(Closed) What are the main issues in your marriage?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 91
Member
10664 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Clutter.  Heaven forbid there should be a square inch of available surface area with nothing on it.  He’ll fix that.  I like keeping my desk in my office uncluttered.  Dh spied that open surface and proposed putting a scanner on it.  NO, NO, NO, NO!  

He was offended by my strong reaction.

Clutter makes me insane.

We argue about it a lot.  We’re currently shopping for our Forever Home & I’m looking at these beautiful houses thinking What’s the Point?  We’re going to get new furniture & quartz countertops & he’ll fill them with CLUTTER.

Whew.

Ok, so let’s say clutter is an issue in my marriage.

 

Post # 92
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

My husband is OCD albout organization and he would say his issue with me is that I leave clutter. Now – to him, clutter is me leaving my sweater on the back of a chair. He is constantly moving my things. I put something down, go to get it again and it’s gone. It’s been ‘moved’ back to where my husband thinks it’s supposed to be. It’s annoying as all hell. Nothing is ever where I left it and never there when I need it. I have to constantly ask – did you move my phone? Where is my sweater? Where is that form? His organization makes me disorganized. :/

Post # 94
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We actually agree on money, family and other things that seem to be problems for some couples. Our only issue is a big one. 

He has 2 dogs and I am really, really allergic to themm. Before he asked me to move in, he tore out all of the carpet and we installed hardwood. He installed a doggie door to the laundry room that is next to the living room and the dogs live in there, with a gate between the laundry room and the living room. 

I get allergy shots and did a round of xolair too (VERY expensive injections for allergy induced asthma). For awhile there I was getting 4 shots in each arm every week. Now it’s just one in each arm every week. I take singulair and qvar, allegra and flonase and benadryl EVERY day in addition to using my rescue albuteral.

The little dog has always had a problem with peeing on everything , I mean EVERYTHING to mark it. He peed on the outdoor furniture so much that it rusted through and we got rid of it. He pees in the house too. We had to cover the hardwood in the laundry room with a scrap of vinyl flooring. He marks the doggie beds and they have to be washed all the time. He pees EVERY DAY. The odor is so bad that I walk in the door after work and it hits me like a brick wall. Darling Husband coes clean it up but I always have to ask, he just doesn’t smell it. Apparently dog urine is one of the things I am super allergic to (it is one they tested for) in addition to saliva and dander.

The other dog is old and has a skin condition and she stinks. He took her to the vet a long time ago but the condition came back after she finished her antibiotics. She needs bathing way more often than he bathes her (bi-weekly). Because she is constantly scratching, there is a ton of dander.

So here we are… I have been confined to our bedroom most of the time lately because I can’t breathe in the living room. I’m frustrated that he won’t take any more actions to change this for me.

I think he needs to take both to the vet. He needs to get Lola’s skin condition treated and under control. He needs to get Dougie checked for a urinary problem then get him fixed. Money for this is not an issue. He just won’t make the appointment.

I think the dogs could be outdoors during the day most of the year here. It’s been at least 75 degrees every day lately. I think we could get them a house or houses and put food and water outside for them and they would be fine while we were at work. That would be 10 hours less of peeing and scratching inside.

I don’t know what else to do. I made an allergist appointment and am going to have him go with me to hear how serious asthma is from the doctor. 

Post # 95
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception / Courtyard Marriott Legacy Ballroom

rachelavb:  That’s probably our biggest problem! Darling Husband has been living on his own for the past 7 years, so he’s really clean and likes to keep up his house. I’m not hugely messy, but I don’t mind a little clutter and I tend to wait until there are a lot of dirty dishes and laundry before I wash them all in one go. I’ve been trying to be more pro-active in cleaning up, but I’m still nowhere near Darling Husband in that category.

I guess family is also another issue, but I think it’s mostly because we aren’t really close to eachother’s families yet, with the exception of my mother and DH’s uncle. Both of DH’s parents suffer from occasional boughts of depression and I find it hard to get to know them; it doesn’t help that his mother lives out of town – we only see her maybe once a month or every other month. His father lives in town but he blows hot and cold; even Darling Husband has a hard time dealing with him sometimes. My brother and his family are kind of stand-offish and Darling Husband has a hard time relaxing with them, so I think that relationship will take quite a bit of time to develop. It’s hard trying to bring together our families since we come from such different backgrounds, but I think everything will get better with time and patience.

Post # 96
Member
40 posts
Newbee

Our schedule is pretty tight. He works from 10am to 8pm, 5 to 6 days a week and our off days don’t match. I work 8am to 4pm, 5 days a week (about 1 hour to get home for me, him 15 minutes). Every day, I come home to cooking and cleaning the kitchen. He comes home to a meal and TV/Video Games. Even on my off days, I am cleaning the house so I don’t have to worry about it during my work days. Lately he’s been getting one day off because of the holidays. He constantly needs me to tell me what needs to be done and to make a list for him. First off, I am not the household dictator. I wish he would simple open his eyes and look around. Does stuff need to be put away?? Are the dishes Clean?? It’s getting a little irritating. This morning he asked me to send him a brief list of what I want him to do… The majority is sprucing. I call him just to make sure he received the list and he says “you gave me much more than a brief list.” What I gave him it will only take 2 to 3 hours depending on how fast you clean and he’s all “looks like this isn’t my off day.” I really need to rant…. Am I being ridiculous here? Our jobs demand the same amount of labor so I don’t understand how this could be such an issue.

I don’t have the desire to have kids. The thought of having something inside me for nine months freaks me out as well as ripping out of me. Either way, I felt that I could have one with him and raise whatever we have together. However, with how things have been I feel like I will be raising two kids and not just one. We aren’t close to having kids though so there’s still time for us to grow and learn from one another.

Post # 97
Bee
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - El Faro Convention center, Aguadilla, Puerto Rico

saratiara2: THIS! It’s driving me insane!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m 17 weeks an the fact that I haven;t bought anythig for the baby is stressing me out.

I’m a Type A planner control freak but I’m very messy and could care less about having clean house (though I would make sure it was impecable before someone came over). He on the other hand is a very laid back but is extremely organized and needs everything in it’s place. As soon as I get home I start shedding clothing all over the first floor, he hates clutter so he picks it all up and sets it on the stars for me to take upstairs but I always forget or don’t notice it. 

I sympathasize with your husbands that don’t see what needs to be done  What helped our clean house issue is that we take 1 Saturday a month to clean the house. We have split the chores evenly and ge has all the weekly maintanence chores I would defenitively forget  like taking out the trash and doing dishes so on the day we clean the house he only has to vacumn. I would normally take forever to do my chores (Clean kitchen, 3 bathrooms, all mirrors, tables and mop the floors) but since he is done vacumning fairly quickly I speed up so that we don’t waste our whole day cleaning.

 

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