(Closed) What age is appropriate to talk to your kids about SEX?

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: At what do you talk about sex with your kids?
    7-8 : (35 votes)
    37 %
    9-10 : (30 votes)
    32 %
    11-12 : (29 votes)
    31 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    295 posts
    Helper bee

    I think that it should be an on going conversation. At age 7 they aren’t ready to know everything about sex but they should know the basics of how babies are made and why boys and girls have different parts before one of their friends scares them with misinformation at school. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    3667 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I remember asking my mom what sex was when I was 8. She gave me a simple but honest explanation and it opened the door for us to talk more in depth when I was a teenager.

    Post # 5
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I think it would depend on the kid… how mature they are, what types of things they already ask, what they watch on tv or movies, what their friends are like, the area (urban booming-city school vs small-town country school). 10 might be too young… 12 might be too late o_O It allll depends. Lots of depending going on.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    That is a good question! I live in a farming community and my children can tell you the eustrus cycle of a cow. How a cow is artificially inseminated and how sperm is collected. They can tell you how to check for pregnancy and when to breed. At this  point  I feel dumb having the talk ya know? They know more of the technical aspects than I do!

    Post # 7
    Member
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    7-8!? Not in second or third grade, IMO, they grow up too fast these days as it is. I think fifth grade when they start “health ed” is early enough. That may also depend on location though, it may be different in some areas. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3941 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think that the period talk is a good segway into the sex talk, with girls at least.  So I would say 9-10.  “This is what’s going to happen, and this is WHY it happens” sort of thing.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @KateByDesign:  I would say when you have the period talk too… although I didn’t get my first period until I was in high school… yea. So it’d obviously be around the time that most girls are getting it… middle school age sounds good to me!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    For me, I want to be the first source of information, which sadly pushes the age earlier because I would think school yard talk starts around age 10-12. 

    I don’t think any age is *too* young to talk about body parts, how the body works as long as you frame it properly and use correct language for that age.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4929 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I didn’t even know what a period was until I was 10, so 11-12 for sex, unless they ask or there’s a reason to tell them sooner. Fifth grade is when the talk about puberty, which is 10-11, so it could be a good idea to talk to them about it right before that happens. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2105 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    5th Grade is when schools do the whole puberty lesson.  Too bad I hit puberty really early in the year before the talk and was terrified and confused as a result.  I think I was 9?  I had full on B-cup boobs in the 4th grade.  The sex talk should absolutely start at age 7.  I remember being brutally teased because none of my peers knew why a few other girls and myself were changing.

    I didn’t even know that I had a vagina until I got my first period.  How awkward and humiliating.  I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    4518 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think it depends what you mean by “talking about sex.” I hope that with my kids sex is just never this big mystery, and that we can talk about it on an ongoing basis, whenever it comes up, in an age-appropriate way. I remember that by agge 7 I already knew a lot about sex, but I had older siblings.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1348 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Depends on the kid. My sister started puberty at age 9, ideally i’d like to have the talk with my child before they get a fright about unexplained bleeding.

    Personally, i’d start off with the basics (girls and boys have different parts, what puberty is and what will happen) at about 8. Then have a proper sex talk before 12. I think it depends on the individual though. I know at 12 I would have been horrified by someone my age having sex, but I was a late bloomer. I think some early developers start having sex earlier. No matter which way I look at it though, i’d rather talk to them about it early than leave it too late. The idea is to make sure they’re informed but not to ‘desensitize’ them to it, for lack of a better word.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4656 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Serey:  Start as early as you can with information appropriate to their age (not appropriate as in shielding, but appropriate as in what’s easy for them to process and understand.) If you don’t start early, the playground will. You don’t want them misinformed, confused, or ashamed. 

    Starting early also opens the conversation about sex later. They may be uninterested at the time in hearing about it but it’ll mke it easier to talk about when they really need it to be. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    6341 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I didn’t vote, because I believe you should tell them about it when they ask. My mum was pregnant with my brother when I was 3, and I asked how the baby got in her tummy; she’d been expecting I might ask, and had bought an age-appropriate book about where babies come from, and we looked at it together. Obviously at 3 I didn’t fully understand, I just knew that a sperm met an egg and it made a baby in the woman’s tummy.

    I think avoiding discussing sex because you believe your child is ‘too young’ is a really bad idea, as it makes it into some kind of dirty secret. Now, that doesn’t mean you need to go into masses of detail; I believe sex ed should be able appropriate eg for younger children (3-6) maybe, I think the very basics are sufficient; you can the start maybe talking about emotions a bit later, etc. I also think it depends on the child.

    But IMO a child should know about the risks of sex (pregnancy and STDs) and how to prevent them (different methods of contraception) by their teens. I also think it’s important to try to be objective; I personally always hated being told that sex was something that ‘two people who love each other do’ as I found it stupid and patronising; I have never needed to love someone to have sex with them. I also think that by not talking about sex, or by making it sound like you don’t approve, you risk a) not preparing your child or b) alienating them so that they feel unable to talk to you.

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