(Closed) What about being a good guest?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Katnisseverdeen:  I don’t know about other posters, but I usually qualify my answers with “As a guest, I would support my friends regardless”. I usually just respond with what I would do as a bride, because that’s honestly what I would do, not necessarily what I would “expect” or feel entitled to as a guest. 

Post # 4
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think a good guest should be there, have fun and be respectful. I would expect the same as anyone in my house. And as a host I would provide what I what they would enjoy most.

Post # 5
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think it’s much easier to be a good guest than it is to be a good host.  As a guest, there’s only ONE person to be concerned about (yourself!) vs. as a host – you are trying to juggle the tastes and personalities of MANY people.

I think there are the basics of being a good guest:  show up at an appropriate time, celebrate with the couple, participate in the activities, and be amicable.

Post # 6
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think there’s something to be said for that, not even related to some of today’s topics on the board, just in general. Some people just pick apart other peoples’ events. Weddings, birthday parties, anything.

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with you wholeheartedly!

Post # 8
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I totally agree with this sentiment.

Post # 9
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s like any other issue in life – there’s give and take on both sides. If you’re asking people to participate in the day, then you should be a good hostess and treat your guests as well as you can. By the same token, if you’re invited to participate in someone’s day and choose to attend, you should be as appreciative as you can.

Where I think this gets messy in many situations discussed on these boards is that real life is rarely so black and white. Some people are just crappy guests and then brides feel a frustration in dealing with it, and they may not react as graciously as they probably should. By the same token, the term bridezilla exists for a reason. It doesn’t apply to many brides, but some take the cake when it comes to demanding their way every time.

Whenever you have situations where people come on and try to get help when there are these gray areas (rarely are brides truly bridezillas or guests behaving that badly), there’s usually context and background missing. Mix with that cultural traditions that some of us have never heard of before, and it’s just asking for some (politely) heated discussions on boards like these.

On the specific issue of supporting beliefs and values, it’s something that really depends on context. If you’re all about pushing the comfort zones of your guests, then there’s just no point in inviting other people. Only you know your guest list, and there’s just no point to purposefully having a “me me me” day that leaves a bad taste in many mouths, so to speak. On the other hand, if it’s something that is very much in line with with your family and guests, then there shouldn’t be any big deal to what you want.

Like I said, it’s an awkward balance. The day isn’t all about the bride and groom the second they invite people to join them. By the same token, the day is about honoring two unique people coming together. Sometimes that’s going to cause stress.  The good hostess tries to make it as smooth as possible, and the good guest should be appreciative of her efforts.

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