- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
ok – so this is “NWR” and technically about relationships – but not about a romantic relationship…more my question is – is there anyone here who left their old life and old friends and totally made a new life for themselves?
About 6 years ago I made the decision to leave what I knew and make “anew”…during my teenage years and 4 years into my 20’s I had a “best friend” who well, we were TOTALLY inseparable from. The problem is – she couldn’t have been more “toxic” to me had she had a green toxic sticker tattooed on her forehead! lol
The move was really more due to needing / wanting to find a job after graduating college – but I moved 2.5 hours away from all that I knew – and everyone else stayed behind. Thing is, too – at that time, this “best friend” and I had our last falling out and it will never (nor do I want it to be) repaired.
I moved away and “grew up” – and found what I needed for me to grow as a person. I found an incredible job – a fantastic husband – bought a house and became a “grown up”…and left all that “trash” behind…(not calling her trash, just calling the life i was living at the time trash…)
Thing is – I seriously feel like I’ve lived two totally separate lives. And every once in a while I’ll find all these old friends on face book (i’m still friends with one or two people who are still friends with my old gang)…and last night I came across “her” page as well as the pages of everyone else we hung out with.
Part of me gets nostalgic – but part of me also knows, had I never left that place – I’d have never found the happiness that I’ve found for my life now.
As for this girl – we both screwed each other over. I admit I did things a “friend” should never do – but only because after YEARS of her doing them to me I was sick of being treated the way I had been. No it wasn’t right and believe me, I’m not proud of anything I’d done – but “it is what it is”.
It wasn’t anything illegal that we all did – just mean and hurtful. Stupid teenage/early 20’s/not-knowing-what-we’re-doing-with-our-lives drama. ya know?
I know for a fact that all of my old “gang” including this girl still live where I used to and wile I obviously don’t know specifics – I know they still do a lot of the same stuff (we were all huge into summer theatre, going to bars/hanging with the rock band of the group, etc) – and I know just thinking about all that – I could never ever go back to that.
But – and I’m not exactly sure even “what” I’m trying to convey right now…”but”.
I dunno – maybe I feel like a “fraud” sometimes? because I got out of that situation and actually GREW UP and moved on with my life yet no one else has?…
I know that sounds incredibly strange – but I’m just wondering if anyone else understands where I’m coming from?…
Yes, I know I shouldn’t ever venture onto these people’s myspace or facebook pages – but c’mon we all do – it’s human nature…and so of course, in doing so – it just brings back all these memories and feelings.
I look at my husband, my house, my job and couldn’t be more elated and happier that THIS is what i’ve made of my life – but it’s just literally 100% completely different than the girl I used to be. And yes, I KNOW that’s what growing up is all about – but yeah. I dunno – maybe they’re just feelings I will have to deal with along with growing up… :p
Anyone else understand at all where I’m coming from? (sorry this was long!)