(Closed) what are the pre-existing conditions of being in a wedding party?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m not having bridesmaids and every time I’m asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man I decline.

Not my style.

Post # 63
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I tried to keep low expectations for my Bridesmaid or Best Man, but they’ve been so awesome and have totally exceeded my expectations, and I’m so grateful.  

What I expected:

1. Buy their attire if they could afford it.  I went really inexpensive, and all but one could afford my selection, so I gladly purchased her’s.  I found a $32 ivory lace pencil skirt, I’m letting them choose their aqua/mint colored top (and gave them paint chips in subtle variations of the color to help them choose), wear nude shoes, and hair/makeup/accessories are to their choosing so long as the hair style isn’t too similar to mine.  

2. Help me set things up on the wedding day.  I’ve done a lot of DIY to help keep costs down, and because I love doing DIY projects.  But this means there’s going to be some set-up involved on the day of.  (Since it’s not coming from the rental company, they won’t set it up). 

Ways they’ve gone above and beyond:

1. They tried to throw a shower for me, but it had to be canceled because no one could attend. Not a big deal…we have a less than 3 month engagement and so we could only give a 1 week notice for the shower.  I just feel so blessed that they were putting the time into throwing me what would have been a very nice, very classy shower.  

2. They are throwing me an awesome bachelorette party…out of town, fine dining, and an overnight stay. This is way more than I could have expected (I was thinking just going out to dinner locally) and I’m so excited for it.   

3. One Bridesmaid or Best Man is a very talented musician and she and 2 other friends are performing our first dance songs at the reception.

4. They have all helped me make fast decisions, something I am not good at.  If it weren’t for them, this <3mo engagement thing would be driving me nuts.  

Post # 64
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m having a Destination Wedding, so my expectations are a little different. 

Im asking them to pay for their travel, accommodations and their dress. ($1900+$300)

Depending on finances I may be able to pay for their dress, but my wedding is over a year away so I’m going to see what I can work out. I will pay for their shoes however.

I’m planning to have girls nights before we go, not mandatory, but to practice doing hair & make up off YouTube and Pinterest. Mostly because I’ve been a bridesmaid in 2 Destination Wedding and both times we had our hair done it was expensive, the curl fell out because most resort salons don’t use a flat iron or curling wand to curl hair yet, and it was very rushed. (luckily they all live in the same city so I won’t have to worry about anything other than their schedules).

I do expect them to “host” a bachelorette party, however I’m fine with just planning a night together and getting really drunk. I don’t need anything other than that. I don’t want a bridal shower, however I have a feeling my mom will want to host one for people that can’t make it to the wedding.

Fiance and I previously wanted to elope, however his mom, and my 2 sisters (both BM’s) told me they would be really upset if they couldn’t attend. (My Fiance is an only child and I’m the baby in my family).

ETA: Of course I also want them to smile and take direction from my photographers, and I want them to help guests light sparklers for the first dance. I would also love for them to be awesome and positive and optimistic. I know my sisters will do most of the event planning cause that’s what they do in real life, and one of my BM’s is a DIY type so I think she’ll like helping with that. My last Bridesmaid or Best Man has been my bestfriend for 6 years, and I’ll need her to help me budget, tell me what things are worth it and what things are not, and also for emotional support.

I’m a pretty generous person, and if they have trouble paying for anything ill do what I can to help, but do far no complaints and they’re all very excited. 

I also would never ever kick someone out because they are pregnant. I would ask them if they still want to be involved if they’re due around my the time of my wedding, or they now could completely not afford a dime of my wedding. But we’ll see what happens. I’m personally not having a Maid/Matron of Honor because my closest friends are my sisters, and their twins haha so I spend an equal amount of time with them, and of course love them both the same.

Post # 65
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@pokey730:  So agree! It’s about friendship! Likewise, I have been horrified by “diva” brides and their expectations. On the other hand, I have also had many friends that have taught me how to act as a bride… aka, no pressure, understanding, showing appreciation, reasonable spending on their part and most importantly VALUE them as a friend FIRST. Sometimes the entire wedding industry grosses me out!

Post # 66
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My expectations are pretty low. Like others said, show up on time and sober. I’m not asking them for much, let them choose their own dresses that they felt comfortabel in, I’m paying for almost all of their stuff, and they don’t have to help with any DIY. I think my ladies have it pretty darn good compared to some of the demanding brides

I am also in the mindset that I want my closest friends involved in my wedding, and if for some reason anyone can not afford things, I will happily shell out the money. I feel like that is my responsibility as a bride and as a friend.

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