- 7 years ago
Apology in advance in this is a little bit of a rant.
My mom and I are really close, and we’ve always told each other everything and had a really great relationship. However, this wedding business is really putting a strain on my nerves. She offered to do my flowers, and I figured, hey! that is a great idea. She does lovely flowers and it will save me a ton of money, think $1500. So I agreed and got really excited. That was until the whole planning thing got started. I know every mom has an idea of what their little girl’s wedding should look like, but my mom got WAY carried away with her ideas and totally quashed mine!
Anyway, after I lay down the law about what I do want and what I don’t want she was saying things like “I don’t think I should do them, you hate everything I suggest, I don’t want you to hate your wedding day”. I wanted to shake her and say, why yes you are right, I DON’T like a lot of what you suggested, but that is because it is NOTHING like what I told you I wanted. So if you just stick to the plan it should be golden. Plus, I gave her $800 to pull it off, but she is like a flower/gardening guru that cannot be trusted to stick to it.
So this comes into the second part. She makes comments like “you forget how much I do for you/spend on you/contributed to this wedding” in a you should be forever thanking me and you couldn’t do anything without me. So I finally told her that I could manage and she didn’t need to contribute more and that yes, I am very grateful, but if you are going to make me feel guilty for it then I would rather forego the help and do it alone and let you just enjoy the ride! Then she says “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, just keep in mind what we do for you”. I feel like it is the same as saying “I don’t mean to be rude” and then saying something completely rude!
What should I do? Part of the problem is that it is both her and my dad that contributed to the wedding funds, so I don’t want to pay them back just because my mom and I have a few tiffs. But sometimes I want to just say, thanks but no thanks!