(Closed) What about this whole “cougar” thing?

posted 9 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yeah.  If a forty-year-old man dates a twenty-year-old woman, no one makes up special names for him–it’s treated as a normal desire.  I wish people would treat women in a comparable situation equally.

Post # 4
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

I’m 49 dating a 48 year old. Does that make me a cougar? lol, I know it doesn’t…what could we call it? A Cheetah maybe?

Post # 6
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

I can’t stand to see man twice someones senior marrying a girl. That’s discusting and there should be a law about it. I’ve seen men that look like the woman’s grandpa. Are they cougars or what? What is their name. Maybe it’s gold digger for her but again, he gets no name. except rocking the cradle. What on earth can the two of them do but travel..  I think a young women should not give up her life with such a bone either.

Post # 7
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i heard that an older man who marries a younger girl is a sugar daddy 😛

and lol @jadeblue that was good 😛

Post # 8
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m marrying a guy 11 years younger than me! and it’s just perfect.  Nobody even looks at us on the street or in stores or restaurants anywhere because we look well-matched.  So either he looks like hell (hehe) or I look okay, right ladies!!

Post # 9
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

lol, I love jadeblue’s comment!!

Post # 10
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Still giggling about the cheetah too.

I am just barely 41 now.  I guess I must’ve been a cougar dating a guy 3 years younger than myself a few years back (we worked w/same cardiac practice). 

Personally I’m allergic to cats.  Don’t call me a cougar.  Call me nothing, except comment I look about a decade younger than my age on my drivers’ license.

I had a patient tell me today “you look young.  you been doin’ this long?”  I loved it!  Loved it!  I smiled and said, “Ma’am, I’m 41 and have been licensed for 17 years now”.  Cool

Post # 11
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

yeah I’m 39 my hubby is 29 but because I am short and look young for my age people are  astounded when I tell them my age, he’s tall at 6 foot 3 and matured since he has travelled extensively, we are matched, some of my friends even think he looks more matured than me

 

cougar,I dont like that term, but you know what? good for me, I say. my hubby is a stud, I think people make up names because they are jealous; funny my sister who is my closest friend and family says I am turning 40, I am getting old but I know she means it in jest, I still feel like 25,and get hit on when I go out at night and get whistled at,so I think it depends on how you think and feel and act; if I am a cougar then so be it, I got a hottie and I love him to pieces and he does me:) good for me;)

Post # 12
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I worry more about when they STOP calling me a cougar!

Post # 13
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly what I absolutely detest is a derogatory name given to a women/group of women at a certain age/stage of their lives.

For example, how many here hate the dreaded word “bridezilla”?  I do.  it’s def not me and is a way to say something nasty about a woman getting married.  Cougar?  I see the same negative connotation to that also.  As if we’re not supposed to be attractive past a certain age, behave as though we’re from decades gone by, and live a life of celibacy and choose to do as Bridget Jones said in her movie “live as a spinster” for the rest of our lives if we’re not married by 35 or something silly like that.   In years’ past “Old maid” was another negative name given to unmarried women over 30 also.  There is even a card game called that and the object of the game is not to “get the Old Maid”.

Why not have names for guys who are out there single after 40?  I know my Fiance is in his early 40’s, is George Clooney hot (even with his salt and pepper goatee), and has a wicked brain to match his outside, but nobody has ever said one thing about him or any of his friends (he has 2 single, attractive, professional guy friends over 40 btw).  But me? 

I have had very old fashioned patients who asked me my age and marital status  say “wow, why aren’t you married yet?  You should be married by now.”

I told them I am divorced.  And I get a pause.  Then they look at me sometimes and wonder.  I don’t add in information people don’t need access to and usually say nothing after that.  As if that in itself is a bad thing.  Nevermind I am a person, with a heart, who endured a husband who cheated and didn’t really want to have to start her life over as a single mom at 33.

Look, I remember the whole “Harper Valley PTA” thing when I was a very small child.  I remembered hearing my own mom call a divorced mom of one of my friends “Oh her?  She’s the prez of the harper valley pta don’t ya know?”  So this kind of negative connotation about the older single (or divorced) woman (or mom) has been going on a long time.

Here’s the movie poster and the object of a small towns’ fascination from back in the 70’s with a would be “cougar”:

I am kind of sensitive to the “cougar” thing because I was treated quite negatively at the subdivison I used to live in 3 years ago.  I was the only single woman in my section of the neighborhood and the moms who lived there (mostly stay at home moms) thought apparently divorce was catching.  Or a disease.  Little did any of them know I didn’t want to be a single mom, and never had planned on it.  At the neighborhood swimming pool one summer, you would have thought the atomic bomb dropped when I went swimming with my child and wore a bikini.  I mean, I was treated like “lock up your men ladies, we have a cougar here!”.   I actually overheard one (rather frumpy imho) mom say to another nearby “that’s the single mom who lives on X cove”.  It hurt to be honest.  It was as if I was not allowed to be attractive, be a mom, and be single past the age of 30 living amongst other married people.  Or if I was a catalyst for home-wrecking in general, in some bizarre way.  

The the cougar thing does not really bother men at all (according to T), and that it’s basically woman-created and a way to be insulting to other women.  A way to put down attractive single women who are past 30.  So I don’t use the “c” word.  Or a way to explain an attraction a younger man has for a woman a bit older than him.  (which was also explained by T).

Why propegate a stereotype that puts women down?  Why?  I don’t get it.  If you call me a cougar, you’ll get an earful.    

Post # 14
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I just don’t see it as a stereotype or a put-down. Tome, a cougar is a woman who is “mature”, but still looks good.

I used to hate being called cute when I was younger. Esp once I was in my twenties. Well, I wouldn’t mind if someone called me that now! I feel the same way about cougar.

Post # 15
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am 25 so I may see it a little differently. I think if I were “cougar” age and someone refered to me as a cougar I would take it more as a compliment. Any comment that is made to tell you that you look great is flattering. I suppose it depends on who says it or how they say it.

Be proud that your a “cougar”! You’ve taken care of yourself and look great, relish it.

Post # 16
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My objection to it is that cougars are predators on unsuspecting prey, so the nickname “cougar” implies that one is out on the prowl for a helpless young victim.

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