What about waiting makes YOU so crazy?

posted 10 months ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
449 posts
Helper bee

Just wanting it to be official. To be officially engaged. We’ve been dating and living together for over 3 years. We do everything together. So I know it’s forever and I know we’ll be getting married. That’s been our plan since day one. But I feel like friends and family doubt it sometimes. I want to be able to talk about weddings stuff without feeling like people are rolling their eyes on the inside. I know it sounds silly but I want the ring and the title and a date set so I can be like “see I told you this was happening.” Fingers crossed that I won’t be waiting much longer though! 

Post # 32
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

MissEloise :  I absolutely feel you. I wanted it to just happen so I could tell everyone I wasn’t crazy for wanting to tell about wedding dresses and being married. Hopefully you will get that opportunity very soon!

Post # 33
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

Well, right now what’s making me crazy is trying to pick out the ring! Why is it so difficult?? 

Post # 34
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I guess for me it’s that I’m in my late 20s and just started medical school. We’ve been together a long time (we’re the last non-married couple in the friend group), and my time to plan and have a traditional wedding (which he says he wants, I’d rather elope) is severely limited between board exams and clinical rotations. He doesn’t plan ahead for anything so it’s all very frustrating. Honestly the best time to get married would be this coming summer since this is the last summer vacation (1 month) I’ll ever get. It’s too late for that, and he point blank said it would be too soon. Sigh. 

Post # 35
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

maryc20 :  Hi bee! I’m a medical student too 🙂 I’m in the US and I know next to nothing about med school in other countries, so this is all assuming you’re in the US as well — You’re right that the summer after MS1 is a great time to get married, but so is the spring of MS4 — at most schools, there is tons of elective and vacation time, and you can arrange your schedule to be as light or as hard as you want. I’m a waiting bee too, and my boyfriend and I have discussed getting married between Match Day and graduation. It sounds like you’re an MS1, so that’s 3 years away yet for you, but just a tip that not all hope is lost in terms of good timing for marriage and med school. Kids, on the other hand… I don’t think there’s ever a good time in medical training for that. 

(ETA: not to say you can’t have kids while in med school/residency of course! People do it all the time. It’s just that there isn’t really a great time to do it, so you kind of just have to have kids whenever you’re ready and deal with the consequences. That being said, there are objectively not good times to have kids, like right before Step 1 or during third year if you don’t want to take a year off, but people still have kids during those time frames and they make it work!)

I wish you all the best though! Perhaps he’ll change his mind about this summer. Or you could even have a small wedding winter break of MS2, that is if you don’t take Step 1 until late spring or summer of MS2. If you have any other questions, I’m happy to try and help; I know several people who have gotten married or who are planning to get married (myself included!) during med school so I understand the somewhat unique complications that come with only have specific windows available (which I know seems very unromantic to try and force a relationship into my career’s timeline, but it is what it is. My SO was initially really startled and somewhat displeased about the idea that med school dictates when we can/should do certain things with our relationship, but he gets it now. Hopefully yours will come around too!). 

Post # 36
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

nalastardust :  Thank you for the encouragement! Yeah, he’s just so averse to planning ahead of time, except for money, that’s like the one thing he’s great with haha. iIt’s just stressful to get him to understand how our training makes things harder. Once he shot down this summer my next idea was winter break of MS2 w/ just family but he doesn’t like that idea either. Glad to hear that 4th year is still an option though! I don’t know. After 8 years I’m getting pretty tired of waiting. 

Post # 37
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

maryc20 :  That’s really frustrating 🙁 A suggestion I’ve seen on here that I really like is ask him to write down his ideal relationship timeline while you write yours down, and then you show each other. That way you can see where his head’s at without feeling like you’re pressuring him to agree to your timeline if that’s not what he really wants. My SO isn’t the greatest planner in the world either, but honestly after 8 years and in his late 20s, he should have some idea of what he sees in the future for you guys. And even if he doesn’t naturally plan that far, it’s important to you, so it should be important to him! Do you have any idea why he doesn’t like the MS2 winter break idea? That sounds lovely!! Though I suppose thats less than a year away, so maybe he thinks it’s too soon. 

Med school DOES go by really quickly, so I hope that’s some consolation for you while you wait. I start rotations in three months, and I feel like I got my acceptance letter yesterday!

 

Post # 38
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m now married, but when I was waiting there were 2 main things that made me crazy/frustrated me the most.

1. When people would ask when we were getting engaged/married. I didn’t mind it at first, but it does get super draining – particularly when the boyfriend is the one who’ll be doing all the asking (he had made it clear that he wanted to do the proposal, if I had asked he would have said no). I just started saying “you’ll have to ask DH as that isn’t up to me” really bluntly. Knowing how I felt, I now make it a point to not ask anyone when they’re going to get married.

2. When people who had been dating nowhere near as long as we had would get engaged/married. I saw three of my friends get engaged before I did (two had been with their SO about 4 years versus my 6+, and the third hadn’t even been with her SO 2 years). There were also a bunch of acquaintances who got engaged/married in the few years that I was waiting. This really made me question what DH was waiting for and why everyone else seemed to be ready but he wasn’t.

Post # 39
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

JessieFay13 :  That’s a good point, SO many people have gotten engaged and married since I’ve been waiting, some not even together half the time we have. It’s hurtful sometimes wondering why he isn’t ready when everyone else seems to be. :\

Post # 40
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

nalastardust :  He mostly doesn’t want to do winter break because it’s too soon. Though tbh a part of me feels like he gave up the right to say anything is too soon when our 8th anniversary came and went.

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