(Closed) Were you surprised, or was your engagement an open process???

posted 10 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Did you have any idea what was coming the night you were engaged?

    Yes, I was completely Shocked! We hardly even talked marriage!

    I knew everything, down to the minute I'd have that ring!

    We went ring shopping/he asked my opinion, but that was it!

    Other, Explain below...

  • Post # 122
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @KatyElle:  I completely agree!

    I was totally surprised, and I do not recommend it. It was at the end of an exhausting day that he asked me, and I felt like I’d been blind-sided; I was too tired to be excited and just felt weary and anxious when confronted with such a huge life change out of the blue. I tend to like to discuss major decisions to death until I feel comfortable with them. ๐Ÿ˜‰ So I wish we’d been able to talk about it more and ease into it.  

    Don’t quote me on this, but I think I read somewhere that the whole “surprise” proposal was a DeBeers promotional strategy– because men can be more succeptible to up-selling to more expensive jewelry when the women they’re buying for aren’t there to hold them back. Maybe this is part of why I don’t see the “surprise” factor as especially romantic.

    For some reason, I also kind of feel like the “surprise” scenario hinges on the idea that it doesn’t matter whether the woman gets to choose the kind of ring she’ll wear for the rest of her life, because she should just be excited that a man would want to marry her. I would rather think of marriage as a joint decision between two people than as a surprise present that a man gives to a woman, as if to appease her.  

    I know this isn’t the case just because the proposal is a surprise; I know it wasn’t for us. But for some reason, that’s what the surprise thing makes me think of, and it kind of rubs me the wrong way. :p

    Post # 123
    Member
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We talked about it, but the timeline and the ring were a total surprise!  I loved everything second of it. 

    Post # 124
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    The whole thing has been an open process between SO and I.  We have been together for over 3 years and have been talking marriage since early in our relationship.  We are very comfortable talking about it with eachother and are going ring shopping this weekend!!  He said if I find one I like he was going to buy it that day.  I am  hoping that once the ring comes in he will officially propose, but I will be happy either way.

    Post # 125
    Member
    3054 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    It wasn’t a complete secret, I pretty much knew that he was going to just not when or where. We had been together for three years and were struggling financially. Things got better, he got promoted and I finally got started in my career.

    Came home to flowers and candles everywhere, he had his best shirt and pants on…..and thats when I knew he was going to ask!

    Post # 126
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My fiancé and I had been together for almost 4 years and I was getting impatient. We have known we were going to get married since our first date. I hinted at it a few times and he told me that he wanted to get married too but that it would be a few months before he could get a ring. I begged him for a cheap one off the internet and he refused. He said he was going to get one on his own and that I would just have to wait…

    I was working at my family’s business where we make custom cabintry and sell supplies to other cabinet shops the next Monday. My fiancé called and asked if he could take me our for lunch but I wasnt able to leave. So he just said that he would bring me a hamburger and sit with me for the afternoon. When he walked in the door I told him that he had to help me move boxes. After about 30 minutes he said “Hey, I found something for you this morning. Close your eyes and hold out your hands.” I am a huge chicken when it comes to that game so I refused. After a few minutes he started laughing and yelled “just do it!!” So I did, and he set the open ring box in my hands. Before I even opened my eyes I threw it in the floor. lol He got all dramatic and started making fun of me. “You could have just said no. you didnt have to throw it in the floor!” he wouldnt even give it back to me. I apologized and begged for it.Then he finally let me have my ring. As soon as I had it I screamed “YES!” and he said “wait, you have to let me ask.” 

    So he stood there looking at me in my yoga pants, old tshirt and being covered in sawdust and dirt and asked me if I would be his wife and if i would spend the rest of my life with him. I said yes, of course. He had gone and bought the ring that morning and couldnt wait till we got to go out to ask. I wouldnt have it any other way. He even wore gym shorts and an old tshirt. It was the perfect proposal for us. 

    Post # 127
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I wish I hadn’t been surprised. He’d mentioned for a while that he’d like to get married some day and I just fobbed him off and told him not to worry about stuff like that. He still proposed, it was a total shock. It was awful. Maybe if we’d talked about it or I’d been more prepared I wouldn’t have hated it so much. I felt totally pushed into it.

    Post # 128
    Member
    709 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We knew we were getting married, and went to look at rings together.  I mainly wanted to show him what I liked.  I was surprised that I wasn’t overly fond of what I thought I liked once I saw it on my finger.  Fiance pointed to a setting, and I though “eh,” but once I tried it on and the jewler set the diamond on top I loved it.  Much to both of our surprise, he bought that ring.  But he didn’t propose for several months later (I went NUTS!  What was he waiting for!).  It got to the point when I knew exactly when he’d do it.  He gave way too many hints.  But I didn’t know how he was going to do it, and it was really great ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 129
    Member
    202 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    The engagement wasn’t a suprise, but the proposal was. I knew we’d be getting engaged at some point – a number of “missed opportunities” had passed so I was getting slightly anxious!

    He proposed on my Birthday as I thought he might, but the moment when he was proposing was NOT when I expected and I was 100% surprised. It was a great feeling – I think my heart may have skipped a few beats! ๐Ÿ™‚

    We were getting ready to go out for dinner and he brought out a cake box. He kept telling me to open it really carefully and I was beginning to think that there was something alive inside! Or at least something that wasn’t a cake! A proposal was the furthest thing from my mind at that moment. I finally got the box opened and saw “Will you marry me?” written in frosting on the cake. ๐Ÿ™‚ ♥

    Post # 130
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    SO suggested that we go look at rings again today, and he said it would be for the last time.  He originally wanted it to be a complete surprise, but knowing I’m a control freak, he agreed to go ring shopping together so I could tell him what I really loved in a ring.  I don’t think the ring will be an exact production of all the things I told him I loved, but a combination of the things that he likes and those that were the most important to me. 

    Beyond today’s shopping trip, I’m totally out of the loop.  He’s said he knows when, where and how he is going to propose, and is insistant that I won’t know it’s coming.  He knows I’m a super detective, so he must have something fantastic up his sleeve.  I hope it isn’t long before I find out, because I’m sooooo excited!  AH!

    Post # 131
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We had talked about getting married and he knew what kind of ring I wanted.  I also had told him to wait until I graduated from college for him to propose to me so I was completely shocked when he proposed before my senior year.  I actually almost grabbed the ring right out of his pocket earlier in the night so he was sure I knew he was going to propose but I had no idea.  So anyways it was completely dark on the beach when he proposed so I was completely confused about what was happening.  I kind of ruined the moment because i just kept saying “nu uh for real? really?”

    Post # 132
    Member
    3201 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I knew about almost everything. We were pretty open with a lot of things at the beginning of our relationship, including how we felt about marriage. I didn’t know when he was going to ask me but I knew it was coming. FH can’t hide things very well and he’s not the romantic type so I wasn’t looking for a date out or anything. He proposed while I was in my pajamas watching the history channel. Other than that, several months later I picked out my ring and that was that.

    Sometimes FH wishes he would have done something more special to surprise me, but I hate surprises and we are both too awkward and unromantic to have done it any other way. I really liked being involved in most of the process.

    Post # 133
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We’ve been together 12 years, so he knew there was no way he could pick out a ring without my input. We make all major purchases together and we both agree my engagement ring is an asset.

    The process has been totally open and yet traditional at the same time. In January, he asked my parents for their blessing . . . with me in the room. We didn’t start ring shopping unitl March even though we had planned almost everything else for the wedding. Speaking of my ring it will be ready in about a week (custom made) and I of course want to wear it right away since we are only 4 months from the wedding, but who knows . . . he may make me wait and propose on bended knee.

    Post # 134
    Member
    220 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Not surprised. And don’t much mind either.  We have thought of making it “family offcial” and him getting down on one knee infront of everyone.

    Post # 135
    Member
    3954 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I was surprised about the proposal, not about getting engaged, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I made it very clear that I wanted to discuss everything, I don’t like surprises or secrets and I feel like marriage is a decision to be made together. We had talked about getting engaged someday and he surprised me by taking me ring shopping in December (we had been together 3 years). The way he talked about it made me think he might propose in a year, so I totally wasn’t expecting it for a while. He totally surprised me by proposing in May. I wouldn’t have been comfortable if he had proposed and I didn’t even know he was thinking about getting engaged. Everyone is different!!

    Post # 136
    Member
    298 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    he didnt ask me anything! Not my preferred color, stone, cut, nothing! He didnt even ask my ring size! He told me after he proposed that he stole one of the rings i wear regularly (which i did notice was missing, but figured it would turn up soon enough) and asked my dad what kind of ring he should buy. My dad told him what i had saved on my computer and he bought exactly what i wanted

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