me I was never going to find a guy who could give me all the reassurance I needed. I acted desperate, and put off several guys with my neediness, but to be honest, these were guys who were not interested in a serious relationship or a committment, so who cares. 

Darling Husband was someone who wanted to be married, did not want to spend his declining years in a bar trying to pick up women. When I made a conscious decision about the kind of guy I wanted, I went after that kind. Instead of the frustration of trying to change Good-Time-Charlies into the men of my dreams.

And we found each other.

Post # 24
Member
2925 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

emily013 :  Happy early birthday!

I know how you feel.  I thought for sure I’d be married by age 25 and done having kids by the time I was 30.  I dated my college sweetheart for 6 years (ages 20-26) and I broke up with him right around my 26th birthday when I realized he wasn’t going to marry me despite everything he promised.  I met my ex Fiance a few months later and was engaged when I was 28.  We broke up a couple of months later when he cheated on me and I felt like the biggest loser in the world.  I won’t lie, it was tough because I was now the single friend, whereas previously I was one of the first to get engaged.  My friends did a great job of inviting me out and not treating me like a 5th wheel.  I also took that time to really focus on me.  I had been an athlete in high school and it went to the wayside a bit in college, so I got into fitness again and had forgotten how much I liked it.  Even though I didn’t join groups like Meetup, I know people that did with great success.  I met my now husband at age 29 when I was actually dating someone else.  After that relationship fizzled, my Fiance contacted me a few months later (he said he didn’t want me to feel pressured to date right away).  We got engaged when I was 30, married 7 months later at age 31.  I’m going to be 32 in a few weeks and even though this is now how I imagined my life would be, I’ve never been happier.

Please don’t lose hope.  Believe it or not, I enjoyed the time I was single even though there were tough days.  I didn’t have to “answer” to anyone.  Since I really didn’t experience being single as an adult, I didn’t even know who I was.  Looking back, I lost a bit of myself in those relationships.  I always put my needs on the back burner.  Not to be too philosphical, but it was time to focus on ME.  I learned a lot about what I wanted and was good to myself.  My husband told me when we first started dating one of the things that attracted him to me was my confidence.  I learned that the days of hinting and playing games got you nowhere.

Again, not to get too philosophical, but enjoy each day.  You’ve got your health; some people don’t even make it to age 28.  You don’t have any ties.  If you want to take a trip, go for it (I went on a trip after I broke up with my ex).  You want to buy yourself some new makeup, do it.  Take that spa day.  As I said, be good to yourself.

You’ll get through this, I promise!

Post # 25
Member
489 posts
Helper bee

The person who had the hardest time with me turning 30 and being single was my Mother. I had to remind her that the only thing I missed out on by not getting married in my 20s was my first divorce. 

I had 2 serious relationships in my 20s and I am very happy I did not end up marrying either of them. One was a really good guy, but a financial trainwreck and incredibly disorganized. I would have lost my mind and been miserable if I gave him access to my savings and attempted to raise a family with him. The second guy was cold and somewhat verbally abusive. 

I think people have this misconception that in order to be happy you have to be in a relationship. I know plenty of people who are not happy with their partners and some even feel too trapped to do something about it. You still have all the freedom in the world!

I’m in a relationship now (met him just before I turned 30 but we didnt’ start dating for another year). I love him and he is a really great guy, but now that I know how happy I can be single I am not feeling pressured to make a decision about him and jump into a marriage. There is no panic of “omg finally someone wants to be with me so I better put a ring on it so I catch up to my friends!”. 

Also… this is sort of a dark way to look at it but… once you get into your 30s a lot of your friends will start going through brutal divorces. I’m watching that start to happen now. I’m so glad I didn’t settle. 

Post # 26
Member
920 posts
Busy bee

I was 19 when I met my first husband.

Clearly, that worked out, lol.

I met Fiance when I was 37, nearly 38. He was worth the wait.

Post # 27
Member
1923 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Darling Husband was my first boyfriend. We met when I was 26. I too, always thought I’d be married with kids before that point. My mom and both grandmothers were married by 18, and had finished having kids by the time they were my age, yet here I am just now married at 27.

It’s definitely possible.

Now, I don’t know your back story, but the fact that you were in a relationship for five years with no commitment might be part of the issue. If you want marriage, don’t stay with a guy too long without a commitment. They’ll never be worth it.

Post # 28
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I married my ex at 27 and got divorced at 37. Met my now-FI at 38 and will be married this year at age 44. I feel (and am) young and vibrant. Don’t worry.

Post # 29
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

mohbestie :  That’s exactly what I was going to say. I saw most of my friends get married in their 20s and early 30s. We are in our 40s now and all but 2 of them have been or are going through divorces. I would have been one of them if I had married either of my two long-term boyfriends back then. I am in a much better place in my life for marriage. And my Fiance was worth the wait!

Post # 30
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I met my hubby when I was 28 and we got married when I was a month shy of 31 now we are expecting our first baby and I am 33…getting married in your 30s is great, we grow so much in our 20’s and experice so many things. Have fun and enjoy life! 

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