(Closed) What are bridesmaid responsibilities? (A long one sorry)

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is a polite way to say no: “Sorry, there’s no Maid/Matron of Honor, you’re all equals”.

Responsibilties aren’t very much: just be a support really, hopefully plan a hens’ night, and be supportive on the day. I did a poll once and it was about 50/50 on whether BMs buy their own dresses here in Australia, but the final choice of colour and style should be yours. We don’t usually do bridal showers in my experience, but many American traditions have a way of catching on. But anyway, you can’t expect a bridal shower will happen for certain.

Some girls are more into weddings and planning than others. It sounds like your 3rd Bridesmaid or Best Man is like that. I wouldn’t worry too much that the others aren’t. It is a concern, though, that one has stopped speaking to you. All I can say is phone her up…

Post # 4
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

This should help!

All of these are pretty typical.


As for myself, my Maid/Matron of Honor is my brothers fiance, whom I’ve known for a long time, and we generally get along well. And my fi’s sister, who I haven’t know for a long time, but we also get along well.

I do not keep many female friends, as.. well. All of them have turned into trouble, frankly it’s easier dealing without the drama! [I’ve had many best girlriends.. one who slept with one of my ex bfs while I was dating him. Another who later became a complete whore… i mean sleeping with 6/7 guys at a party! Another got addicted to meth]. It seems there’s no normal girls around here.

Anyway, since I’m not terribly close to any of these girls, I don’t expect much from any of them. They will need to show up, wear the dress, walk down the aisle, and take pictures. I can handle everything else on my own.

I know my situation doesn’t help you, and I hope you figure something out!

Post # 5
6341 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

For me, I expect them to take SOME interest in the wedding (ie to ask occasionally how it’s going; TBF they’re all more excited than I am I think!), to pick a dress (we’re giving them $150-225 each towards an outfit, and they’re getting almost total free-reign on what they chose; no colour stipulations, and no real style stipulations (just has to be fairly formal, which they’ll go for anyway)), and to be present on the day.

I don’t expect them to help with planning or preparations, or to take a really active interest, and I’m laid-back about what they wear/how they have their hair and make-up etc.

I agree that different people are different, and some people get much more excited about weddings than others. I’d speak to numbers 1 and 2 though; it’s your day so you get a say in what they wear and how they have theit hair, and I would gently and tactfully make that point, and I’d speak to number 2, not about the wedding, but just to check she’s OK and that’s nothing’s wrong.

Post # 7
39 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

Hi MrsMagilltobe 


Sorry I’m late to this post! But I’m totally in the same boat you are! I’m 25 but I’m kind of feeling the same way about my BM’s. We aren’t doing a Maid/Matron of Honor or a Bridesmaid or Best Man either. We just feel its kind of weird to draw a line between them and also I don’t want to just put that kind of responsibility on someone but now I’m feeling like maybe that would have been best. My girls sound excited and they ask about the wedding but no one really seems to be offering up help besides one of them. No one offered to plan a shower,  the bachelorette party, ect. I’ve only been a Maid/Matron of Honor once and it was unfortunately for a bridezilla.. We stopped talking after the wedding it was awful and this had a lot to do with my fiance and I deciding not to have MOHS and a Bridesmaid or Best Man. But when I was a bridesmaid I did the shower, the weekend bachelorette party, helped with invitations, communicated with all the girls and was basically at the brides beck and call 24.7. I kind of feel like I’m tip toeing on everyones toes, I don’t know I guess everyone is different though. I wish you the best! 

Post # 9
1112 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should politely let them know their duties.

I’m having trouble with my maids because they’re all my little sisters – ages 17 to 12. They are clueless and I’m finding that I’m a little hurt. They have been selfish and unattentive for the most part – not helping out at showers, etc. But you should talk to your ladies now…because if you wait a long time (like I have) to let them know they’ve shirked responsibilities, they will feel guilty/mad/upset/confused/belittled.

Good luck! :/

Post # 10
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsMagillToBe:  You’re not being unreasonable. Expectation seems a bit of a harsh word, but yes, I think the bridesmaids should be interested in the wedding. First of all, they were chosen because they are supposedly good friends. Good friends, bridesmaids or not, should be interested in each others lives. I think that’s an expectation in itself. If my good friend was, say going on a trip around the world, I would be interested and want to hear about the trip and see pictures after. I think the same applies to bridesmaids, they’re friends, so they should be interested in this big life event. 

The problem is, it’s not always like that. And I wonder if it’s because they are given that title, they think “Oh, now I’m suppose to be over the top interested, and helpful, etc. I don’t want to be so I’m just not going to talk to the bride”. Who knows. But it is weird, because like your Bridesmaid or Best Man who you haven’t spoken to, I have the exact same problem. It’s not like I haven’t tried to see her/talk to her either. I’ve even sent non-wedding related messages. Nothing works. 


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