(Closed) What a terrible weekend

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Oh hon, I’m so sorry.  That’s hard.  My SO has bad anxiety at times as well and it’s difficult when he is overthinking things because that means he will get more anxious and then sometimes things will go downhill from there.  I know it’s hard to hear, because it feels personal, but it’s not.  It’s the anxiety.  *hugs*

 

That being said, men and women are so damn different when it comes to this.  I remember when we looked at rings I was ready to have the thing on my finger within a WEEK, lol.  SO, on the other hand, not so much.  He was/is stressing about money, wants it to be right and not rushed, etc.  I think that it says a lot that they want the time and proposal to be right.  We women tend to get a little wedding crazy at the first sign of something sparkly, lol… 😉

Hang in there, I’m sorry you had a bad waiting weekend.  I hope the week is much better!

Post # 4
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am sorry 🙁 if I were you I would stop talking about it all together. You seem to have pushed a big button. You already know he want to propose since you did look at rings. I totally understand how hard that is though. We actually bought my ring together so now I’m playing the waiting game. He gets really irritated when I bring it up because I already know to much.  

Post # 5
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Are you sure he was going to propose in November? You said in previous posts that he sort of spilled the beans, but what if he gave you the wrong impression? I think that only because it really is weird for a guy to take you ring shopping (something you obviously loved) then to clam up and get angry when you talk about other wedding and marriage stuff. His giant over reaction to your wedding talk makes me think that he is nowhere near ready, and the ring shopping was just to keep you happy. Is that something you could live with?

Post # 7
Member
2914 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@awolfpaw:  It sounds to me a little bit like you are starting to feel that there’s something wrong with you that your current relationship isn’t enough and you want that commitment of engagement and marriage. There is NOT anything wrong with you. Some people want marriage, others don’t. Maybe your SO doesn’t, when it comes right down to it. Maybe he knows he’s supposed to want it, because society tells us that, but deep down, he doesn’t. That doesn’t mean there’s some special reason he thinks you’re “not right” for him, just that maybe he isn’t a marriage kind of person. In any case, his reaction to your attempts at basic conversation about a wedding was WAY over the top, and clearly something isn’t right in his mind over the issue. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I think you might benefit from a few days away to really think about what you want and whether a relationship with him will provide it.

Post # 8
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@awolfpaw:  DON’T let it go, this is something important to you! I’m sorry but he has to man up and do some thinking about what it “wrong” and what he really wants. And I think you should carefully judge when it’s time to make him think about it, whether its tomorrow, or in a month, or December, etc. but he HAS to think about it and talk to you about it.

Post # 9
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Maybe you guys should take a weekend and focus on yourselves as a couple.  Stay away from other people, just spend a whole weekend together and have “us” time.  You guys may just need to recharge and rekindle the romance.  Sometimes when life gets overwhelming (as it can when thinking about the future/ring shopping) it’s good to feel loved and comforted.

Post # 10
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

So sorry. But dont worry. My Fiance was the EXACT same.  We would looke at rings or whatever and i would want to talk about our future and i would always get shut down. 

He just wants to be able to surprise you and not feel pressured. You have looked at rings and now its his responsibility to pick one and find the money to pay for it.  So he doesnt want to feel like your down his throat at every turn while he arranges everything. 

Post # 11
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@GoldfishPie:  Good advice. I think this time the anxiety might have gotten to him, but in the future, OP, if he won’t even talk to you about something that’s just as much your future as his, I’d be really upset.

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