Post # 1
Couples generally have the same argument in different forms, and they span throughout the relationship. As in, you are not really arguing about how he puts the tissue on the roll, it is about his Mama’s Boy issues. Anyway, what are the big issues in your relationship that “give birth” to the smaller issues?
Me-I think he is a major control freak
My husband- thinks I am too spontaneous and spoiled
Many tiffs we have come back around to those things. What about my fellow bees?
Post # 3
His mother. Hands down. Almost all of our “big” arguments have been about her.
Post # 4
We’ve definitely had most of our big fights about one of DH’s friends. He’s always treated him (and also me) very badly, but Darling Husband would always make excuses for him. Darling Husband has so many great friends and he doesn’t need someone who treats him like crap! But in the last two years they’ve grown apart a lot and Darling Husband started noticing how his friend treated him & other people, so it’s not a real big problem anymore. But as soon as this guy comes into town, there’s usually some sort of conflict. Like right now actually, he’s mad at Darling Husband because we didn’t tell him we got a rescue dog before we got it! I didn’t know we had to inform him of every detail in our lives lol.
Post # 5
Hmm usually just stupid stuff like whose turn it is to clean something. We also tend to have fights when one of us is cranky and snappy for no reason, and then it turns into an argument about being cranky which is a vicious circle. Oh the life of two graduate students with full time jobs.
Post # 7
@Bellagiobride: Same. He is a control freak. Like, down to how the coffee pot needs to be positioned once it’s brewed. Or how I squeeze the toothpaste. He says I ‘don’t think things through’. We are having the same relationship!
Post # 8
when we first moved in together, it was division of labor. after that it’s been very minor disagreements about each other’s families.
Post # 9
We honestly don’t really fight much. If we do, it’s generally that I’m annoyed/hormonal & he doesn’t let me antagonize him into fighting, and I get mad that he doesn’t care that I’m mad lol. Pretty much silliness.
Post # 10
@RahlyRah: Me too!! It’s so frustrating. How do you guys deal with it?
Post # 11
We don’t fight very often either. Generally it stems from one of us being “hangry”(hungry angry) and it could be about anything from division of labor at that moment or what to eat. Always resolves once we eat though haha.
Occasionally he’ll tell me I’m grumpy when I’m really just tired or just got up and I’m not awake and when i say I’m not grumpy just tired he just continues with the grumpy comments which acutally makes me grumpy! Bah haha
Post # 12
We don’t fight, but I do have moments where I’m snappy. He’s too laid back to care and just tells me to shut up. 9 times out of 10 I’m being stupid, and quickly come to my senses.
We’re both pretty easy going, though. I don’t let things get to me anymore and it helps us get along great. We turn into one another’s rock when we do have something that is actually causing a problem, though.
Post # 13
@SupermansSweetheart: OMG HANGRY. I am the worst hangry offender. He jokes he’s going to keep a snickers bar on his person at all times to hurl at me when I get started. I admit I turn into a horrible person when I’m hungry and don’t even realize it until after I eat.
Most bad arguments involve miscommuncations for us, typically something I phrased or spoke in a way he doesn’t like. I admit I don’t think very hard about the way I say things, especially when I’m relaxed and comfortable like I am with him, and he tends to jump to the worst possible conclusion when an interpretation is vague or uncertain.
I really do say things that come out way worse than I meant them to. Sometimes think I have some kind of problem speaking properly, because my tone will often sound like I’m pissy or scornful when I’m actually just tired and I won’t realize it until after I’ve said something that was made upsetting by my tone/connotation of something. My mom is the same way. I don’t really know how to fix it because I don’t hear it.
He’s also working on trying to remember to ask me a question before he flies instantly into anger or hurt. “What did you mean by that?” “Did you mean [insert interpretation]?” “Are you upset/angry?” Instead of directly making accusations about my intent. Especially because being told by someone else what they’ve decided I’m thinking/wanting/trying to do is a SERIOUS hot button for me, so when he does that, it’s like… well I WASN’T pissed, but I am now!
Post # 14
I wouldn’t say my fiance and I fight a lot but we “bicker” fairly frequently. But a lot of it is miscommunication. He gets tired (which is understandable, he’s a teacher, coaches 2 sports and is a full time graduate student) and I feel like he acts annoyed with me, but I try and take a step back and realize hes just tired. He also makes little comments about me being “lazy.” The reason he says this is because I had to leave my job because they wanted me to commit to a year long contract which I could not do because after our wedding I will be moving in with him 2 hours away. So I have not been working the past 6 months and didn’t take on another job because I am also a full-time graduate student and wedding planning back in my hometown. I think he gets a little jealous that I don’t have to work but I get upset when he makes comments about me being lazy because I got to sleep in until 9 (stupid reason to bicker, right? haha).
Our main fights are over his family. Hands down.
Post # 15
@SupermansSweetheart: hah thats hilarious, reminds me of me! i dont realise im in a bad mood related to being hungry but fi has pretty much twigged when it happens so tries to give me a sandwich
one thing i really dont like, is when i say im feeling a certain way and fi dismisses it
“brrrrr im cold!!” ….”newname_99, its not cold at all” “well glad YOU’re not cold, but i am”
“im really tired” ,,,”you can’t be tired, you slept more than i did”
it drives me insane.
im a bit snappy sometimes but i get over it quickly. when fi is annoyed, it lasts for agggges