(Closed) What are the Gender roles in your family/home?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Gender role at your home?
    I'm a stay at home wife. : (13 votes)
    8 %
    Me and SO both work. : (150 votes)
    90 %
    My SO stays home and I work. : (4 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    972 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think “I’m a stay at home wife.” and “I don’t think the woman should work. ” are two very different things.  I do like the idea of the poll though, to see who does what.


    Post # 4
    5540 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Well, right now we are both students and both work. After we graduate we will both be working. Hopefully, assuming DH can get a good enough job and we can save enough, whenever we have kids I want to stay home until they start school. I will most likely make more money than him for at least the first few years of our careers because my starting salary is higher, but his potential earnings are higher in the long run.

    But I don’t think women shouldn’t work. I come from a family of strong willed, independant, bread-winner women who love and respect their husbands very much but also never needed a man to take care of them. 

    Post # 5
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    My option isn’t listed on the poll but I chose that we both work because that’s what we do now. We don’t have kids yet (I hope to start TTC very soon) but when we do it would really be a dream of mine to be able to stay home – stay at home mom I guess more than a stay at home wife. I’m a teacher and with it being the summer I am so much more productive in the house and I love the way I’m able to take care of our home life so much more while he’s working.

    Post # 6
    5117 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I could vote for all 3, depending on when you ask me (minus the ‘women shouldn’t work thing). With my husband working a school-session job, he’s off for the summers. Instead of getting a summer job this year, he’s been staying at home to run the house while I work and study for the bar. Come fall and the next few years, we’ll both be working to pay off our student loans and save for a house. When it’s time for kiddos, I may stay home for a while or go to part-time if possible, but it’s just as likely (if not more) that he’d stay at home instead.

    We’re super flexible, and we don’t really do the stereotypical ‘gendered’ chores/roles. But we’re also not consciously rejecting them to make a point, either (I’ll do laundry because he hates it, and he does garbage because I hate that). It’s just that we cover what needs to be covered and that’s that. I love him for that. 

    Post # 7
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I agree that “I stay at home” and “Women shouldn’t work” are two completely different things. I might consider changing up the layout of your poll.

    Depending on our situation all three could apply. Currently we both work. But once we are established the plan is to start a family and for me to stay at home.

    Post # 8
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    We both work, and i’ve just found out I’m pregnant, so this conversation has been happening A LOT in our house since we found out.  Both of us, personally, would want me to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but probablly logistically, we won’t be able to afford that.  I always dreamed that when I had kids that I’d be at home with them until they were around 4 or 5, but in the real world, not everyone can choose their ideal, because money does play a very important part of it – after all love is not enough to put food on the table.


    Post # 9
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I agree with PPs about not combining “I stay at home” and “women shouldn’t work.”  I recently started a PT job but before that I was “stay at home.”  Not by choice though….we live overseas and I’ve been trying to get a job but it’s not easy. 

    We are TTC and if I get pregnant, I’ll be a Stay-At-Home Mom for a while until we go back stateside.  DH makes enough for us to live very comfortably and we are saving a ton of money so I don’t really need to work here….it’s more of a boredom thing.

    Post # 10
    2575 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    We both work.

    I only work part time, as my job is very, very stressful and because he works loooong hours and I pick up 90% of the work at home, cooking cleaning etc.

    No children for us- so I plan on saving and retiring in about 15 years 🙂

    Post # 11
    2491 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I would argue that Stay-At-Home Mom choice and women shouldn’t work are different. I would love to be a Stay-At-Home Mom one day, but I don’t think it would work for me. Fiance is more than welcome to become a Stay-At-Home Dad. Saying that, neither of us feels the woman should not work.


    Anyways, in the meantime we both work and are fine with it all! 🙂

    Post # 12
    1398 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’ll stay at home but not because wonen shouldn’t have to work.  I’ll stay at home because I don’t have to work.

    Post # 13
    1346 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @buggaboo6:  We both work (with partner earning about 20% more than me) but i also take on all of the traditional house wife roles also… i think i have the raw end of the deal here lol.

    Post # 14
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I stay home but I work at home as a daycare provider. Home is the place for me but I know it isn’t for every woman and thank goodness because it let’s me afford to be home. We bring in approx the same amount of income. My own personal view is that a mother should be home. Completely my own opinion and we live by it for now. It hasn’t always worked, I worked a few years outside home and it may not work in the future. He is on the fence with it, his Mom always worked but she had to. His father was not the best example or provider. He understands the need to work to take care of the bills but sees the negative effects it had on his childhood. So we compromise with a WAH situation. I have taken essentially all of the duties at home. I am fine with that as long as I get a bit of me time and am shown appreciation. He works 50 – 60 hours a week and is a volunteer firefighter. Volunteering does take away his mowing time. lol  We have older kids and they are expected to take on some of the traditional male responsibilities like taking out trash and mowing. 

    I could go on and on about this subject because I think it has had a huge effect on society. I think all the reasons women need to work are based in that we do work. 

    Post # 15
    1332 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    We both work right now, and have really solid careers.  However, we have started to discuss (although we are not married yet) expectations once children (hopefully!) are part of the picture.  He would love for me to be a stay at home mom until they are in school, because that is what his mother did. Although I am not against raising my children, I also am really proud of my career, and do not want to lose that part of my identity.  I was raised in daycares and with baby sitters, and feel I learned a lot going thru that process as well!! 

    At the end of the day, it will be a wait and see decision.  Not because or our genders, but because of who we are.  He makes more than I do, and so if we can live AS comfortably as we are now with two incomes (because that is important to me too), and decide that one of us should be home, then it would naturally be me!! If I made more, it would be him – no question.  However, if/when that time comes, and I am hell bent on going back to work, then he will respect that, certainly!!

    NOW, according to his grandma, the woman should raise the child because she is the woman, and that is what they do!  That is a gender stereotype of a different generation 🙂

    Post # 16
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    We both work and don’t have children.  As for home chores, I take care of everything kitchen related (cooking, dishes, grocery shopping, etc), and he takes care of pretty much everything else (all other cleaning and minor home repairs).  We split laundry.  

    When we do have children, I will probably continue to work, but may drop down to part time.  My main concern is that I don’t want to fully exit my profession and then have a hard time getting back into it once my children are in school and don’t need full-time home care.  Fortunately, my job offers part-time schedules, work from home days, and on-site childcare so I will probably take advantage of those.  

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