(Closed) What are bridesmaids expected to do?!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1388 posts
Bumble bee

From the sounds of it, she is way out of line. Bridesmaids are there to support you and share your special day. Not be at your beck and call to do a long list of jobs.

It sucks that this has become the end of a friendship, but be glad that you are done with her! You deserve a much better friend.

Post # 3
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I personally don’t think bridesmaids are obligated to anything. Yes it’s nice for them to help with certain things, but their main task is just to be there standing at the alter with you. Some brides tend to go overboard with thinking their bridesmaids owe them certain things or that they own them up until their wedding day and are supposed to Be at their call whenever they want. You can honestly only do so much to help her when you yourselves have jobs, school, kids, whatever it may be. You have lives too and shouldn’t have to put it on hold for her. That’s absolutely absurd and selfish of her!

Post # 4
3383 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
FutureMrsCRD:  What was her response when you asked her what she expected of you? It sounds like she did you a favor by booting you. She seems way too demanding. 

Post # 5
30399 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
FutureMrsCRD:  As unfortunate as it is, given that a friendship has been lost, you likely dodged a bullet. Her expectations sound totally unrealistic.

I think most BM’s are happy to help the bride with whatever needs doing, or given an opinion and support where the bride needs it. Beyond showing up in the dress, there really is no “must do” list of tasks for the BM’s. Some host a shower, some plan a bachelorette, but neither are necessary.

You really need to try to attend the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, but even those can be skipped by BM’s who need to travel and/or can’t get time off work.

Post # 6
133 posts
Blushing bee

Wow.. I was a bridesmaid to my sister in law and all she expected of me was to buy a dress that I picked out in a certain color, go to her bachelorette party, and show up for the wedding.

This chick sounds like the epitome of bridezilla.

Post # 8
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

She’s going to be a lonely bride, having fired two good friends. Bullet dodged. 

Post # 9
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

She sounds like a brat.

It’s too bad to say, but you’re better off I think.

I expect my bridesmaids to show up on the day of my wedding on time, wear the bridesmaid dress that they purchased, the shoe style I requested (black, closed toe, any heel height, style etc) and stand next to me as I marry my Fiance.

I hope that they will throw me a bachelorette, offer to help with last minute DIYs, hold my train when I have to pee, and do their best to keep me sane when I get frazzled.

Post # 10
3662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Wow. It always sucks when a friendship ends, especially under these circumstances, but it sounds like you got out just in time. She was only going to get worse as her wedding day got closer. 

Post # 11
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Why do some brides go psycho? This is crazy. You are not obligated to do anything but show up for the wedding. Sorry this happened. Doesn’t sound like a friend worth having

Post # 12
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
FutureMrsCRD:  Around where I live, bridesmaids are ‘expected’ to plan the bachelorette, and wedding shower. Also (mostly) pay for their dress, hair and makeup (optional). Support the bride… but not necessarily do anything. Show up to the rehearsal, and of course wedding. Also, bridal party plans jack and jill if couple are having one.

My bridal party helped me set up and tear down, and some of my maids came over one night for a craft night, that was all the planning help I had.

Your situation sounds really shitty, I would be relieved to be ‘let go’ from your position as well. Pay for her cake?!?!? That’s nuts.

Post # 13
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My bridesmaids kept asking me if there was anything I needed them to do.  I feel like they expected me to ask for more.  My mom threw me a surprise shower with family and friends at my 94 yo grandmother’s.  A work friend threw me a shower locally with thr women and wives from work.  My bridesmaids and couple friends threw me an awesome bachelorette party, but I did not tell them they had to.  My Maid/Matron of Honor was from far away and pregnant so I did not expect her to attend or plan anything, I just wanted her by my side on the day and she was wonderful there.  My girls bought there dresses and I paid for their hair.  I did not need help with favors, centerpieces or anything like that as my husband is awesome and we did them together.  To me, bridesmaids were there to support me on my wedding day and prevent outside forces from affecting my happiness.  My girls were amazing!

Post # 14
8015 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sounds as if she saved you some grief.

Bridesmaids have to stand up for the bride and groom in attire generally selected by the bride. That’s what they HAVE to do. They should also plan to attend a rehearsal the day before the wedding. I read a post recently where a bride was angry a Bridesmaid or Best Man was going to be on vacation and miss a rehearsal planned several days before the wedding. Brides–you don’t get a week…

Bridesmaids often accompany the bride to select the bridal gown and bridesmaids’ dresses, and often host showers and bachelorette parties. 

Today it seems some brides also expect BMs to tour venues, tastings, participate in numerous DIY projects, wear specific nail polish colors, hair styles, even hair colors. It’s fine if the BMs offer to participate in some of these things but it often seems to get out of hand and bridesmaids become brides’ servants.

Post # 15
523 posts
Busy bee

That sucks, her behaviour was totally out of line. Maybe she’ll come to her senses and apologize? I agree though, sounds like she did you a favour. 

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