- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
I’m not engaged quite yet, but it’s looking like it will be sometime in the next few months. I am a planner and kind of type-A, so I’ve thought about the details for a long time.
I am very lucky in the sense that I have many very close friends. I have four people that I know I want in my bridal party: my sister, my 2 best childhood friends, and my best friend from high school. All of these are people that I’ve had long friendships with, but they are not connected in any way. I have no concerns about these 4 girls getting along or being part of a bridal party – I’ve been Maid/Matron of Honor for all of them and they all love weddings. I know there won’t be any drama or stress with them. I also like the idea of a fairly small bridal party because it just seems easier. I like keeping everyone happy, so dealing with events/dresses/money etc for a smaller amount of people seems more manageable.
The thing that stresses me out is that I also have a close-knit group of three girlfriends. I went to grad school with these ladies and they have become some of my closest friends in adulthood. I would say I hang out with them on a more regular basis, because there’s a group element and someone is always planning something.
The problem is…I don’t think these girls would want to be bridesmaids. They hate “cheesy” wedding stuff and are pretty vocal about it. Just knowing their personalities, I can imagine they would be unhappy as bridesmaids, but would do it with a smile because they care about me. But I could also see it leading to some irritation/bad feelings that would be dealt with behind the scenes. The idea of them being miserable and bitching about my wedding makes me super stressed out!
Obviously, the clear answer would be to limit my bridal party to the original four I listed. I know it would make me happier. But I’m a total people pleaser and I worry that if I didn’t ask these other girls, it would make them feel like our friendship isn’t as valuable as it is. I don’t want them to question their importance.
When the time does come, I was thinking of writing them each a letter, asking them to be my “non-Bridesmaid.” I saw this on another post here and I thought it was adorable. I also want to honor them on my wedding day with a personal card thanking them for their friendship and support. I want them to feel loved, but I also don’t want to create a stressful situation for anyone (including me!). I know I could always ask them their opinion, but my fear is that they would say they’d want to be part of it because they want to make me happy. At heart, we’re all “pleasers,” which makes it hard to know what someone actually wants, lol!
TLDR: Many close girlriends. Have three that probably wouldn’t want to be bridesmaids, but would say yes to be kind and be miserable behind my back. I’m worried that there will be hurt feelings if I don’t ask them. What should I do?