(Closed) What are his reasons for not popping the question?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like he’s just not ready. To me it sounds like he won’t be ready for a long time if he has “moved out” but spends most of his time at home.

How do you feel about your living situation? 

Post # 5
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @mindysoo:  Welcome to “the Hive”

In all honesty, your guy is not wanting to get married… either not yet… or not to you.


A man that wants to be married, doesn’t drag his feet and make excuses.

A man that wants to get married moves heaven & earth to make it happen.

You need to get yourself a copy of Greg Behrendt’s “He’s Just Not That Into You” and check out the following chapters to see if YOUR GUY fits the descriptions therein:

  • He’s Just Not That Into You If He Doesn’t Want To Marry You
  • He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Married (And Other Insane Variations Of Being Unavailable)

He could be not ready, and will be eventually.  Or it could be a case of he doesn’t want to marry you…

And in either case, is what is called “comfy”… he’s getting to be with you as a couple, and live at home as a single man.

Sadly, I think you’ve made it too easy for him.  Clearly, you and he are not on the same page… you want him to show his hand (sh!t or get off the pot)

So you will have to up the game… raise your standards.

I suggest you take a look at the following books that have info on how that works…

Dr Phil’s – “Love Smart ~ Find The One You Want – Fix the one you got”

As well as Steve Harvey’s – “Act Like A Woman – Think Like a Man”


“Straight Talk, No Chaser”

All of these Books will show you ways to determine if he’s just not ready to marry… or if it is a case he’s comfy with the way things are now with you… and just wants to keep you on the back burner simmering along until something better / someone else comes into his life.


You want your man to want you 100%

At 31, he should most definitely KNOW what he wants… he’s not a teenager.

Read the books and figure it out… you DESERVE MORE… you don’t have to waste your time on something that isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

(( HUGS ))


Post # 6
1270 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

It sounds like a lame excuse to me.

My (now) husband took longer than I would have preferred to propose, mainly because he had been married once before, and wanted to me sure he wasn’t setting himself up for the same heartbreak. It was hard for him, but eventually he came around.

If men are giving lame excuses it is because they aren’t ready, or don’t want to get married.

Communicate with him, and find out which one it is.

Post # 7
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

so he is 31 and lives mostly at his parents out of choice because he wants to? he seems very dependent on them which is unique for a man of his age. any chance his parents dont think you guys are ready to get married and they feed into him?

Post # 8
441 posts
Helper bee

@Ashley8200blue:  +1. Yeah everyone is different but a 31 year old male living 4 nights a week with his parents is beyond odd. Especially when he has an apartment and a bed with a loving woman waiting for him. I don’t mean to be negative, I’m sorry, but were I in your shoes I would run, not walk, away. You might like his parents now, but his apron strings aren’t cut and will (already are) keep damaging your relationship. He is being upfront in both his words and actions that his love and loyalty are primarily with them and not you. At his age it could take years of therapy to separate from his parents. Do you want your husband and your children’s father spending 2 nights a week with his parents and then resenting you that he can’t stay there more?

Post # 9
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It is great that you both have a loving relationship with his parents, but….your SO is living in Never Never Land and doesn’t want to grow up. If you guys get engaged, then you’ll presumably get married, and he’d be expected to cut the cord. He’s telling you he doesn’t want to move forward yet.

You’ve caught him, but he is resistant to being “made into a man”….wait, change him, move on, not sure what is best for you but I hope it all works out for the best in the end.

Post # 10
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Still living with his parents by choice at 31 would be a problem for me.  I have a friend who is also 31.  He works a great job and could easily afford to live on his own but why would he when he has mom to cook and clean for him?  I think he would like to settle down and get married but he expects the woman to completely take care of him like his mother.

At 31 you would hope your guy would be biting at the chomp to get out of mommy’s house and be a real adult living on his own or with his fiancee/wife.  I have to agree with other PPs that he isn’t worth waiting around for and you should at the very least take a break and see other people because I think you will be surprised by what you find.

Post # 11
560 posts
Busy bee

@mindysoo:  how long have you been together?

I legitimately live with my 33 year old boyfriend and he is not ready to get married. He was married before and we dated through his divorce process. His ex turned very ugly throughout the ordeal and it was a very rough time that has cost him A LOT of money.

In our discussions he has explained that after all he has gone through he realizes that a piece of paper cannot make a person committed to another for life. He has also told me numerous times how in love with me he is and how he sees himself growing old with me, but he is also scared that I will change my mind because he walked that path before. 

I feel like his reasoning is very valid and I believe him when he says he will be ready in a year or so. We have agreed to start our family before getting married and I am fine with that. I know that our love and commitment to each other is equal to, if not greater than many married couples. We have discussed doing a domestic partnership until then because it is $50 and can save us money on insurance.

I think that your situation is different though, and it concerns me that he is spending so much time sleeping at his parents house-unless he is not officially moved in. Is it your apartment that he has moved some things into or is it actually your combined apartment? My SO and I were playing the game of me “living” with him for about 5 months before I officially gave up my apartment and we moved in together…it sounds like you are in that limbo stage.

Post # 13
2946 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I say this from being in a relationship where my ex was very attached to his parents.  Walk, don’t run.  Men who are ready for commitment and a family don’t spend 4 nights a week at thier parents home.  He is either a man child and wants his parents to take care of him, or he is the type of man that let’s his parents walk all over him.  Which ever the situation, this won’t change with marriage. 

Post # 14
498 posts
Helper bee

@mindysoo:  Is he living with the parents to help them out in some kind of way like paying their bills etc? Or is he just not ready to be on his own?

Post # 15
4946 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mindysoo:   He sounds as if he might be emotionally immature, perhaps?  I would suggest concentrating less on getting his to propose and more on seeing if he can make any steps towards emotionally attaching to you.   Somehow I can’t see being married to a guy who behaves the way he does – 

Years ago I dated a guy who insisted on having breakfast with his mother, every day of the year.  He’d sleep over at my house, then drive off in the morning to have breakfast with his mom.  That got old in a hurry.  Your SO sounds as if he might be a bit the same way.  In my case it broke us apart as he wouldnt even have breakfast with me once, for any reason.  Really bad.  

The topic ‘What are his reasons for not popping the question?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors