(Closed) Were/are you worried your SO wont be a natural at parenting?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think a lot of of comes down to the individual. Some guys love tiny babies some dads are more engaged with the toddler age and up. We were talking about our favorite ages the other night and I said 0-1 and 5-6 and Darling Husband said 3-5. Darling Husband will be a great Dad bc he is kind, thoughtful and I see the way he is with our puppy, and me, and his elementary aged nephews. He’s not got experience with babies as the nephews weren’t living around here when they were babies, but when my out of town 10mo DN was in town last month he offered to help feed her. That was kind of adorable. I’m 10wks and he calls the baby Baby Dinosaur and talks about all the cool things we’ll do with the baby when it comes and how he’s looking forward to baseball games and such with baby. He talks about how when we go to restaurants with baby we can take turns holding so no one has to wait to eat second all the time and is excited about picking out strollers and car seats. 

As far as the physical skills involved-Many hospitals have a couple hour newborn care class that you can take along with your birthing classes so I think we’ll do that. Darling Husband thinks we’d be fine without it bc I can just teach him stuff, but even as a nurse, I haven’t worked with tiny newborns since school years ago. I think it would help both our comfort levels. Darling Husband has never changed a diaper so that will be new for him and neither of us has  bathed a newborn so that will be new for both! 

There are also books like Dude You’re Going to Be a Dad that some guys like to read while expecting. 

All that said, as long as you guys are a team..both want a baby and are both willing to split up the work involved you should be just fine. Most moms and dads are not naturals and figure out a lot along the way! 

Post # 3
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

allyfally:  he might surprise you. My best friend’s hubby always said he didn’t like kids, and when they were surprised with her unexpected pregnancy, she worried herself sick that he’d have no clue or desire to be a father. He showed very little interest in  preparations for the baby and left most decisions up to her, which only increased her anxiety about his parenting ability. The minute that baby was in his arms though, he was in love and is an absolutely wonderful father.

Post # 4
Member
5882 posts
Bee Keeper

 

lavenderstone:  I agree, he could really surprise you 🙂 I was a party girl in high school/ university, a little on the wild side- my oldest child was a surprise & I worried all through my pregnancy if I would be a good mom, if I’d know what to do. But like lavenderstone’s BF’s hubby- the minute my baby was in my arms it was love at first sight & being a mom is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Post # 5
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m not worried, but Fiance has literally NO experience with babies. They scare him, to be honest. But I think he’ll get over that ASAP when it’s his own kid.

As soon as we got our dog, I realized that he’d be an amazing dad. He is so protective, caring and loving towards her – that I know it’ll be like that multiplied by about 10000000 when it’s his actual child. He also didn’t have a great dad growing up (they have an excellent relationship now, but his dad was pretty disengaged when he was a kid), so I know how important it is to him to be an involved, present father.

Post # 5
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

allyfally:  Actually that is one of the things that drew me to my FI; I know he’s going to be an amazing father. He is such a loving person, and can really slow himself down to the pace of a child. He’s incredible with our dog, loving and willing to muck up a gross mess lol

And, when we met my cousin’s new baby at a family get together, seeing my Fiance with the little fellow nearly made my heart burst! He was so attentive and wrapped up in him. I cannot wait for us to have children.

However, I second what the others have said, that you might be surprised! My mom was the most devoted, amazing mother you could ever imagine, and yet apparently shortly after having my older brother (her firstborn), a friend of hers mentioned that she was “so relieved” at how my mom was. Apparently the friend was very worried when my mom got pregnant, because at the time the friend herself had a young todler, and had never seen a pregnant woman so completely disinterested in young children as my mom was! So you never know 🙂

 

Post # 6
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m going to chime in on the flip side here.  I love my Darling Husband to death and truly believe we are meant to be together.  We are CBC though and part of that reason is because I don’t see us being a great parenting team.  I think we would figure it out and make the best of it if I did get pregnant, but kids are not something we want now.  My Darling Husband has never spent time around kids, and our styles of communicating would be tough to adjust when a child is in the picture.  I just don’t think we would make the greatest of parents, either of us.  I’m not saying any of this to scare you, I’m just saying that doubts you have may be natural.  Just keep communicating to your SO/DH and maybe bring up some different hypothetical situations with child raising and see how he responds?

Post # 7
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Before I got pregnant, Fiance would always shy away from the kids in his family. He said he didn’t know anything about kids and wasn’t sure if he liked them. When I got pregnant, he started making a noticeable effort to play with the kids. All it really took was one teary eyed look at his son and he was hooked for good. He loves having a buddy to hang out with, a reason to pitch a tent in the living room, and an excuse to go to the zoo or museam(kids) every weekend. The fact that our almost 2 year old imitates everything dad does only adds to his adoration. 

Post # 8
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Nope, more worried about me!

Post # 10
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t worry much about my husband in the baby stage – he doesn’t have a ton of experience, but I’m sure he’ll figure it out. What I worry about is once we have to start learning how to discipline. He’s a total softie and I know he’s going to struggle with this. We both agree, whole heartedly, that we want well behaved kids that aren’t spoiled, but I don’t think he realizes that means learning to say no and learning how to discipline. Luckily, we’ve got some time before we get to that stage. And, beyond those concerns, I know he’s going to be a fantastic and loving dad. He plays with all our younger cousins and nephew and all the neighborhood kids. When I first got pregnant, we spent a weekend watching my best friend’s 1 and 3 year old and he was a champ with them. 

Post # 11
Member
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

allyfally:  I think he’ll learn quickly! My Darling Husband loves kids, but he’s only been around really tiny ones a couple times. I have a feeling he’ll be nervous about doing something wrong when we have our first, but after the number of diapers, feedings, baths, and so forth that will need done, he’ll pick up it up quickly, and I’m sure your husband will too! The only “natural” parenting aspect is love – we all have to learn the rest.

Post # 12
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Darling Husband had held one baby, his nephew, before Dear Daughter was born last year. NO experience with kids, and he’s been great. I knew he’d be great, based on how he’d been with my cat (really sweet.)

A lot of it is trial and error, anyway. Every baby’s different- what helps one baby to stop crying is totally different than another, for example.

When Dear Daughter is older, we’ve agreed that we need to be on the same page/have a “united front” as parents. 

HeyJude72:  Yes to the hospital class- Darling Husband said he got more out of the two-night baby care classes than the five-week labor ones. I have a fair amount of experience with babies, but had never washed a newborn before DD- the class was helpful with things like that.

Post # 13
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not worried a bit. He’s always bringing up babies and making funny faces at kids in restaurants to make them giggle even though he’s never really been around young kids. I know he won’t be interested in the whole baby prep experiance like buying car seats and stuff but once that baby is here, I have no doubt he will be a super involved, good parent!

Post # 14
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

allyfally:  I think he’ll grow into the role if he’s devoted to being a good dad. I think if you love your child enough, are mature and responsible, and do the very best you can in every possible way, you will be a wonderful parent regardless of your prior experience or not. The child has no previous expectations because they haven’t been raised by anyone else before so you can grow and learn together.

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