(Closed) What a sad sad day? Why am I even bothering to wait????

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Have you guys talked about marriage, together? Or do you really think he’s just going to give you a ring and marry you to keep you around? As in, just to appease you?! Cuz that’s not fair to either of you.

At 30 I can’t blame you for wanting to know. Sit him down and say “listen…” and lay it out. You need to know or you don’t. He needs to know you aren’t going to leave him, but that you are concerned about having a baby in the future and you need to know how he feels about the whole thing.

Post # 5
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Do not “wait” then. Just assume that it’s not gonna happen until another 3 months. If there’s no reason for your  bf to hurry up, there’s no reason why he needs to rush to get it. Maybe he wants to do something grandiose and the higher expectation he has for himself, the more likely he needs more time to plan (procrastinate). Guys are like that. They like to procrastinate big important things. If proposal were to be trivial to him, you would probably have the ring already.

Another thing is, if there’s an indeed an impending deadline, you guys should discuss it so he knows that you have a deadline for him. Otherwise, just relax. 30 yr old is nothing. Give him at least 2 or 3 months and you may be pleasantly surprised within a week or something.

Post # 7
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

awwww i was there just up until 13 days ago!!! in my FI’s case, he had to pay off the ring in installments and so he was just waiting until the end of the month when he got his paycheck. i feel really really terrible now about being so impatient before, when my Fiance was trying his hardest to make me the happiest woman on earth.

waiting sucks but after talking to my Fiance, i realise that if he could, he would have proposed ages ago. he really wanted to, but just couldn’t financially. anyhow, i hope your day comes soon!

Post # 8
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I hope things get better for you. Maybe he is planning the proposal right now. But I understand how you feel about the kids though. I’m 28 and I don’t want to be 30 having my first either. I know that sounds silly to some, but I’m not having a kid ON PURPOSE at 34 or older.Now, if God gives me a surprise after then…it’s all good.LOL But I understand where you are coming from.I was feeling the same yesterday. Don’t worry. He’s probably planning something special. Give him a little more time.Laughing

 

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Well I was in the same boat until May of this year.  We had been together for 3 years and I had just turned 31.  I had in my mind that I would move on after I turned 31.  But then I just couldn’t because I LOVE HIM!  I couldn’t give up on us.  We had talks all the time about being together and having a family.  So I knew he felt the same.  But I couldn’t understand why he was waiting.

Finally after I broke down on our Vacation in Hawaii, he told me that he was waiting because he thought it would be impolite to propose so close to my brother’s wedding day.  Of course I said it wouldn’t be.  But now that I think about it he was right.  The wedding was the next week.  As it turns out while killing time waiting on the airplane we found my ring at a store there in Hawaii and bought. 

He didn’t give it to me until 3 weeks later.  Had to let the brother’s wedding talk die down and surprise me.

Be paitent. I know it is hard, but it sounds like it is going to happen.  So be happy about that and be excited. 

Post # 10
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Trust me you are not alone in your feelings. I was going crazy this summer waiting for my boyfriend to propose to me. It didn’t help that he kept saying “soon soon.” All I can tell you is to try and let it go. You know it’s going to happen. It’s hard not having control of the situation (this was my biggest problem) but you just have to relax. Be happy that you found someone that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with! When my boyfriend finally proposed it was definitely worth the wait! Hang in there!

Post # 12
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Why does he need to propose? If you are really feeling this way, why not just say “I don’t want to wait for a proposal, I want to sit down and decide.” And then… you’ve decided, together. It doesn’t make you any less engaged, and it doesn’t leave you feeling powerless and out of control of your own future.

Post # 13
Member
32 posts
Newbee

Oh I know how crazy we can get over this.  The fact that he’s shared the information with coworkers, friends, or even family shows that he’s serious and it’s happening.  I felt pretty low, myself, a few days ago because I had noticed SO stopped talking about engagement.  In fact, I broke down in tears at a wedding we went to and he looked at me like I was nuts, laughed, and said he stopped talking about it because I had ASKED him to.  But my point is, though I asked him to, I convinced myself of the following:

– He doesn’t want to marry me anymore.

– I did something wrong.

– I will never get married.

Obviously those are crazy statements.  And at least you know he’s getting a ring. 🙂 SO and I have talked about THE ring, but anytime I poke at a timeframe he says “well I think we are moving at the right pace”, and sometimes he tries to throw me off by saying, “but that’s a LONG time from now”.  SO knows by my reaction I am not happy with that, and I know by his reaction he’s bluffing.  No man who doesn’t want to get engaged TALKS about getting engaged, marriage, kids, “us”, “we”, and plans for a future. 

But it might be time to cook that engagement chicken.  😉

Post # 14
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

my best advice is to talk to us here, or to a good girlfirend about your impatience.  If you’ve talked about it and you’ve been ring shopping it sounds like something is in the works!  I think most women get super impatient before the proposal, but you don’t want to ruin it by nagging, askign about details or being nosy.    A friend of mine actually begged the proposal out of her husband!

He had a whole proposal set up for later in the day.  She got so whiny about not being engaged yet, and he had the ring in his pocket so they were sitting in his bedroom, and he just said “fine, here, will you marry me and stop cyring about it?”  She always regrets not being just a little more patient!

Post # 15
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

*hugs* it will happen … I mean, really … it sounds like you do know that in your heart of hearts he will propose and for all of the right reasons! Hang tough! And vent here when you need to!

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