(Closed) What are thoughts on not having a flower girl & ring bearer?

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
3260 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No you do not have to have one.  You also don’t need to spend an arm and a leg on a dress.  It doesn’t HAVE to match the bridesmaids.  Would you be ok with her wearing a pretty dress she already has?

But no, you don’t have to have a flower girl or a ring bearer.  They are entirely optional.

Post # 4
Member
7121 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

We’re not having them. A few people offered up their children but we just politely turned them down. 

Post # 5
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee

They’re not necessary at all.  We don’t have a ring bearer, and were almost not going to have flower girls.  When we learned that my cousin and her 2 daughters would be attending, we asked the daughters to be flower girls.

Post # 6
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think they are totally unnecessary. Here are my rather harsh and self centered thoughts on children:

 

I paid couple hundred if not thousands of dollars to look absolutely stunning on that day. It is supposed to be all about me. Sounds selfish but true. I can’t tell you how many weddings i have gone to where the ring bearer or flower girl steal the show.  That could be in a good way or a bad way. Like, the ring bearer gets totally freaked out and won’t walk down the aisle. And everyone is trying to cheer him on.  Or the flower girl is standing up front by teh bride and decides its appropriate to show everyone her underwear. I’ve seen it so many tiems where the children act out and then all guests are too focused on this misbehaved child and the poor bride is an after though.  Or, they are just simply being absolutely friggen adorable and you can’t help but pay attention to the small boy dressed in a tux with a huge grin.  My thoughts – don’t be outshined by a kid. Do without and make your day truly all about you. 

 

Post # 7
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Have them or not as you wish, they’re not a requirement.  We’re not having any attendants, just guests because we’re our guest list only about 24 people.

Post # 8
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We have four flower girls and no ring bearer.

My sister had a girl as a ring bearer and a girl as the flower girl (we don’t have a lot of boys in our fam if you can’t tell).

My bestie had her son as a Junior groom and no little ones at all.

I think these days its whatever you want 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee

Its one of those things I think is cute in the moment but wouldn’t notice if it wasn’t there. But if the only thing stopping you is the cost of a dress I’m pretty sure the flower girl has something she already could wear. 

Post # 10
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We aren’t having them.  We just didn’t really know any kids who were the right age.  However, after talking with our minister, I’m ok with our decision.  He said he’s done over 200 weddings.  He told me that 99% of “problems” during ceremonies happen because of children in the bridal party.  It makes me feel better that we aren’t having kids, because I’m a teacher and absolutely love them and was disappointed at first 🙂  So that’s definitely something to think about.

Post # 11
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We’re having attendants but no flower girl or ring bearer. No children under 14 at all. And only adult attendants.

Post # 12
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree that they are not necessary.  We are not having a ring bearer or a flower girl.  Partially because while there are a a lot of kids in our families – there isn’t really an obvious choice for these roles.  Also, I have been in a number of weddings and whenever there is a flower girl/ring bearer they are usually great in the morning and then by the time pictures are finished and the ceremony starts, they are cranky and uncooporative.  I prefer to avoid that risk altogether. 

I also agree with what @sarg88: said about stealing focus. 

Bottom line is that it is personal preference more than anything else. 

Post # 13
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We aren’t having either, even though there are enough neices and nephews between us to make an entire bridal party out of them. HA  We are having a no children wedding.  I am not one for hearing children screaming, crying, or getting distracted during our ceremony or reception.  Don’t feel like you have to include children!  It’s not really a standard.  One less stress to worry about.

Post # 14
Member
7449 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nope. Not necessary. 

Post # 15
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My FI has said that he would like for us to have a flower girl and ring-bearer (his primary reason seems to be as a way to include younger family members), but I would really rather not have either.  I won’t go so far as to say I resent the idea of children stealing some of the attention that should be on me, but I do worry about them causing a delay or disruption to our ceremony, which I’m trying to keep short & sweet.  

The children we have in mind are my cousin’s two daughters as the flower girls and my FI’s youngest cousin as the ring-bearer.  Something I have to keep telling myself is that yes, they’re toddlers (approx. 2-4 years) right now, but they’re going to be 2.5 years older by the time our wedding rolls around.  My cousin’s older daughter just had her first ballet recital, for goodness sake.  If my FI insists, I’ll give in, because they will be older and more well-behaved by then (not that they’re monsters now).

Anyway, I don’t think flower girls or ring-bearers are a necessary component to a wedding ceremony.  It’s nice if you have the right children in mind, but it all comes down to personal preference.

Post # 16
Hostess
14026 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We had a ring bearer but no flower girl because there aren’t really many children in my life whom I’m close to. The ring bearer was my young cousin because he’s part of my life; however, he was only “nominally” a ring bearer. If I’d chosen a flower girl, it would be for the sake of having one, not to honor any existing relationship. So we didn’t have one, and I had no problem with that. 🙂

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