(Closed) Were you ever required to wear specific bridesmaid shoes with a LONG dress

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Both times I’ve been a bridesmaid I wore an expensive long dress I’d never rewear and mandated shoes that were never seen. Just thought it went along with the territory of being a bridesmaid, but in hindsight it’s all rather silly. After those experiences, I asked my bridesmaids to wear long black dresses and black or nude flats – both pretty standard or available on the cheap if not already owned. 

Post # 17
Member
36 posts
Newbee

When I was a bridesmaid the bride let us choose between a set of dresses and told us we had to wear white heels in a specific style. You have no idea how hard it is to find white heels and that was actually more maddening than being given a particular pair to buy. I was travelling to stand in her wedding so I didn’t see or wear the shoes until the day before the wedding and they are exceedingly uncomfortable and I will never wea them again.

She also irritated me by allowing people to wear flats at the very last minute (I didn’t have time to buy a pair). And half the bridesmaids showed up in silver and nude shoes anyway because they couldn’t find white.

Post # 18
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

Yes and no. This is part of being a bridsemaid.  You do what the Bride asks and don’t make a fuss.

Post # 19
Member
3376 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
@ Starfish55   not for a long dress, but yes for a short dress. i think it’s perfectly acceptable to choose shoes for bridesmaids wearing short dresses, and i think it’s acceptable to specify a color and style (like closed toe, sandal, etc) for bridesmaids in long dresses. but it’s ABSURD to make your bridesmaids in long dresses by a specific pair of shoes.

(no, i’m not just defending my own way of doing things – my Bridesmaid or Best Man are in long dresses and i told them to wear whatever shoes they want; and the time that i’ve had to purchase shoes while in a short dress were shoes i hated and never wore again – but i still think it’s acceptable, as you do see them in pics, and the ladies can change out of them right after the ceremomy.)

Post # 20
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

My sister tried doing this. She didn’t ask for a budget at all, had us buy $200 dresses that required alterations on everyone, and then tried to make us by $50 shoes. I told her that the dress and alterations were already more than I was comfortable spending, but my DH (FI at the time) was willing to help me with alterations. I told her if she wanted me in those specific shoes she would need to buy them or I wouldn’t be able to be in the wedding. And I knew that there were a few other bridesmaids in the same general financial position as me. She ended up letting us pick our own nude shoes. 

Post # 21
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’ve been a bridesmaid 6 times and I’ve never had my shoes dictated to me even with a short dress. I’ve always been given a color and worn shoes I already owned in that color.

Post # 22
Member
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

And this is why I let my BM’s chose a shoe as long was in one of our wedding colors which was 3 colors.  

Post # 23
Member
912 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@ Starfish55   a wedding I’m in (that realistically not sure if it’ll ever happen. Postponed many times, etc) and I had shoes that’d go perfect for my long gown, but bride wanted a specific colored shoe so I found some on sale (not close to the price tag you paid), but still I wouldn’t have purchased them othetwise.

I can’t imagine asking BMs to buy shoes. I might ask them to all be flat or a small heel or closed toe but that’s it. I’ll probably end up asking them to wear black heels and if they don’t have a pair they can ask a friend to borrow theirs. The color I bought…ugh I might end up wearing them a handful of times for a special occasion, but that’s probably it. Weddings can be spendy to be involved in 😕. Another I’m involved in (bride opted out of bridal party, but I seem to be involved with things anyway) and it’s costing me more than the typical guest. Sorry I’m venting now lol

Post # 24
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Yes and it was absolutely asinine. I still get peeved about it. 

Post # 25
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee

 My girls are in floor length dresses and I have told them to choose their own shoes. Style, height, colour, I don’t care. They have all co-ordinated and chosen matching shoes in one of my wedding colours though (aww) which they found on sale for $20. Love these three! 

Post # 26
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

Yep! Basically the same exact situation you’re in minus the alterations.  Now I have a $200 dress that’s one of my least favorite colors and some painful $70 shoes that I’ll never wear again lol 

Post # 27
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Well not a specific shoe, but we had floor length royal blue Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and we needed to get yellow shoes, because those were her wedding colors. Needless to say, I spent 90 bucks on yellow shoes that got destroyed because the heel kept going into the ground when we were taking pics on grass so yeah.. a little peeved about that lol. I asked my girls if they think nude heels would work with the dress we picked- they all agreed since they all have a pair of nude shoes in their closets, and everyone’s happy. 

Post # 28
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

SIL requested her ‘maids wear a specific strappy shoe and I did hear some complained. For mine, I just asked that they be silver, I didn’t care style or height. I’m short as it is so they were all going to be taller than me anyway haha

Post # 29
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

I was Maid/Matron of Honor once I had to wear specific shoes but the bride paid (we went to pick them out together)

Post # 30
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My Bridesmaid or Best Man wore the same long dress and I asked them to wear black dress shoes. I was fine with open or closed toe, whatever material, and whatever type of heel (or no heel), but asked that they avoid anything super “flashy” (like shoes with a 4 inch platform and an 8 inch heel). In another wedding, I wore a long dress and the bride asked us to wear gold colored heels. 

I think it’s fine for the bride to ask for a certain color/type of shoe, assuming it’s something the BMs are likely to have or could use with other outfits. If it’s a one-time shoe, the bride should make a point to find inexpensive options. 

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