Post # 32
So, I guess I’m a glass half empty/full on this.
I will be almost 35 when I get married this May for the first time. Yes, it’s wonderful I know myself better than in my 20s. However, I wish our finances were in a better state – my FH was laid off last summer & only recently found another job, at less pay. Meanwhile, he’s going back to school so that he can finish his degree and hopefully we’ll have a better future. (Because honestly, I’m sick & tired of taking the brunt of paying the bills, while trying to get my money situation straightened out.)
But, what sucks about getting married at 35? When it comes to having kids, (yes, I’m really traditional in that sense) it starts becoming a crap shoot. I love what one of my older friends told me about that. She said, “I spent the better half of my late teens & twenties NOT trying to get pregnant. Now I’m in my mid-30’s, I have the money & stability in my life & I WANT to get pregnant but I can’t.” (She now has 2 beautiful little girls.)
Post # 33
We are old enough to have had a long enough relationship to really be sure we were headed in the right direction. I don’t fault anyone for getting married at 3 years, and we knew it was for forever at 1 year, but 11 years later….there is absolutely no chance of that changing for us.
We can afford any kind of wedding we want. If we wanted a big lavish affair, we could. Even better, we want to elope and do it our way with no drama from our families.
Financiall secure. We do not feel the need to ‘put up’ with family crap because they are paying for it. There is no wanting of things we can’t afford, etc.
We actually know exactly what kind of wedding we want. And we are doing it our way, so there is no effort to impress our friends and family.
Plus, there is nothing ELSE like school, student loans, living with roomates or family to influence our lives. This was a big one for us. I do not understand the need for girls to marry so young, and it always seems so ridiculous.
Post # 34
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Ditto to everything OP said. Although I am unemployed right now, we still have the finances to make it OUR day, vs. relying on parents. Also, we control the guest list- mostly our friends, vs. his mom’s cousins whom he’s never met.
I’m having two Matrons of Honor, which has been SO easy- their dresses were a snap, the day of will be less stress, etc. I’m also getting married in my adopted hometown, vs. where I grew up (although we did consider it briefly) I’m wearing Mom’s garter, but no one will see it during the reception.
And I’ve been to enough weddings that I know what’s really important (the groom and my Dad showing up), and what’s not (chair covers.) We’ll be able to get everything done in 6 months because I’m not stressing over the small stuff.
Post # 35
It is so strange how people have so common feelings and views of life, eventhough they live in different countries.
I live in Bulgaria, EU and came across the website in search of oyster dress:)
I am also getting married at 30.
And I am really glad that I have allowed myself enough independent life and most important have lived long enough with my Fiance to know that I can spend my life with him.
And even glader that I can say NO to my mum and she to respect my wishes and taste for the things.
We are also doing a normal wedding of some 90-95 guests, 90% of them friends of ours and not some distant relatives or people you should invite just because you work with them, or what people may say..True, though, that if I was to be married 3-4 years ago, the list would have been even shorter, as a lot of friends are already married now.
We are definately more stable financially at the moment and even that parÐµnts still contribute, this is more like a wedding present and they have not commented on anything about the wedding issues so far.
We ended up with two apartments(living since 2yrs in the one), as I and he have bought one just before we’ve met, so we don’t need to worry where and how we are to settle down…
Post # 36
I will be 29 when I get married, but I will play too 🙂
The ability to pay for all wedding costs ourselves is a BIG thing.
Being more self assured so I am not posting numerous polls about my dress down to the napkins. I know what is best for me and don’t need my hand held.
Being 100% ready to be married. I have been engaged numerous times and never made it down the aisle because I just wasn’t ready. With age came the understanding it is not only about the right man but about me. I had to be fufilled and happy within myself before I could commit and that is some hard won knowledge.
Post # 37
I’ll be 31 when I marry this year, definite benefits are a smaller bridal party, I just have my Maid/Matron of Honor and a FlowerGirl, although my H2B has 3 Best Men and an Usher…. can be more independent with what we want, as in less parental input (that’s the case for us anyway), also the ability to handle my booze a little better than I did when I was 21 LOL
Negatives – people expect us to start trying for kids straight away… when we want to be married for a few years first at least
Post # 38
I’ll be 33 when I am married. I think the best thing about getting married at this age is that I am ready to settle down, Ihave a good job, a nice home and I am ready to start thinking about having children.
I have done all my partying (well most of it!) and I love spending time with my man, I love my friends dearly but they are not the focus of my time any more.
Post # 39
I will be 29 when I get married so I think I’m close enough…
HAVING FREEDOM TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANTED FOR MOST OF MY 20’s! To me, that’s been the biggest thing. I really couldn’t imagine getting married at 20, or even 25/26!
Post # 40
I’ll be 32 by the time my wedding rolls around. I think for me the best part is not caring so much what other people think. In my 20s I probably would have worried about impressing people, not doing anything tacky, having everything be “perfect”, making everyone happy etc. Now I realize that trying to attain all of that is a recipe for poor mental health. I want to enjoy the day as much as possible (I hope that is doable!!!), keep it in perspective what the day is really about, and not go bankrupt trying to live up to someone’s unrealistic expectations. My fiance and I now have a motto for unsolicited advice “everyone’s got an opinon but no one’s got any money”. We are paying for it, so we have the say.
Post # 41
I am 32. I was married at 21.I think of how much I have grown since my twenties.I too was a total people pleaser and naive.I married my ex husband because I loved him and we had so much fun together.I know now that it takes more than love and fun to maintain a marriage.Thank god for the wisdom that comes with experience.
Post # 42
- Wedding: September 2014 - Garden outside our church
I was engaged at 25 and am in the “getting married, but do-we-really-have-to-do-that” stage now. When I was 25, my parents thought it was their show–had to be at their church I had decisively left, invite their friends who I don’t even know, extended family I haven’t seen in years, their choice in menu (b/c I’m vegetarian), etc.–not to mention I was with the wrong guy, but had to have him break my heart to prove it! Now FH and I are planning on going on a hike with our priest-friend and two of our friends (have to have witnesses) to a place that’s special to us (planning on inviting my parents the week before) with a vegetarian picnic and cake made by us, and then having a family gathering (my mom is one of 18 and I have 4 siblings, all with 3 children) that in no way resembles a wedding reception, but is to be a celebration of our marriage. I would never have thought of doing that the first time around, but now I’m more excited about having a blessing of our life together than an elaborate party and being on display for my parents’ friends and having my friends dress the same. Even though I’m at the career stage now that I “should” have been at 25 (about to finish medical school), I do feel I have a better grasp on who I am (and therefore who I want in a partner) and what marriage means to me than I did 9 years ago.
Funnily enough, when I was engaged I was living in DC, and everyone thought I was “so young!” (which, in hindsight, I totally agree with!) Now, I’ve moved back to the South and have been referred to as a “cougar” because a classmate had a thing for me. Most of my classmates are married, and I keep wondering how in the world they thought they were ready…it’ll be interesting to see how many have the same spouses in 20 years!
Post # 43
I’ll be 30 when I get married, I am glad I am old enough to have the confidence to be like ‘No. This is MY wedding, I am doing it MY way’.
Post # 44
I am doing things pretty much the same as how I wanted them to be when I was in my 20’s (and with the same guy too). I dont see anything wrong with getting married in your 20’s (different strokes for different folks).
What I do like about getting mrride now: I like all the DIy i never thought of when I was in my 20’s
All the new things that I decided to incorporate in my wedding that I never thought if before: card box, table signs, etc.
All the new people I have met that I get to invite (I always wanted a big wedding so that has not changed).
I still have a pretty big Bridal Party (of 6 girls) but I wanted a bigger party when I was younger, which would have been a headache.
I LOVE that my kids get to be a big oart of my day (if I had gotten married at 20, my daughter and younger son would not be there to witness it).
I know more about what I want and some of my tastes have changed for the better.
Finances could be better (with 3 kids, a house, bills and private school not much left for a wedding), but at least we’re pying for it ourselve at the moment so I have 100 % final say on everything. Yes, no one can tell me what to do.
Also if i had gotten married in my 20’s I would have had people at my wedding that i don’t talk to or see on a regular basis anymore.
Post # 45
Agree, agree, agree on almost everything said. I just love that I am enjoying planning the wedding. It’s fun. I spend time on the decisions I think are important, and I let a lot of stuff go. I’m so glad that it isn’t some huge stressful burden that turns me into a bridezilla.
And that’s another thing. At 34, I’m over myself. I can’t become a bridezilla, and I love that. So far, the whole thing is a lovely experience that is all about me and fi, and planning the day that begins our life together. It’s nice to have the kind of perspective that comes with some maturity.
Post # 46
I like that I get to make all the decisions with my fiance’s input of course!
I like that I have a more refined taste than I did when in my twenties.
I am in a financial position that I am actually able to afford a nice wedding.
The biggest one is that I am finally mature enough to be with and stay with a guy that treats me the way I deserve to be treated and who loves me for all that I am.