(Closed) What are you demands!!!!! help me think of some

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

If I were you I would just say “you already know exactly what I want.” I would not give him anymore deadlines because he obviously is not motivated by them. I would noshout all my cards on the table again. I would need to know WHY he didn’t do it by the jump date if he knew he could risk losing you for good by doing so. I would say something to the effect of ” you say you don’t want to lose me but your actions speak otherwise and if you don’t follow through SOON you will lose me forever because I deserve better than this”. Don’t let HIM keep calling all the shots here. He knows what he needs to do if he wants to keep you and if he doesnt then you may have to decide whether it’s still something you want to fight for. Best of luck to you!! 

Post # 4
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Sweetheartchic:  This exactly. I said close to the same thing to my SO and since we ordered a diamond and picked out a setting together. But you have to be able to stay calm, say what you need to and leave it at that.

Post # 5
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Walk away- otherwise you will wonder if you pushed him into marriage forever. If he wants to be with you, he will show up and propose one day because he knows that is important and what you NEED. If he doesn’t.. well, at least you aren’t stuck in limbo waiting around for something.

Post # 7
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@Sweetheartchic:  +1. I agree. The WHY of ‘If he knew the deadline, WHHHYYY didn’t he do it?’ Why didn’t he ask for an extention. WHY didn’t he make any goals towards something that he could determin the fate of your relationship? That is an important WHY! Then Step back. If you don’t like his answer (His first answer, not his second or third) then you gotta go.

Women do so much for our men. We love then whole-heartedly and all we ask for is a little symbol of commitment. Why is that so hard? It’s just a symbol! I am not asking for your left testicle!

Post # 9
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MsLonnieBee:  Tell him you want a proposal and that means a ring as well.

If you live together that’s more complicated obviously. I’d move out etc.

The thing about ultimatums is that you need to follow through. Obviously I don’t know your situation, but I’d think long and hard about staying w. a guy that you pretty much need to force into a proposal. It’s a slippery slope and I think ultimatums can work sometimes, but at the same time I’d probably always wonder if he would ever marry me if I didn’t issue one.

Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If he is holding back from proposing, but is ready for marriage, then there’s a reason he hasn’t proposed yet, and that reason is he doesn’t want to marry you.

Post # 11
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

OP, so you went back to dating because he didn’t propose, do I have that right? You’re free to date other people? But if he proposes, you’ll say yes and stop dating others.

ETA: I just want to make sure I’m following correctly before I add anything else…

Post # 12
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You have only been together for two years, I don’t think you should jump ship already. Give him another month and go from there, two years is hardly anything in my books when it comes to a relationship

Post # 13
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@alleycat1984:  +1. 5 years with my Hunnie and it is just happening NOW

Post # 14
Member
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  My wait was 9 years……lol. But it was worth it! Lol

Post # 15
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

@nerdysarah:  I completely agree. Walk away. You don’t want to always look back and wonder if he proposed because he wanted to or because you made demands. Don’t demand anything… Make him work for it on his own. No help. You’ve done what you’ve said…

Post # 16
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

@MsLonnieBee:  

I agree with some of the other posters. Keep calm and cool and prepare for the conversation.

I think in the conversation you should be completely honest in how you feel about him not following through with the proposing by the jump date. I agree with sweetheartchic that you should ask him why he didn’t and try to get an honest answer from him, then based on his answer go from there. Tell him that the only reason why you are dating others is that you are keeping your options open since you don’t know where you stand with him. He does know what you want, you have told him several times and he’s fully aware of that so the ball is in his court now. Questions…… do you live with him and would you be willing to take an even bigger step to move out so that he knows that he can’t have all the benefits of a wife without proposing?  You are a strong woman and a force to be reckoned with. Hang strong!

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