Post # 1
Well last night I got up the courage to ask SO in a completely calm light hearted way, as opposed to the usual alcohol fueled manor in which it usually comes up in conversation, about our time line. And boy did it rain on my parade…. Silly me was thinking that I belonged on the October Waiting list, turns out I was way off….his Exact answer was “I dunno…a Year?Longer?”. Acting like I wasn’t devastated was one of the most difficult tasks I’ve ever encountered…. A little bit later I said, “geeze, I can’t believe you wanna wait a whole year to ask me to Marry you, what are you waiting for anyway?” His response “I’m just not there yet…” That one hurt way worse than the news of the year wait….Not There yet?! How could he not be there yet? I just don’t get it, well maybe I just don’t like it is all, I feel foolish that I thought it would be happening anyday now, I feel hurt at the thought that ‘he’s not there yet’ what exactly does that mean? He’s assured me several times that we will be together forever and he wants to marry me, so what isn’t there yet for him?!
I just can’t believe that I have a minimum of a year of waiting ahead of me…I Think I MAY GO CRAZY…top This situation off with the attendance of my younger cousins wedding this weekend, which mimics the details of my dream wedding…this One is going to be tuff!
Thanks for listening ladies…any good advice on things to keep me busy for a year! What works for you??
Post # 3
Don’t rush him. If he’s not there yet, talking engagement to him all the time isn’t going to get him there faster. Just enjoy the time you have together without all of the wedding-related stress!
Post # 4
How long have you been together?
Post # 5
Ok, first off…I’m SUPER sorry that he took the air right out of your engagement balloon, that sucks and you be sad about it…I know you did the fancy chicken and everything so I’m sorry it was in vain. But maybe look at this like a one year, last hurrah, extra fun extravaganza! Instead of brooding over the fact that your waiting another year, why not make yourself a bucket list and go get er done! Ever wanted to blow a ton of cash at some chi-chi spa and drink a pina colada while your up to your neck in tibetan yak mud? ON THE LIST!! How about learning fencing and reinacting Errol Flynn in Robin Hood? ON THE LIST! Maybe an eccentric hobby, like Russian Egg Painting or Falconing? ON THE LIST!
The point is, this is not a prison sentence, but an opportunity to totally focus on yourself before you become one half of a whole, where your focus on yourself can be greatly diminished at times for to greater good…I’d run with it!
Post # 6
@brideoffrankenstein: a similar thing happened to me a couple of years ago. He was still at University so I knew it wouldn’t actually happen any time soon, but eventually he told me to stop being miserable and mopey because he wouldn’t want to marry someone who wasn’t happy all the time, because why should he want to? That really made me think and I stopped thinking about weddings completely for about a year.
A year after that my best friend got engaged and he told me we’d be married before her (date set 2 years away) and that was that. over the past few months we’ve been ring shopping and stuff, and he will be proposing this month.
My advice to you is to GET OFF WEDDINGBEE. it seems harsh, but if it’s not coming for another year, you have to stop being surrounded by it, and focus on other things. holidays or your career or something.
it will come when the time is right.
Post # 7
he might mean that he isn’t there financially… my SO is waiting until he has a better job and feels financially stable… even if it kills me! lol
Post # 8
First off (( HUGS ))
Because I am sure having that conversation altho important / necessary, was pretty painful & deflating at the same time (I agree a year is a frickin long time when you were expecting something any day now)
Honestly, your post here, reminds me a lot of two others I replied to in the past in regards to how men don’t think like women, and WHY sometimes even tho we are movin on down the road to marriage, they don’t seem to even have left the parking lot yet…
You might garner something from those two threads, and the replies I wrote…
Check out = http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/boyfriend-its-too-soon-to-talk-about-that and my Reply # 28 in that one… along with the one I cross-referenced within it.
Clearly your guy JUST ISN’T THERE YET
Post # 9
@brideoffrankenstein: Do you mind me asking…..WHY did you think it was happening this month?? Did he give any indication of this??
Post # 10
@Nona99: OMG Nona, you’re like a bloody Oracle.
OP… listen to her.. this is excellent advice, and it sounds FUN too.
Post # 11
How old are you? How long have you been together?
Post # 12
@Nona99: I want you for my BFF…you always have the greatest replies!!!
Post # 13
@MissNoodles: & @bridesmomma: Thanks ladies, I hate to see people upset, especially when there’s such a tremendous amount of fun to be had in this life! I think we can all get a little too focused on the things we want, and totally miss out on the things we never knew we could have had! You have to strike out in search of fun, friends, and silliness at every opportunity, lest we start to take ourselves WAAAY to seriously!
Post # 15
P.S. – I have actually done everything I listed…SO MUCH FUN! Falconing was my favorite…birds of prey are amazing, and to quote Gary Oldman from Dracula, “There is much to be learned from beasts.”
Post # 16
I was in the exact same situation – we had discussed marriage and I felt we were at a point in our relationship where that was the next step. Then I found out I had a 6-18 month waiting period (yes I was given a timeline with a year span!). My Boyfriend or Best Friend said he wants to be 100% sure because this is the most important decision of his life and he wants to enter into it armed with the knowledge that its for forever. Although I might be 100% ready, him being 98% ready isn’t enough to take that next step further.
I hate knowing I have to wait so long! And we had 7 weddings this year and 8 next year. Its tough, especially when all your friends and family are getting married. Hang in there!