What age do you consider to be too young to have your first child and too old?

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 31
Member
995 posts
Busy bee

This is a really individual answer, you’ll get a ton of perspectives. Personally, I don’t understand why people have kids under the age of 25, it’s much too young. Being too old would be I guess 45? Or maybe when you simply no longer physically can. I’m not sure. 

Post # 32
Member
10034 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If everything is 100% ideal then age doesn’t matter. But that’s often why age matters, cause for most people it takes a while to get your shit together. Most people don’t have their shit together fresh out of highschool.

Post # 33
Member
1661 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m going to be completely honest and just give my opinion. Completely personal opinion. 

I think under 25 is a bit too young. 

I’d say over 40 is pushing it on the other end of it.

Post # 34
Member
6554 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I certainly cannot judge for others what is right or wrong. However, I agree with PP that most people are not financially prepared for children under the age of 25. For myself, I was busy living my life and having fun, and did not want children until I was 30. Darling Husband and I started trying when I was 29 and were surprised that it took us very little time at all, so I had my first at 29. 

I had children young for my family. In my family, we have never known great grandparents because almost everyone was over 30 before having children. I definitely wish the same for my children and grandchildren; my oldest is 17, and I don’t wish for grandchildren for at LEAST another decade or more.

Post # 35
Member
47211 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If financial and emotionally stability are not a concern, then I would say that if you have to ask anyone else’s opinion, you are not ready.

Post # 36
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee

I have a friend who got married at 18. Had a kid by 20. Is now 22 and just got into dental school! So not all young moms are housewives. And many young moms have lives and get an education. So it all depends on your goals and when you feel ready! I definitely want to start having kids by 27. I’d like to have at least two by 30 and then adopt after that. I don’t want a huge age gap between me and my kids. Odd I know but of all the friends I have grown up with, the ones who had a 30 years or less age gap with their moms we’re the closest and had the best relationship with them. And I think after 30 I won’t have as much energy either…

Post # 37
Member
3008 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

playingthewaitinggame : I’m also just going to give my opinion and say that I think under 24 is too young and over 44 is too old. Of course both older and younger people become parents all the time, are happy about it, and make it work. For me, 32 was the perfect age to have my first and 35 the perfect age to have my second.

Post # 38
Member
3008 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

dobby98 :  to be honest I find this extremely odd. I think when most people talk about an “age gap” in family planning, they’re talking about siblings, not parent and child. Do you really think it matters that much if you have a kid at 29 vs 31? 

Post # 39
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee

Ideal world have them earliest once you’re graduated high school and able to work full time to support yourself. The maximum would be whatever age you can get pregnant at and feel comfortable doing it, or using a surrogate or adopting. Provided your expected lifespan is going to exceed your child coming of legal age. If your going to adopt an infant at the age of 75, it’s unlikely you’ll reach 95 in well enough health to care for the child still. 

But that’s the ideal world, in the real world teenage pregnancy is very real, and hopefully when it happens the young people involved have a good support system. 

Post # 40
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I do not think there is an ideal age.  For me, it is about where I am in my life.  I got married at 21 and did not start trying to have a baby until I was 29.  Although I finished college at 20 and owned a house by that age, there were certain experiences and things I wanted:  I went to law school; I bought a second house; visited a bunch of countries, and wanted to have a certain amount of money.  So, for me, it was about when i had achieved those things.  Personally, I do not think I would try for a baby after age 35, but, again, I think this depends on where a person in in her life.  Like, if I had not met my husband until my early 30s and wanted a baby, I would probably give it a shot no matter how old I was.  

Post # 41
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

playingthewaitinggame :  Personally?  Having my first in my 40s would be too old.  Other than that, all I know is that I will be 29 when I am married and I won’t be ready.  I will likely have kids in my early 30s.  Only two and then the tubes are getting tied.  Ideally I’d like to TTC with my friends and family, but since I am the first in both of those groups to marry.. it’s an unlikely scenario. 

Post # 42
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee

MrsAKSkier :  obviously not that exact margin literally. But I have friend with older parents and their relationship was significantly different. Obviously I have only seen a handful of fmailies in this world so of course I’m sure there are families out there who had kids at 40ish and have a different relationship with heir kids. Their parents were not very active in their life or as involved- of course this doesn’t necessarily have to do with age only but many friends who had older parents say they think age was the cause. I think the sudden changes in generations in the past few decades has caused a huge lifestyle difference between children and parents nowadays and it’s even more stark among my friends whose parents had them around 40 years old. They just aren’t as close to their parents and feel like they can’t relate to them. Idk, these are just my observations and they have influenced what I want in my life. Everyone has had different cultural and societal influences so some views seem odd to others. 

Post # 43
Member
7844 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

dobby98 :  I think there is some validity to your point. I had my kids at 26, 34 and 40. You can bet I am a different mom to my youngest than I am to my oldest. And raising my oldest I feel like we can relate because we aren’t THAT far apart. I do worry a little that by the time my youngest is a teenager that I will be so far removed from my youth it will be harder to relate. Having had a child in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s id sayy 30’s is ideal.

Post # 44
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I had my kids at 23 & 26. I’m now in my early 40’s. I could not imagine having a baby now. I’m looking forward to all the fun my husband & I are planning on having in the next few years (and even now, with self-sufficient teens). I have so much less energy now than when I was in my 20’s – the thought of babies & toddlers now is just so unappealing. Lol. To each there own, though. 

Post # 45
Member
1731 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

playingthewaitinggame :  The ideal age to have your first child is when you’re ready and you can emotionally, mentally and financially support a child. The wrong age to have a child is when you’re not ready and you cannot support a child. There’s no magic number, imo.

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