(Closed) What am I thinking?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think a lot of times it’s just a “what if” kind of thing—but, not to scare you, occasionally, it is intuition. Back in high school, I trusted my FI (bf at the time) and decided to just check out his phone and he had some texts in there that were so inappropriate. So–you can just ignore it and choose to trust or you can talk to your Fi about it?

Post # 4
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Bryant2be:  GREAT LAST NAME!!! I don’t have a chance to read his facebook and phone behind his back. He’s usually reading it with me there and pointing and reading stuff out loud. No issues here.

Post # 5
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Bryant2be:  Talk to him because if you don’t and he finds out you’ve been snooping it could hurt him. I prefer being up front about everything…it’s kept us on good terms for 4 years and I hope it works for you. I’ve ignored my intuition before (with an ex) then very spontaniously picked up the phone checked his texts and found out he had another girl…PREGNANT. I’m not telling you this to scare you, because all situations are NOT the same, I just want you to talk to him to calm your nerves. There’s nothing wrong with a little reassurance and who knows maybe you’re just a little nervous about the wedding and just want to know for a fact that there’s no reason for concern.

Post # 6
Member
10368 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Technically, you don’t “trust him completely”, because if you did, you wouldn’t have the urge to do this.

Cross that line at your own risk!

Post # 8
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Bryant2be:   How would you feel if he did the same to you?  Would it upset you?

Post # 9
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I get it completely– I trust my FI absolutely and completely– always have and always will. The one and only time he has ever hidden anything from me was when he was ring shopping and conspiring with my family to propose to me. 

That being said– I am a naturally nosey person; always have been.  And I’ve been the “other woman” in the past (long story, but I didn’t know I was the other woman at the time and ended it as soon as I found out!!!)As a result, even though FI has never given me any reason to snoop, every now and then I find myself doing it.  It doesn’t happen often, but if he leaves his e-mail open on the computer, or his phone rings while he’s in the shower or something– I try to resist it, as you mentioned, because I wouldn’t want him snooping through my stuff even though there’s nothing to hide, but sometime sI can’t help it. 

Don’t really have any advice for you or anything– but at least you’re not alone. 

 

ETA: My FI also knows that I do it– he just laughs at me and tells me there’s nothing to find except for his “dirty” exachanges with his coworkers (all of whom are male and I know very well Smile)

Post # 10
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

The only time I EVER got the urge to snoop was after I dumped my last ex… found out some VERY bad things by snooping, so I was glad that I did. I’ve never ever felt the urge to snoop on anyone else though.

Post # 12
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

@Bryant2be:  I even have to ask him all the time who he’s texting (it’s always a friend or coworker) I don’t even know why I ask, I don’t even care that much about the answer– but whenever he’s off typing away, I’ll always glance over and say “Who ya yappin to?” or something just because I don’t want to not know.  I’m a micromanager, and I’m nosey– I just want to know everything about everyone, it’s not about trust. 🙂

I think part of it is that I know I wont find anything, so I just want to look because I always want to know everything, and he’s the only one I am intimate enough with to just look on my own instead of always politely asking. 

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