Post # 1
My bff has cold feet. He has legitimate reasons why his fiance (been dating for 4.5 years) isn’t right for him. i.e. sex life is abysmal; he isn’t as attracted to her anymore; and, he feels like she doesn’t support him but is always looking to find faults in him.
I’ve already said my piece and said that if he had any doubts, he should call off the engagement (their wedding isn’t until 2014; he wanted to finish his masters first). I have strong feelings that he would just go through with the wedding because he feels obligated that he invested this much time.
Post # 3
Marry her because of all the time they’ve spent together only to have a divorce under his name a year after that, or just avoid the whole hassle and managing finances altogether?
Post # 5
If he has second thoughts then he should address the reasons why. If it’s not likely that the issues will resolve themselves then divorce is HIGHLY likely or he will just settle for an unhappy marriage.
Post # 6
Yeah I think he really needs to reconsider and think about their relationship before going forward.
Post # 7
He will be miserable if those are his only reasons for marrying her.
Post # 8
Honestly, I don’t think you should say anything to him. You’ve already told him how you feel and it’s his problem at this point. He needs to figure out his life before he marries into a relationship that doesnt work.
Post # 9
@mnp: I think there’s only so much you can do. Nothing you say will make him change his mind if he isn’t open to it.
I’d suggest that divorces are much more difficult than calling off a wedding.
To me this isn’t cold feet… it’s serious doubts.
Post # 10
@Birdee106: I agree. It sounds like a trainwreck waiting to happen, but all you can do is say your piece, which you’ve done. If it’s a mistake, it’s his to make. Try to be supportive of his decision, whatever that may be, unless he flat-out asks you if it’s a bad idea to get married.
Post # 11
not much you can do for this guy
I wish him well
Post # 12
@peachacid: This is exactly what I thought when I read the title. I guess great minds think alike?
OP-The best you can do at this point, it seems, is support him in whatever he decides. As you have, I would have suggested postponing the wedding and/or canceling the engagement all together. How old is your BFF?
Post # 13
@lawbride88: He has tried to address the problems but his fiance does not seem to see what his gripe is about. Also, he has the mentality that marriage requires sacrifice and sometimes “settling” isn’t always a bad thing.
@anemonie: I’ll try to be supportive but it’s so hard to just sit there and watch this trainwreck about to happen. Oi… I promise not to stand up and say, “I object” when the officiant asks if anyone objects. lol
Post # 14
@arsing89: He is 29. She is 28. I kind of think that if he doesn’t know what he wants, he needs to break it off so that she has time to recupe from the relationship and move on. I know, not all women have that biological clock ticking or freak out that they aren’t married by 30 yrs old but I have a feeling it will be breed a ton of resentment from her.
Post # 15
I think if his reasons were wanting to be more financially stable before committing, wanting to own a house, or to be mentally ready for the responsibility of a family etc. it would be fine, but the reasons he has cold feet seem to be pretty big deals! Could you maybe suggest pre-marital counseling so they get these issues addressed, or at least discussed?
Post # 16
@mnp: After 4.5 years, they’re probably hitting a slump that most would hit 2.5yrs into marriage. They should think about premarriage counseling… sometimes you just need a change in perspective to help pull you through a rut.