- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I woke up this morning with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for how far my Fiance and I have come in the past few years. For the most part, things have always been really good..like, too good to be true at times. But we’ve gone through a few situations that nearly broke us, and I am just so thankful that we gripped each other tightly and walked through it together and WOAH is it so much more beautiful on the other side of the mess! Only those friends and family members who are closest to us know the whole story, but for some reason I just wanted to share it with my bees this morning. Maybe to encourage you? Maybe to get it out there? I don’t know why, but I want to tell our story 🙂
I won’t bore you with all the mushy gushy stuff from our beginning 😉 but I will tell you that from day 1 he has been the most amazing, fun, sweet, kindhearted man and has always made me feel like I was the only girl in the room no matter where we go. I’ve never struggled with being insecure in a relationship, but he has never given me any reason to feel like he had a wandering eye…those eyes have always been looking at me! We got engaged and it was beyond perfect! It was so us and he made me feel so loved and so special. Well, a few months later he made a bunch of money on a real estate investment he’d been working on and he quit his fulltime job to pursue this other career path. My parents were less than thrilled and told me that they would not support us getting married if he didn’t have a job. At the time, I was devastated! The relationship between Fiance and my parents was NOT good at all and it was just tearing me apart inside. I cried a lot, slipped into a brief depression period, and became distant from my parents because I was angry and sad. Fiance, in turn, began to drink a lot at night…like every night. He was never abusive and never hurt me, but we would fight a lot. Partly because of alcohol and partly because of our emotional strain. (I would drink with him, but not nearly as much or as often as he did) Finally I hit my breaking point and made a decision for which I will forever be thankful…I went away to a missionary training school in Hawaii for 3 months and then to South Africa for 2 months for an outreach mission. My life is forever changed because of this journey and I am so glad that I did it. Meanwhile, Fiance was back at home. We talked pretty much every day while I was gone (we were still together) and I told him that I needed him to man up and get a fulltime job and to tone it down on the drinking. Well, when I got home, he hadn’t gotten a job (he was riding off of the $ he’d made from his investment), he was still drinking, albeit not quite as heavily, but I think we were so happy to be back together again that I didn’t really make a big fuss about it. However, as the months went on, something just seemed off. My dad had been saying for a while that something wasn’t quite right with Fiance, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Of course this just pissed me off and I’d argue with him, but I was starting to see it for myself.
Although I was in a much better place emotionally and spiritually, I still wasn’t happy. Fiance, who was so goal oriented and motivated and had plans for his/our future when we first got together now seemed to be turning into a lazy, unmotivated bum. I couldn’t understand it! But after we got into a pretty big argument one evening when alcohol was involved, we sat down to talk about it and I told him that he either needed to stop drinking altogether or I was gone. I also told him he had til the end of the month to find a job (it had been over a year at this point since he’d had an actual job) or I was done. I just couldn’t put myself through it anymore. To make a very long story as short as I can, I found a hidden bottle of liquor in his house the next week and left him. Told him I was done and that I wasn’t going to live the rest of my life that way. Of course he called and texted and told me he would change, but after going to therapy, I learned that unless their purpose for quitting is self motivated, they’ll never quit. And oh boy was I depressed! I laid in bed for days just crying my eyes out! It was the most shattered my heart has ever been. A few weeks later (I hadn’t seen him since before I found the hidden bottle) he texted and told me that he wanted to go get help and asked me if he did, would I be there as a friend to support him? He said that he was scared and couldn’t make it alone. I took a few days to think on this and prayed about it and decided that as long as he was going to take those steps, that I would stand by him…not as his gf or Fiance, but as someone who cares deeply for him and loves him. At this point in time, I don’t believe his motivation was completely for himself, rather more in hopes of getting me back, but less than a week after I told him I would stand by him, he called me at 5am freaking out! He had tried not to drink that night and he said he felt like he was going to have a heart attack. He was sweating profusely, heart beating out of his chest…classic withdrawal symptoms. THIS was the turning point. He finally realized and took responsibility for the fact that he had a problem that went beyond just the will power to not drink. He had been drinking so much and so often that his body NEEDED it. 2 days later he was checked into a detox facility.
Since coming home from rehab, he has been a completely new person! He’s almost a year sober, has a wonderful job that he really enjoys, we got re-engaged in December and are getting married in 49 days! No joke, since he quit drinking, we literally have not had one single fight. Little bickers here and there that we quickly resolve because that pride and defensiveness that was brought on by the alcohol is gone! It does make me a little sad from time to time when he calls his friends to hang out and watch a football game or something and he asks them if they’re drinking. Most of the time, the answer is yes, and I just watch his face drop and see this disappointment come over him. He usually tells them that we may stop by, which of course we don’t because he just doesn’t want to put himself in a situation where he would be tempted. It just hurts my heart because I know he misses his friends, but they are able to drink responsibly (most of them, anyway). We do have a handful of friends who put the alcohol away when they invite us over or that don’t try to bring it to our house when they come over to hang out. I am so very proud of this man of mine! Although, I understand for addicts, it’s a day to day battle, I have watched him overcome this and it has been so beautiful to see him conquer his addiction like he has!
My story is the exception to the rule in this type of situation…belive me I know that all too well. I have watched other friends of mine deal with a SO or DH who had a problem and their story ended very differently…or it still rages on. I know that we are very blessed to be where we are. I haven’t told this story to very many, because quite frankly, it’s not MY story to tell…it’s his. It can be very embarrassing to tell someone you’re an alcoholic and it’s not my place to decide who knows that about him and who doesn’t. Like I said in the beginning, only those closest to us know the full story of why he doesn’t drink anymore, but I felt compelled to share it with you girls this morning. I am so proud of him and it is truly amazing to look back and see how far we’ve come! God has been good to us and I am very thankful that we’ve battled through this together…we are happier, stronger, and more in love than ever!