Post # 1
I’m torn! Darling Husband have been talking about TTC for the past 4 months (when I went off BC), and decided January (next week actually) will be when we actually start. But now I’m getting worried that we’re doing this too young/too soon. We’re both 25 have been married for a little over a year and have been living in our house for over 2 years. The other day one of my friends was jokingly asking when we’re going to have a kid (we haven’t told anyone yet) and I just said oh I don’t know and my other friend said “no, you’re too young” about 5 times. She’s a year younger than me and no where near where we are in life, so I don’t know if this had anything to do with it. This kind of shook me up and got me worrying. Darling Husband and I have talked about this a million times and know we’re ready, but I think I’m starting to get worried about our relationships changing. I know some will change, but I don’t want some of our friends to judge us or stop talking to us. What are your opinions?
Post # 3
If your friends judge you or stop talking to you…they aren’t good enough friends to keep around. If you know, like you said, that you are ready you aren’t too young. I’m younger than you and we’re TTC officially in March. There is nothing “wrong” with having kids young, especially not when we’re in our 20s. Some people choose to and others don’t.
Quick Add: We all get to different points at different times. I’m sure your friend thought you guys were in similar places when she said that, but I would hope she’d understand that you aren’t. I’m quite a bit ahead of a large amount of my friends, but that doesn’t bother me in the least. A lot of them WANT to be where Fiance and I are and just aren’t. Others have no interest yet, and that’s fine too.
Post # 4
@sarahmc521: I’m your age (25) and my Darling Husband is 34. I’ve found that I’m in such a different place in my life than most of my friends (and they’re all different ages). My SIL is 28 and she’s not ready yet, but I have a high school friend who had her first at 23 and her second at 26 (both were totally planned). It’s truly what you and your Darling Husband want above everything else. Everyone will have an opinion for you (including me!) and it’s up to you if you take it to heart or not. I’ve been told a bazillion times that I’m too young, what about traveling (don’t want to), what about losing your freedom, blah blah blah. Darling Husband and I just got our BFP on Saturday, and we know that it’s exactly what we want.
As for your friends – the good ones will stick around and love you no matter what stage of your life you are in. Sure, the activities you do may change, but quality time is quality time. That’s important to remember… plus you’ll make new friends as you travel along your TTC/pregnancy journey. I’ve thought a lot about the changes in relationships… but I figure that it’ll happen the same if I’m 25, 30, or 40 and pregnant.
Post # 5
By “you’re too young” your friend meant “I’m too young”. She shouldn’t be projecting what she wants in life onto you. She may not like her friends having kids right now but… too bad. I’m 24 and since becoming pregnant I’ve found that one of my friends who is a party girl and just not very family oriented has pulled away somewhat, but other than that most of my friends have surprised me and like to call and ask how I’m feeling and send me pictures of cute things they see for babies, even my guy friends. Real friends will be happy for you at all of life’s big moments, don’t worry about the ones who aren’t. If they aren’t there for you when you’re starting a family they won’t be there when other good things happen for you or when you’re having a tough time and need a friend.
Post # 6
@sarahmc521: i feel you! we decided to wait at least a year (which will be february) and i’ve been off my bc since we got married last february but have been pretty careful about avoiding pregnancy (though sometimes i secretly hope it happens) but when i actually think about it – or when it gets close to period time i start freaking out “what if im actually pregnant this time” sometimes i feel im not ready either – im 25 he is 26 almost 27.
while i crave it, dream of it and want it one day sometimes it scares me to actually think about embarking on that part of our life, but i always hear from people that you are never ready and you just have to jump in with two feet and do it.
your true friends will stick around – you may not have the same amount of time with them but those who matter will still be there 🙂 plus people go through life stages at different times, i have a girlfriend who means the world to me but i dont see her too often, she is single and im married but that doesnt change our friendship, just the logistics of it.
Post # 7
thanks ladies! your advice really helped. you’re right, if they’re true friends, they’ll stick around. Darling Husband and I don’t go out much, maybe once or twice a month and I want to make sure we keep that up after the baby is a few months (we’re fortunate to have a lot of family around that I know will babysit). I just don’t want our friends to think once we have a baby, our lives are over. I’ve read a bunch of posts on here about life after baby and I’ve seen a lot of women say it changes as much as you let it. So I guess we’ll see. Thanks again ladies!!
@AmeliaBedelia: congratulations on your upcomming wedding and good luck TTC in March!
@shimmerofheaven: congratulations on your BFP!!
Post # 8
Friends can be difficult with the TTC process sometimes. All that matters is that you and your Darling Husband feel that you are ready. I don’t think that you are too young. It is all about maturity and being at a stable point in your lives. Don’t let your friend influence your decision.
My best friend makes me feel guilty sometimes that Darling Husband and I are TTC. She has been with her Boyfriend or Best Friend for many years and still no proposal. She wants me to wait and start TTC when they do so that we can have children at the same time. I know that deep down she doesn’t really expect that, but she has said it a few times.
Post # 9
@Moja Milosc: you hit the nail on the head! I think you’re right, she thinks she’s too young. She’s still single and partying. Even though she wants to settle down, she hasn’t so what you said sounds about right. Thanks!
@totheislnds: you’re right, the logistics of relationships do change. I’ve noticed that a little since we’ve been married. And I hear the same thing, you’re never ready. I have a friend that had a baby a few months ago (baby was a surprise!) and she hasn’t let baby change her life too much. She’s still going out every once in a while and keeping her friendships, they’ve just changed a bit. Thanks!!
@Sunshine1810: I have a feeling my friend will be a little jealous also. She doesn’t have a long term boyfriend, but she definitely wants one and I can see her getting jealous that I have all of this and she’s still single. I just don’t want her to distance herself from me, but I guess I don’t have much to do about it. Thanks!
Post # 10
@sarahmc521: We are in the same boat to a certain degree. I can’t wait to have a baby and be a Mother (I’ve been off BC since July and I’ve also been charting since then as well), but sometimes the thought of starting that phase of my life terrifies the living hell out of me! Once you’re a parent, there’s no turning back.
Part of me gets super freaked out that I will have a baby and then realize that it’s not what I wanted yet or that I would find out right away that I wasn’t ready, but doesn’t everyone have those fears?
Sorry if this isn’t actually helping LOL! I guess I can just empathize with you a little bit because I have those fears as well.
Post # 11
@sarahmc521: My friend and I have gone through some ups and downs due to the same thing! We went through a tough patch when I got engaged, but it got better after a while. It has been pretty good, but if I end up getting pregnant, I could see it getting rocky again.
I think she did try to distance herself from me a bit, but I just made sure to make a lot of effort in our friendship and it was okay. I don’t think that you will lose her as a friend, but your friendship might just go through phases like mine did for a while until your friend can accept that your life is just going in a different direction right now. I just try to be as supportive as I can with my friend, and I try to be careful when I talk about these things. I honestly don’t bring up the topic of marriage, or babies unless she does.
Hang in there! I know it’s tough!
Post # 12
@MrsCarnival: it helps to know someone else is feeling the same way! sometimes I think about it and it terrifies the hell out me too! but like pp said, most are never ready, you just get ready when the baby comes. thanks for your input!
@Sunshine1810: You’re right, we’ll probably just go through a phase. Although, when I was planning my wedding, she was very involved and always so excited, so maybe she’ll surprise me. I tried to do the same thing, not bring up wedding planning when we were hanging out and wait for her to bring it up and I was surprised by how much she wanted to talk about it. Thanks for your support, I really appreciate it!
Post # 13
@Moja Milosc: By “you’re too young” your friend meant “I’m too young”. She shouldn’t be projecting what she wants in life onto you.
OP, I’m 22 and I am too young for kids. I am 100% certain that I was prepared for marriage and all that came with it, but the thought of children right now makes me shudder. However, people both younger and older than me that I’m friends with have children and it’s absolutely the light of their life. One has two within a year of each other, her whole life is wrapped up in mommy dates and teething and kiddy poop, and she’s the happiest person on earth because she gets to be a mother. It’s such a personal thing, you know? Only you can decide if you’re too young, not your friend.
And re: your concerns about your friends: from the other side, I know it’s easy for people to say “Oh, if they’re your BFFs they won’t let you down!” but it IS hard for people without kids to identify with people who do. I don’t love my friends any less and I try to be the best friend I can, but does it change your relationship to have munchkins running around while you’re hanging out with the DINKs? Absolutely. Things will change, but it doesn’t have to be for the worst! Your true friendships will survive, and then adapt. Both you and your friend will have to meet in the middle to connect with each other, which for her will mean chatting with you about baby puke, and for you will mean not talking 24/7 about your life and your kids. It can and will work with your BFFs, so take heart 🙂
Post # 14
thanks for your insight! You’re right I have to expect changes in my relationships and it’ll be up to me to make it work. I just hope it doesn’t change too much. Thanks again!