(Closed) Were you lavaliered?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes!! My (now) Fiance lavaliered me the end of my senior year. We had been dating since my sophomore year and I watched countless sisters get candle passes (some from guys who they hadn’t been dating for nearly as long as we were dating at the time… Undecided) and I was obviously happy for my sisters, but secretly SO jealous!  


Edit: Ok, maybe it wasn’t so secret that I was jealous. I think that’s why Fiance finally broke down because he thought the tradition was kind of silly…

Post # 4
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Umm…I did this to myself!

As background my school did not allow fraternities or soroities so I had no clue about any of this stuff. The Boyfriend or Best Friend was in a frat when he was in school but we had both been out of college a couple years when this happened. 

So we had a party at his house one night, a bunch of his college buddies were down for the weekend and their girlfriends had come along. We were outside drinking and playing games, but it was getting cool later at night and I got pretty cold. I asked Boyfriend or Best Friend if I could grab a sweatshirt and he said sure. So I went upstairs and grabbed the one sweatshirt he had put it on and went downstairs.

Of course it was a sweatshirt with his fraternity letters on it and when I went downstairs his brothers freaked out asking if he had “lettered” me. I was totally confused and had no idea what was going on. Boyfriend or Best Friend said that sure he would letter me right then. He later explained to me what it all was and I felt a little on the dumb side for not knowing and basically doing it to myself. Bah. He said he wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t meant it but I think he was just being nice and getting me out of an embarssing situation. 😛

Despite the dumb way I backed into it some of the girlfriends there were still miffed that I had been lettered and they hadn’t. 

Post # 5
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My Fiance laviliered me 3.5 yrs into our relationship, a mere 2 months before I graduated..I was soooo glad I got the chance to have a candlepass 🙂

Post # 6
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I went to UCLA and we didn’t really do “lavalier-ing.”  A few girls got “pinned” which is essentially the same thing, but it wasn’t very common, like one per year.

Post # 7
12143 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

I didn’t know that was real! I was never in a sorority, but I watch Greek on ABC Family, haha. Cool to know it’s a real thing. 🙂

Post # 8
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No, never. The boy and I went to a school which had only a few frats and they were known for having the highest instances of date rape in the dorms. (We didn’t have a “campus” or “frat houses” just reserved dorm floors). Definitely not something you want to be associated with. 

Sounds like a lovely tradition though, although I wonder how girls who chose not to date within the Greek system feel? Are their relationships celebrated in any way?

Post # 9
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I went to a school with an extremely strong Greek system and I don’t know anyone that was lettered or lavaliered there.  It just wasn’t a tradition my school really had.  I was in a sorority and dated someone in a fraternity for most of my time there. 

To be honest, I am not quite sure I understand the point of it.  If it is so that the men/women of the fraternity/sorority might accord you more respect as your relationship was now “serious” then to me it would be disappointing that it would require a ritual to be treated seriously.  If it is somewhat akin to promise rings, I admit to being biased and not particularly caring for that tradition for myself.  So for those who have this tradition at your schools, maybe you could explain why it is important to you for me? 

Post # 10
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was never lavaliered, but we had several sisters get lavaliered during my 4 years at school. I thought it was a neat tradition, but Fiance would have never gone for it.

Post # 11
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I am in a sorority however my Fiance is not in a frat.. : ( so the tradition is usually he would present the sorority girl with a lavalier of her own letters… but he didnt which is fine! We do a candle light to a song called shades and after the candle has gone around 2 times the sister blows it out indicating shes engaged! I had to keep mine secret from Christmas day to January 15th!! It was the HARDEST thing to do! 

Post # 12
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Although Darling Husband and I are both Greek, I wasn’t lavaliered and honestly didn’t miss it.  Plenty of my good friends and sorority sisters were and I wouldn’t have not been excited to have been myself but it wasn’t something I needed to validate our relationship or anything.  Lavaliering wasn’t a big deal to me.

ETA: I did find it amusing that even after we’d only been dating for a few months, everytime a candlelighting got announced I’d have numerous people ask me if it was for me!

Post # 13
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Chiotilidieo: I was SO hoping to get engaged while I was in college so I could do that. Oh well! It was always so exciting when the candle went around another time.

Post # 14
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mouse:  Me too!  I went to a small liberal arts school with pretty much no greek life, but I love that show.

Post # 15
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I was lavaliered when I was in college.  It was my junior year.  It happened in his fraternity house and when I finally opened my eyes (they had kidnapped me and driven me around campus blindfolded so I had no clue where I was going) all of his brothers and my sisters where in a big circle around us.  Candles were lit, brothers on knees with roses…I’m talking it was the BEST lavalier ever. 

We broke up the summer before my senior year because if I would’ve stayed with him, I probably would’ve ended up with two black eyes.  Live and learn.

Post # 16
946 posts
Busy bee

I won’t be lavaliered by a sorority, but there is a lavalier in my family that will get on my wedding day.

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