(Closed) What are the traditional groom’s parent’s expenses

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 4
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

It’s not a whole heck of a lot……I think it definitely varies by culture/region/etc.  One etiquette site I saw said the groom’s family was supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner and one other pretty small thing.  In my family, it’s always been tradition for the groom’s side to pay for the rehearsal dinner, alcohol, and flowers.   When I (a bride with Pittsburghian parents) decided to marry a southern (Hampton Roads area of VA) gent, I found out that they didn’t think they are supposed to pay for ANYTHING except for the rehearsal dinner.  When we told them we’re not having a rehearsal because the priest is coming from out of town, they thought their job was done.  I thought, "Wow, they got off easy."  For their daughter, they paid every penny besides the rehearsal dinner, so they thought this was perfectly normal, while my parents sat with their mouths wide open.  Now, my awesome groom convinced them to help with the photographer and pay for the cake, but they definitely think they’re doing us a huge favor.  My parents, on the other hand, paid over 5 grand on each of my two older brothers’ weddings……so they got kinda screwed.  My suggestion is this……get your hubby to talk to them RIGHT NOW about what they’ll pay for and how much they expect to spend.  Otherwise, like my wedding, it gets messy and just a LITTLE BIT resentful between the families.  (Nothing time won’t fix…..but I wish we’d done the sit down earlier.)  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’ve always heard that the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon, and maybe the bride’s wedding ring.  But the ideas about what’s "traditional" vary a lot.  I think the best thing to do is what gracielou suggested: talk openly with everyone about their expectations and head off potential hurt feelings early on!  In my case, I have almost the opposite of gracielou’s situation: my groom’s wonderful parents have offered money to help with reception costs (they have a large guest list) in addition to hosting the rehearsal dinner, but my dad is worried about appearing cheap if he doesn’t pay for 100% of the reception himself.  Money talk can be awkward, but I think being honest about what things cost and who can help pays off in the end (no pun intended!).

Post # 6
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I wasn’t really expecting for the groom’s parents to pay for anything besides the rehearsal dinner but they approached us and said they could either give us a gift or pay for a vendor so we happily let them pay for our photographer.  My parents are paying for about 1/2 and we are paying the remainder so it really depends on a lot of factors.  My fiance’s mother has picked up a lot of little things along the way such as hotel bags, stamps for invitations, and bathroom baskets.  

Post # 7
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

In my case my husband’s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, the honeymoon, and gave us $5,000 towards other expenses.  I think that the first two are traditional, but giving us the money was not.

Post # 8
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

My husband and I are giving our daughter a chunk of money, paid for her wedding gown & some access., reception decorations and now we are stepping aside. Our daughter and her fiancee’ are doing some non-traditional wedding & “later” wedding reception. Whatever, so just give them money and shut-up as I only end up having hopes dashed and hurt feelings. Hope our daughter won’t be disappointed later on if this is any indication of how she ends up being “controlled”. We wish them many years of happy wedded bliss!

Post # 9
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think rehearsal dinner, alcohol, honeymoon, getaway car.

Mine gave me rehearsal dinner and I’m keeping my fingers crossed on the alcohol for our full bar. They told us they’d pay, but I’ve already paid off the catering bill for my upcoming wedding and haven’t seen any money yet.

Post # 10
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a sticky subject in our household lol. FI’s dad told my brother in law that they should not have to pay for anything because it is up to the bride’s parents to pay. My parents are by no means well-off, but are giving us $5000 in contribution to the wedding (which is more than we expected, so we are very happy with their generosity).

FI’s dad mentioned once that they would pay for the rehearsal dinner, but that is included in our wedding package, so I think they feel like they are “off the hook”.

So basically we are not really expecting anything from FI’s parents. If they do contribute it will just be an added bonus and we will be extremely grateful!

Post # 11
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

wow, some of you get a lot from grooms parents- I never would have thought that they paid for the honeymoon. My FI’s parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner & are giving us lots of $ to buy bedroom furniture.

Post # 12
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My groom’s parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner (but we did all the work to plan it since they’re out of state) and the personal flowers.  My Mother-In-Law also threw me a shower in their hometown.  My parents are paying for the balance of the wedding expenses, with the exception of the officiants and the photography which we’re paying for ourselves.  I also paid for other various miscellaneous things like favors, postage, etc.

Post # 13
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Going into it I was crossing my fingers knowing what kind of people they are that they would pay the rehersal and maybe the liquor tab (I had heard that was somewhat “Traditional”). Well I was beyond extatic when they offered to pay for dinner and bar tab for their guests which will be about 70% of the guest list because i have a small family. I was so happy because it meant we could have our dream venue and didn’t stretch my parents to a number they were uncomfortable with. I can definitely say we are very lucky to both have such supportive parents and let them know all the time how greatful we are.

Post # 14
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@winky: wow, too bad you didn’t have some discussions about what the wedding was going to be like before giving them money and paying for stuff…

Post # 15
Member
395 posts
Helper bee

I always thought it was only the rehearsal dinner. That’s all they paid on my brother’s wedding.  And I’m not positive, but I think that’s all my Future In-Laws paid on my FBILs’ weddings. However, if they offer to pay for anything else once we’re engaged, I sure won’t turn them down 🙂

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