Post # 1
So I’m feeling a little hurt like I’m not doing anything right. Fiance just told me he talked to his mom and she feels like she isn’t being included in enough wedding stuff and he asked me to include her more. I’d be more than happy, but I’m just not sure of what right now. We’ve already pretty much given full reigns over the ceremony (programs, church decorations, and whatnot) over to her. I made my own Save-The-Date Cards awhile ago and we have a friend who is doing the invitations for a good price. I went dress shopping with my mom and MoH back in December because, well, I wanted it to ust be my mom and MoH. I guess I could have asked Future Mother-In-Law, but still, it just seemed more special to have just my mom. Fiance and I worked on addressing the envelopes for the Save-The-Date Cards yesterday and today we went and registered and checked out tuxes. I’m just not sure of where I could have included her more. All the things left to do haven’t been really planned/started because we’ve got 7 months, so I don’t know how to include someone and ask for help on things that I haven’t really figured out yet. I hate this feeling that I’m doing something wrong by not asking for help, but at this point, things aren’t at the point where I feel like I need it yet (trust me I know I’ll get there!). And I hate hearing that someone feels left out – because I’m not trying to do that at all. She’s really an awesome Future Mother-In-Law, and I want to include her, but right now I’m not sure what to do. Oh, and mind you, my mom hasn’t really done much either other than come for dress shopping. Please hive, I need some help here…what am I doing wrong?
Post # 3
I’d say just call her and give her an update and then find out if she has any ideas as to what you should work on next. You haven’t done anything wrong, she just probably doesn’t realize what exactly you’ve been working on.
Post # 4
Oh, don’t feel bad. You haven’t done anything wrong at all. It sounds like you have very much so included her. I really don’t know how much more you could include her to be honest. FI’s mom couldn’t even tell you what month we’re getting married in :(.
By the way it sounds like you have gotten a lot farther then me in planning:)
Post # 5
I would also call her and/or take her out to lunch to talk to her. Try calling her and/or meeting with her a couple times a month just to update her. Also, when you go to your fitting, you could invite her along. Also, ask her what she would be willing to help with. Have her make a list, so you can refer to it, and then when the time comes, you can ask for her help.
Post # 6
I’d invite her to whichever vendor appointments you have coming up. I had a close family friend offer to address our invitations. Since it was a large wedding, I was uncomfortable with having her do so much work. Instead, I invited her to come to a dress fitting. She had a great time, and felt included without having to actually do anything too difficult.
Post # 7
I am not sure what else you can do. I have noticed a growing trend where Future Mother-In-Law wants to be just as involved as the MOB. If you WANT that level of involvement from Future Mother-In-Law then fine…but you shouldn’t be OBLIGATED to involve her to any extent. There are some things that you are going to want to do with JUST your mom or JUST your friends and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad about that.
It sounds like you have gone above and beyond to make her feel involved but she is not entitled to a blow by blow of your plans. Maybe your Fiance should gently remind her that she is the MOG not MOB and you will reach out to her if there is something else you would like her help with.
Post # 8
I have 7 more months too… and I feel like there is so much to do but I cant do it yet.
Assure her that once you get closer to the wedding there will be more to get done and as soon as you need help that she is #1 on your list. This will at least give you some time to make a “project” for her.
Post # 9
Thanks ladies. The hive is always so great at making me feel better about things. My original intention was to invite Future Mother-In-Law to my first fitting for my gown. I just wanted my mom to be the only mother there for when I found it.
I talked with Fiance and apparently he hasn’t done too great of a job expressing to his mother that I’m totally fine with her taking care of the church and ceremony details. I’ll just have to re-assure her that I’m totally on board with her taking that part of wedding stuff on and that once I do need help I’ll be sure to be asking her.
Post # 10
your not doing anything wrong! keep in mind that this is YOUR day not hers. you have shared some of the responsibilities with her, which is fair. sit down and figure out what you want to do with the rest of the planning, if it is something that she can help with ONCE YOUR PLANS ARE FINALIZED, then maybe there is something that she can do. your wedding day is not about pleasing other people, you can ask for any suggestions from her before you make the decisions but final decisions should be made by you.
She cares and wants to be invovled i’m sure, but sometimes you can’t please everyone in the end.
Its a delicate situation good luck!