(Closed) What are the your expectations of your maid of honor and bridesmaids?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

In my opinion, I think that the only real expectation of a bridesmaid or Maid/Matron of Honor is to be there on your wedding day, support, and help out with anything that is asked of you (within reason).

I think bachelorette parties, engagement parties, and bridal showers are all bonus. No one should be expected to do that. It’s a kind and very generous gesture.

I am a bridesmaid (this coming weekend!) for my best friend and for my sister (this July). I have excitedly planned bachelorettes and showers for them, but only because I love and care about them so much…not because I think I have to. My only real responsibility should be to attend and be attentive on the wedding day.

Post # 17
748 posts
Busy bee

Well I don’t have set-in-stone expectations but…there are things i’d like to enjoy with them –

  • Show up on time to the surprise bridesmaid brunch i’ll be throwing to thank them for their support.
  • For my Maid/Matron of Honor to host my bridal shower (i know it’s tradition breaking, but i’d be happy to plan it.
  • To attend bridal shower (gifts not necessary) and consume unholy amounts of desserts if they wish.
  • To attend my bachelorette weekend getaway (should budget, and time allow – again i’d be happy to plan…i just see it as having fun with my friends – not just a party for me)
  • To attend rehearsal on time and follow instructions.. Plus 1’s to only attend dinner (why should they have to sit through rehearsals and yadda-yadda, you know)
  • To have hair and makeup trials whether professional or DIY, and not wing it the day of.
  • To have dress fittings and do whatever they need to be happy, comfy and confident.
  • Show up in matching dresses and shoes, wearing gifted accessories and low chignons/buns/french rolls.
  • Hopefully, agree the champagne before the ceremony is totally ok. 
Post # 18
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club

My Maid/Matron of Honor and singular bridesmaid have been asked to pick their dress from a specific collection in selected color, both have offered to buy their own dresses as well. They have been asked to wear silver shoes, they can choose the height. They are also expected to show up for the rehearsal and wedding. One will hold my bouquet, the other will have tissues stuffed in her bra for me. Both of them will fix my dress for pictures and chase away anyone bringing drama!  Maid/Matron of Honor has offered a shower! BMaid has offered to plan a bachelorette party! They have both been available for opinions during planning as well, I’m lucky. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  wvlefty. Reason: "As" was a curse word-oops!
Post # 19
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

They need to buy a flight to the wedding destination and show up.  That’s it.

They are scattered across Canada and I’m in the US so I even told them not to worry about a bachelorette but they insisted on coming here for one.  I won’t be going back to Canada before the wedding and it will be small with no registry so there wouldn’t be a shower anyway.

Post # 20
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
tanya4285:  I really don’t expect much at all from mine other than to share the fun parts with me!

I don’t expect them organise anything or to pay for bridal showers or hens nights etc. I’m also letting them choose their dresses and how they want their hair and make-up.

Really we just talk fun wedding stuff when we catch up and then on the wedding day they’ll be there to get ready with me and stand by my side during the ceremony! I don’t want them feeling like being a bridesmaid is a burden, I want them to have fun!

Post # 21
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I feel as if I am a fairly easygoing bride… However I am expecting a lot more from my gals than most of the bees above! first of all, I only have a Maid/Matron of Honor, and my girlfriends are acting as my bridal party, though there is nothing expected of them, except to show up for the wedding (unless there are extenuating circumstances and they can’t be there) and look FAB! Since those are pretty much no brainers for them, they have asked how else they could help, and it have delegated a bit. 2 (unofficial bridesmaid) girlfriends planned and executed my local shower. Maid/Matron of Honor and Future Mother-In-Law planned and executed my hometown shower. Maid/Matron of Honor is planning my bachelorette weekend, which I expect most of my gal friends to attend (I’m renting transportation) but not required. I hope to help with the Bach weekend. One friend will be creating the signature cocktails. One maid dipped Oreo favors for the shower.  All gals asked what to wear and I suggested sequins. (MOH wearing navy) I hope my gals will lead folks to the dancefloor and hang out with me throughout the wedding. I love them so much, nd am so blessed to have such helpful and amazing friends!

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  Kwhoa.
Post # 22
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We had only a maid of honor and a dude of honor.  In each case, we expected them to show up on the wedding day, wear appropriate clothes of their own choosing, and stand up with us.  We hoped but did not demand that they would also help out with last-minute chores (decorating the synagogue, buying the bread for the blessing over bread) and give toasts at the reception.  They did all the things we expected and hoped.

Post # 23
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
tanya4285:  I had no maid of honor. My expectations were:

-Show up to rehearsal on time

-Show up to the day of on time

-Wear the thing we agreed on (“anything purple” and specific shoes)

-Stand there for 10 minutes while I get married


Post # 24
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

1 throw the hen party. I don’t know any bm here who didn’t.

2. Show up on the day for hair and make up. (Paid for by the bride)

3. Help the bride on the day

4. Walk down the aisle

5. Pose for pictures.

The dress, shoes and accessories are provided by the bride.

Post # 25
9831 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Ideally: go with me to pick out their dresses, maybe go to one or two of my trips to find my dress, attend my bridal shower and bachelorette (if I have them), be there to get ready with me the morning of, help me into my dress if needed and pose for pictures. I don’t expect them to pay for their dresses or anything like that. Attend the rehearsal so they know what to do the day of. Minimum: Attend the rehearsal (unless they have a valid reason not to) wear the dress I get them, be there on the day of for getting ready and pictures. 

My expectations may change between now and the wedding, especially when I start booking things and preparing things properly, but I hope not.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  Jacqui90.
Post # 26
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I expect my girls to show up, drink mimosas, wear their dress, tell me I look pretty, and boogie down after the ceremony. 

If they want to help with anything else, that’s just icing on the cake. 

Post # 27
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

show up and have fun (I didn’t care what they wore)

Post # 28
33 posts

Until I was on the bee I didnt realize that having expectations of your bridesmaids was “wrong” lol IM not getting married anytime/not engaged but if and when I do get married and IF i decide I want bridesmaids I will ask them wear coordinating dresses in the color I choose. I will expect them to help out on the wedding day doing various tasks that I will assign to them beforhand I will expect that they help make my wedding day stress-free. Do I expect a bridal shower? YES I do and im not ashmed to admit it.

I remember reading on the bee one poster who said not to long ago that she wished people on the bee would stop posting these robotic answers if its ok to have expectations of your bridesmaid and I wanna say hell yea it is. but I also wouldnt be offended at all if I asked someone to be a bridesmaid and they said No. I will be upfront with my expecations before they sign on haha.


Post # 29
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013


I just wanted my bridesmaids and Maid/Matron of Honor to help throw my shower and bachelorette (with family members who offered to help) and be there on the wedding day. That’s about it. The only DIY stuff I had were the invitations but I didn’t expect, or even ask, them to help me with those. I never expected my girls to be my little helpers for the day or even through the wedding planning process. They were all helpful in their own ways and that was fine with me.

Post # 30
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Relatively little because most don’t live in my city!  School/careers/partners’ careers have sent people every which way around the country.  

My expectations are mostly to show up & buy the dress – basically the normal stuff!  

I viewed it as a plus if they were able to make it to any of the leadup events like the engagement party & bachelorette but def didn’t consider those expected since many are out of town.  The only three who missed the bachelorette were (1) a new mother – as in had given birth literally that week and (2) have weekend jobs & couldn’t get off work to join – of those two one is getting married 3 wks before me and needs time off for her own wedding/shower/etc so that’s beyond understandable! 

Any DIY stuff I’m doing mostly on my own or with FI’s help.  One of my sisters/BM went to art school so she’s been awesome with Illustrator/Photoshop tips.  But I’m not asking the ones who live near me to come over to assemble invites or anything.

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