(Closed) What are you expecting of your bridesmaids?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

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sorba :  I didn’t even trail around wedding fairs for my own wedding. 

What is most important is genuine happiness for you and your groom- anything else is optional/ flexible. 

Post # 18
Member
605 posts
Busy bee

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sorba :  I am asking her to do the bridal shower…and bachelorette? If she wants. Otherwise anything else she wants to do is a bonus. 🙂 I’m just having one and she will have the numbers to all of my girls if she needs help etc. I can do bridal shows with her or friends who want to go or other brides or with my fiancée or by myself. I’m fine with whatever. 

Post # 19
Member
637 posts
Busy bee

I expect mine to come to the wedding, throw a bachlorette party. By throw I mean plan it, I’m not expecting them to pay for me. Get ready with me on day of wedding, pay OR do their own makeup. i will be paying for hair. Pay for the dress, I actually had my Maid/Matron of Honor pick the dress but it had to be coral/pink. She was in Hong Kong and got all the dresses for around $30. Also I expect shoes to be gold/nude OR a coordinating color that all my BMs agree on. It was actually my Maid/Matron of Honor who insisted everyone at least matched. I really didn’t care!

Post # 20
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I tried not to expect too much out of them because I only had two that don’t live locally. I paid for their outfits and nails, but we got ready separately. They did find their own shoes. I did need their help to plan out a bridal shower, which they managed to do with the help of my mother in law. We had a “girl” day and did a fun activity together in lieu of a bachelorette (paint nite) that they did pay for. I didn’t want them to do much also because both of them are still students and don’t necessarily have a steady income. And of course, moral support! 

Post # 21
Member
2044 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m having my bridesmaids do a bit more because I’m southern, but everything has been volunteer basis only!

My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister but she lives far away so her major contribution will be lending me her beaded cathedral veil from her wedding! She splurged on it and loved the idea of it being my “something borrowed.”  My cousin lives near her and is a maid as well, but she is in high school (Jr maid if you will) so I’m not having her do anything!

My 3 local maids are doing a bit more. I did go dress shopping alone as they all have kids and are pretty busy, but they are going to visit the venues with me (getting married at a rose garden and reception is at a courtyard two blocks away). Since we are diying flowers (simple bouquets and TONS of bud vases) they have all agreed to help out. We will get the flowers 3-4 days before and then arrange them 1-2 days before. Fiance, step mom and I were down to do this ourselves as this will be our only big diy (everything else DIY is mostly done already, even though we don’t get married till April) but all three volunteered and one has some floral experience (as do I, whew). 

I am buying dresses, but a few have offered to pay for theirs. I picked really cheap dresses so it doesn’t matter to me, lol. 

They can get their hair, makeup, or nails done if they want. I’m not requiring it so I’m not paying for it (I’m paying for my step mom) unless someone tells me they want it done and they can’t afford it, in which case I will. My MUA is pretty affordable ($55 for maids) and I want them in simple bun style hair do or with their hair down, so they can easily do that on their own. 

 

We have a coordinator so I can’t really imagine what else they would need to do. My sister is singning but she loves to sing and I really asked her more to make her happy (although she is a great singer and lots of people will enjoy her). 

 

This might seem like a lot for people but where I’m from BMs do EVERYTHING. I’ve been a Maid/Matron of Honor twice and I’ve gone as far as buying a honeymoon for couple (plane tickets, hotel rooms, restaruant gift certs, clothes because it was a far different climate than where they live), making shady vendors give refunds and uphold contracts, cooking food, putting up folding chairs, and a whole ton of other things I can’t even imagine naming. None of my maids have expressed any opinions that I have given them too much to do. I will ask them about it as we get closer to the day, though!

Post # 22
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I expect them to come to the wedding. That’s all. I hope they enjoy themselves. I refuse to let someone pay $$$$ to be a part of a single (albeit glorious) day. I have asked for no big bachelorette party, something easy and just ladies getting together. My mom is planning the bridal shower BC she insists I have one. 

Honestly I don’t expect anything but I do hope they have fun!

Post # 23
Member
2044 posts
Buzzing bee

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sorba :  AFTER the wedding?!?! That’s insane! Our guys agreed to pay for the tuxes but we said we would pay if anyone didn’t feel able to do so, just let us know. But we also found full tuxes for $59usd (about 45 pounds or so, so almost half that cost!)

Post # 24
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

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sorba : Stay with me the night before (we’re paying for the accommodation and all the girls are single with no kids so it should be fine), get ready with me the day of the wedding and pay attention while we’re taking the formal photos so we can get through them as fast as possible. Other than that, absolutely nothing. We are paying for everything but they are picking their own dresses, shoes, accessories, style of hair, makeup, nails, etc. We’re also not expecting any “in the bride and groom’s honour” events like a shower or bachelorette/bachelor parties.

Post # 25
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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janeblack :  I can’t even imagine a world where it would be a bridesmaid’s responsibility to pay for someone else’s honeymoon. Unless it was your gift to them and there were absolutely zero expectations on you to gift it. I also don’t understand why bride’s to be have their bridesmaids help out with things the groom to be should be involved in. The only person I brought to tour venues was my fiance. It would never occur to me that his input would be less than my bridesmaids. That just seems odd. 

Post # 26
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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sorba :  It drives me crazy when I hear about people relying on bridesmaids to do what should be expected of the groom.  I expect my bridesmaids to help pick out their dress and pay for it. I also want us to have a night in of drinking wine and watching horror movies. I don’t expect them to go to tastings or help pick out a venue or help with centerpieces or have a million opinions on wedding colors. My fiance is helping me equally with all that. Plus, we have a wedding planner.

Post # 27
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: A restaurant on the beach

My twin sister is my bridesmaid. I expect her to show up on time, wearing something nice that she would wear again, and walk down the isle holding my 2 year old cousin’s hand. Oh and i might make her wear some sandals, which she never does. Thats it! 

Post # 28
Member
2044 posts
Buzzing bee

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oceangirl40 :  It’s my younger sister and our mother and father have been dead since we were teenagers, so it’s something I wanted to do for her. I was not told to do it, but she would not have had any sort of honeymoon, other than a one night stay in a cabin at her venue, otherwise.

However she did make me do a lot of insane stuff that I won’t get into on here. 🙂

Post # 29
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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janeblack :  That’s completely understandable. I didn’t know if it was some southern tradition where bridal party pays for wedding expenses!

Post # 30
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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southernbellewindycity :  You actually asked them to throw 2 parties for you?  You’ve got some giant balls, girl.

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