Post # 1
Ok, so I’m a little confused. Honestly. This isn’t trying to be mean, I’m just honestly clueless 🙂
There are a lot of posts talking about how Bridesmaids don’t seem excited for the wedding, asking when they will be excited, complaining about them not being supportive, etc.
Some of these I totally get – people openly saying rude things, ditching appointments, etc.
So here’s my question- what are people expecting of their bridesmaids? What are you expecting htem to do/be excited about?
I am an “older bride” as some on here call it – I’ll be 38 in a few weeks. Most of my friends are married, some are already divorced. I’m doing the planning. I run ideas past my BM’s to get second opinions and they are happy to help. We are going dress shopping after the holidays (some have even started looking at dress options they like). They have said they will have a bachlorette (no planning y et as it won’t be for many, many months). This is more than I expected.
Post # 3
I expect them to order the dress (by this Saturday!) and show up on my wedding day prepared to have an awesome fun day!
Post # 4
I expected them to be the same friends they’d always been. If one would have been the type who texts/calls all the time, gets excited about planning events, and hangs out with me all the time, but then suddenly I get radio silence around my wedding, my feelings would probably be hurt. If one is the fly by the seat of her pants type, who’s generally there the moment of important events, but I doesn’t talk about it all the time, I just expect her to buy the dress & show up. I didn’t expect normally uncrafty girls to suddenly gush over all my DIYs or anything, KWIM? If I needed help with something, I’d hope they’d lend a hand, because we’re friends, and that’s what friends do, but I didn’t expect them to be on call 24/7 for 12 months just because I was getting married. In sum: I just expected them to show their support in their own way, whether that was helping me with a bunch of crafts, throwing me an awesome shower, or just being there for me on the day of.
Post # 5
@Glasgowbound: I expected them to act the way you would expect friends to act, and, while they don’t need to be constantly doing backflips, at least be cheerful about wedding related things. I have random people that I am not even close with that occasionally asked throughout my engagement how things were going, and nothing from any BMs. If anything, the stuff that I’ve asked of them- which doesn’t even mean bridesmaid-y things, I’m talking “want to hang out and watch the game?” type things- has been an annoyance. Maybe I just have bad friends, haha.
Post # 7
@Glasgowbound: I’d like my BMs to plan a low key bachelorette party – dinner and drinks, not a weekend long blowout – and hopefully host a bridal shower, too. (They are great party planners!) I also want them to wear the dress I pick out and show up on time and looking like their beautiful selves on the wedding day. They came to my dress shopping appointment too, but I didn’t insist – they came because they wanted to. And that’s about it! I’m doing all my DIY projects solo since none of them really enjoy crafting, they are all doing their own hair and makeup and they ask about plans every now and then and will indulge me in a few minutes of bridal frippery. Good enough for me!
Post # 8
I know where you’re coming from. When someone is so excited about their one-super-special-day they feel that everyone else should be feeling the same. Obviously, that won’t be the case. I’m honestly excited about the wedding but not about the huge industry that goes on about it. I will have 2-3 bridesmaids and my Maid/Matron of Honor already knows who she is and she is excited to go look at dresses with me, plan parties and this and that….tbh that is more than I excpected.
I guess it’s all relative. I did not grow up DREAMING about a wedding like some girls. I grew up dreaming to have a happy, healthy life. It’s about the marriage, not the wedding.
Post # 9
I’m not expecting much either and I’m kind of confused why people are always complaining and firing their bridesmaids. My 18-year-old sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and she won’t be doing much at all. My mom and I will plan my bridal shower and bachelorette party. 3 of my 5 bridesmaids are out of state, so all I expect of them is to buy the dress (<$200), get it altered, and show up to the wedding and if possible the bachelorette/bridal shower (on the same day) but I will understand if they can’t travel across the country for that. I’ve asked for their opinions on dresses and save-the-dates via facebook, but that’s very casual. I’m not asking for their help in planning or paying for anything except for their dresses and flights/hotels. I guess everyone’s different and I’m lucky to have my mom and a wedding planner help me with a lot of things, if I didn’t have that then I might rely on them a bit more for planning advice, though most vendors will help with a lot of that anyway.
Post # 10
@RunnerBride13: I don’t think that you are expecting much at all, but I think that a lot of people (not all, but many) that compain about their BM’s are in the same boat as you, but they aren’t even getting THAT. I know in my case I have felt like I just wanted FRIENDS and they kind of let those relationships go when I wanted them around the most. When you expect so little compared to some other brides, and you can’t even get someone to try their dress on, or buy the dress, or even just reply to something non-wedding related… that sucks.
Post # 11
I didn’t expect anything because my girls are on the other side of the country. I had told my Maid/Matron of Honor no parties (had a horrible experience with bachelorette parties), but she suprised me with a string of gastropub outings (just us girls) a couple of weeks ago when I went to visit.
I’m very “laissez faire” with them when it comes to attire/appearance for the day, so no need for dress shopping, and I’m making their jewelry. Like fillowpixer I don’t have any preconceived ideas about what my wedding “should be,” so it makes it easier. My girls are staying with me, flying out early, then leaving a few days after. We’re not doing mandatory toasts either.
Post # 12
I expected them to buy their dresses, throw a bachelorette party, and be excited and fully present the weekend of the wedding.
Post # 13
@Glasgowbound: I expect my girls to order the dress I pick out, have any needed alterations done, work together to organise the bridal shower and bachelorette party, help us with our social, spend the night before at my place(they already all agreed to it), show up and wear the dresses with their hair up and not looking like slobs.
I don’t care if they put their hair in a pony tail, get a formal updo, or just pin it back. I don’t care about their nails, their makeup choices, and outside of colour i don’t care about their shoes.
I don’t expect them to give up the time 24/7 making DIY projects for me, they will all likely offer to help with some things, but if they don’t help I won’t be upset. Besides I think Fiance would much prefer he do most of it to his liking.
I don’t expect them to go all out and spend a fortune on my bridal shower or bachelorette party. some light snacks and a good game for the shower will be just fine. Bahcelorette party, as long as it’s something I enjoy doing then i’m happy.
Post # 14
I expect them to order their dress/shoes in a timely fashion (already done!), and to pay for their nail services (I’m buying their earrings – a pair of their choice – paying for their hair and makeup services, and getting them each a personal gift that isn’t wedding related). Other than that – show up and have fun!
I love when they have ideas and share them with me, and my Maid/Matron of Honor especially loves crafts and all things wedding so she’s been really involved, but I don’t expect any of that from them.
Post # 15
@Mimoza: I think that’s just it – I’m having 3 BM’s, all of which have been dear to me for 10+ years. There was never a question that they would be in the wedding. I’m not DIYing anything (wedding is 7 hours away by plane) so there isn’t anything for htem to help make. They went dress shopping for my dress because everyone likes to shop for wedding dresses 🙂 They are still “mad” at me for paying for dinner afterwards
Post # 16
I expect them to get a dress and show up. Be there at the rehearsal and maybe discuss a few wedding ideas although I have it pretty much planned already. Anything else is bonus. My sister texted me a few days ago saying she has been checking out Pinterest lately and has shower ideas. Awesome!