(Closed) We've decided "One and Done"–Only One Child + Rude Comments

posted 5 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Random, useless poll just because...
    Having one child is no big deal. Betty White turned out fine! : (119 votes)
    70 %
    No, you must have at least 2 children! Hello, vidoegames and boardgames require at least 2 players.. : (23 votes)
    13 %
    Um....2 is company, but 3 is a crowd and a must! : (3 votes)
    2 %
    If you are going to have children, you really should have enough to run a sports team (8+) : (5 votes)
    3 %
    Why have any children at all? Those little buggers cost a lot of bucks! : (21 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    3039 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Mrs.Sawyertobe: If we do decide to have a second child later on, I’ll have to live on the hope that I’ll experience the same as you – a totally different type of pregnancy. I realize that is a possibility, and that you never know what you’re in for. It’s just frustrating to hear “Oh, well, you’ll be right back at it once you little one is here!” when you feel sicker than you ever done before in your life.

    Post # 62
    Member
    6299 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    annonbee857:  I agree with your whole OP. We are also going to be having one, are not even TTC yet, and get all KINDS of unsolicited comments and opinions on the matter. I shrug and move on.

    Post # 64
    Member
    2087 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I have sisters and have never had a great relationship with them. They were never really nice to me or sisterly, and that honestly is a major reason why I always envisioned myself only having one kid. 

    My Fiance grew up as an only child (he has siblings but they are significantly older and were out of the house while he was growing up) and he envisioned us having two kids, I think because he feels like he missed out on something?

    If anyone asks I say I’m only planning on one. But if I am honest with myself I think I’d be open to more, but as far as plans go I’m only planning on one. 

    Post # 65
    Member
    601 posts
    Busy bee

    JenGirl:  I’m with ya on the estate thing.

    My grandmother died a few years ago leaving the division of her estate up to my mother and her brother. It got REALLY messy. My uncles actions during this very difficult time were truly disgusting. I’m happy that I won’t have to deal with that when the time comes for me to handle my mother’s estate. There won’t be any greedy hands trying to lay claim to her valuables like there were when my grandmother passed.

    Some say that it will be hard on me when my mother eventually dies since I’ll have to handle it on my own but I really can’t imagine it being that much easier on those with siblings. I’m not going to mourn any more or less because I’m an only child and as for support, that’s what my husband, close friends and extended family is for. My best friend is one of five and she knows that when the time comes for her parents, all decisions are going to fall on her. Her siblings are either impressive levels of stupid or just don’t really care about their parents. Having multiple children doesn’t mean that these people are going to be by your side when you die. 

    MammaPants: Bacon is what dreams are made of. 

    Post # 66
    Member
    2393 posts
    Buzzing bee

    annonbee857:  

    I hate to break it to you, but the comments are never going to stop.

    Because Darling Husband and I made the decision years ago — even prior to meeting each other — not to have kids, I’ve been on the receiving end of comments like this all my life. (“Don’t you want to have kids?” “Who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?” etc. etc.)

    I’m now 52 years old, lol.

    Even when I was going through menopause, a well-meaning co-worker asked me if Darling Husband and I were planning on starting a family at some point!

    The best advice I can give you is that you’re going to simply have to stop listening to these nosy people who have no manners and no class, or you’re going to drive yourself crazy.

    Make no apologies to anyone for your choices! You know better than anyone else what is best for you, your Darling Husband, and your (eventual) family. Good luck!

    Post # 67
    Member
    430 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m an only child of an only child who also ‘only’ wants one! I think it is just so rude that people make comments. Sometimes the number of children is a choice, and sometimes it is just nature deciding for you! My grandmother, a war bride, had a “miracle pregnancy” with my mom right after she arrived in the United States and then was never able to conceive again, likely due to the horrible conditions she survived in Europe. Then my mom met my dad when she was in her 40s — she considered herself lucky to have one! Both my mom and my grandmother really resented the implication that they “should” have had more children.

    I remember feeling lonely sometimes as an only, but my life was also peaceful. I wasn’t spoiled, but as I got older I realized that my parents couldn’t have made it with 2 kids: there was just enough resources to get one child fed, clothed, and decently educated. I never knew we were poor. I’m slightly better off financially than they were, but that left an impression on me. I know we can make a nice life for 1 child.

    Post # 68
    Member
    229 posts
    Helper bee

    Some people really can’t help sticking thier noses in! 

    I come from a large Catholic family, I’m the eldest of 4 and we get remarks. Things like “oh was the tc broke for your parents?” and we’re often assumed to be some council family living on benefits. When no we actually we’re well off and well kept. People made assumptions that we were a pack of wild children, fighting over the last peice of bread. When no we had an amazing education, good sized house, cars, colleges ect.. It’s crazy what people imediatly think when they hear your family size. 

    I also don’t buy into the whole “Single children cant share blah blah blah”. Yes I’m eldest of four and loved to share my stuff, my sister on the other hand, her blood boils if you so much as look in the direction of her things. Also my ex was the eldest of 5 and he was the most selfish person I ever met on the planet. 

    Keep your head high, family size does not effect the outcome of your child. People should mind thier own buisness! 🙂 x

    Post # 69
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee

     

    I’m terrified for the day the ‘how many babies’ question comes. We’re planning on more than one, but it’s still an awkward question. As for the ‘only child’ thing, I think they get a rep for being more selfish because their parents are often more capable of giving them everything they ask for.  But quite honestly, I’ve seen not only children given everything they ask for, too. I think I would just answer, instead of one, maybe say ‘we’re not making any decisions on that right now!’ Or something. I don’t know. Not very helpful. But like everyone else has said, it’s none of their business. There’s really no guarantee of a relationship between siblings. I don’t really talk to my brother, but it’s not like we fight constantly. We just kind of…co-exist? I get jealous of my Fiance because he has an amazing friendship with his two brothers.  And I know only children who’ve really enjoyed their lives. Just point out a joyful and meaningful life is not determined by sibling count.

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