(Closed) What advice would you have for someone who has cold feet?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

BAAAD idea.

Marry her because of all the time they’ve spent together only to have a divorce under his name a year after that, or just avoid the whole hassle and managing finances altogether?

Post # 4
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Socks!

Post # 5
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If he has second thoughts then he should address the reasons why. If it’s not likely that the issues will resolve themselves then divorce is HIGHLY likely or he will just settle for an unhappy marriage. 

Post # 6
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah I think he really needs to reconsider and think about their relationship before going forward.

Post # 7
Member
895 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

He will be miserable if those are his only reasons for marrying her.

Post # 8
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, I don’t think you should say anything to him. You’ve already told him how you feel and it’s his problem at this point. He needs to figure out his life before he marries into a relationship that doesnt work.

Post # 9
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@mnp:  I think there’s only so much you can do. Nothing you say will make him change his mind if he isn’t open to it.

I’d suggest that divorces are much more difficult than calling off a wedding.

To me this isn’t cold feet… it’s serious doubts.

Post # 10
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Birdee106:  I agree. It sounds like a trainwreck waiting to happen, but all you can do is say your piece, which you’ve done. If it’s a mistake, it’s his to make. Try to be supportive of his decision, whatever that may be, unless he flat-out asks you if it’s a bad idea to get married.

Post # 11
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

not much you can do for this guy

I wish him well

Post # 12
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@peachacid:  This is exactly what I thought when I read the title. I guess great minds think alike? Laughing

OP-The best you can do at this point, it seems, is support him in whatever he decides. As you have, I would have suggested postponing the wedding and/or canceling the engagement all together. How old is your BFF?

Post # 15
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I think if his reasons were wanting to be more financially stable before committing, wanting to own a house, or to be mentally ready for the responsibility of a family etc. it would be fine, but the reasons he has cold feet seem to be pretty big deals! Could you maybe suggest pre-marital counseling so they get these issues addressed, or at least discussed?

Post # 16
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mnp:  After 4.5 years, they’re probably hitting a slump that most would hit 2.5yrs into marriage. They should think about premarriage counseling… sometimes you just need a change in perspective to help pull you through a rut.

 

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