(Closed) What are your dealbreakers?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

For me personally, I would never have married a man who wasn’t…

1. A strong Christian, committed to his faith, and knowledgable about why he believes what he believes. Involvement in a healthy church was also very important.

2. Responsible and respectful, always! That means not wasteful, not rude, with at least a mild degree of patience and kindness, and an understanding that those are important characteristics. (it’s amazing to me how many people see those things as stupid or effeminate.

3. Intelliegent. I don’t mean a genius, just someone who is thoughtful and well read, and who can construct a solid, logical argument.

4. In agreement with me about certain smaller issues, that I know would cause problems down the line. Things like children, sex, saving, cleanliness, etc.

 

Post # 4
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Emotional, physical, financial, etc. abuse of myself or our children,

Infidelity (what’s the point of being married if you’re sleeping with other people),

Any form of double-life-living (being legally tied to someone without knowing the full range of their activites and business interests would be an issue for me)

General emotional check-out with no desire to work on checking back in.

And, if any weird affinity for Limp Bizkit developed after the wedding, I’d have serious doubts. 😉

 

Post # 5
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It is hard to imagine anything my Fiance could possibly do that would make me not want to be with him.  However, that said, my dealbreakers are:

1.  Cheating

2. Secrets that could affect my life by not knowing (why would someone hide something?)

3.  Any kind of abuse –  physical, emotional, verbal or financial

Post # 6
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have a child from a previous relationship so how a man acts with him/towards him is what matters the most to me (besides fidelity and abuse of course).

Post # 7
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Aside from the previously mentioned abusive behaviour, I’d have to say not wanting children.  I know this is one of the things that should be discussed prior to getting married, but people change their minds.  My ex-husband decided (after we were already married) that children were too expensive and that he didn’t want to pay for them.  That was definately the last straw for me.

Post # 8
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

I would echo the PP’s posts regarding the obvious ones, I could never live with a man who: was not honest with me, engaged in infidelity, was not emotionally stable and not emotionally available or was abusive to me or our children.

Others:

1) Not wanting children and/or not wanting to be equally involved in raising our children together

2) Not adventurous in travel and food

3) Not interested in his community or the world around him (not watching the news or reading, not caring about politics or his community)

4) I couldn’t marry someone who was radically different from me in my core values  (couldn’t marry someone who was: radically religious, didn’t care about his community, radically right wing, not able to be financially responsible)  

Post # 9
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

1. Drugs (aside from a little bit of weed, I don’t mind).

2. Any form of abuse 

3. Not wanting children

4. Being against gay marriage or any form of LGBTQ rights

5. Being financially irresponsible

6. Not willing to try new things (food, travel, etc). 

7. Not an animal lover (has to want pets and really enjoy them)

8. Not getting along with my family. Doesn’t need to be their best friend, but has to at least ‘fit in’ and respect that I’m very close w/ my immediate family.

Good thing SO doesn’t hit any of my dealbreakers haha

Post # 10
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Because you said “aside from abuse,” I’ll say that my one true dealbreaker is infidelity.

There are certainly other things that could contribute to the end of a relationship for me, but infidelity is my one other non-negotiable.

Post # 11
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Dating dealbreakers

– smoking, excessive drinking, drugs, gambling or any other irresponsible addiction

– insincerity

– cheating

– slob

– insecurity about manhood

– no ambition

 

Marriage dealbreakers

* these are on the notion that he did not intend or takes steps to change/fix/remedy

– infidelity (emotional and physical)

– developing above listed irresponsible addictions

– disrespectful

– did not want children

Post # 12
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The obvious ones… but I could never, ever marry a man who didn’t at least believe in gay marriage or women’s right to choose. Personally, I would also need them to support my career choices (including music endeavors). Oh, and they must want and be able to travel.

Post # 13
Member
827 posts
Busy bee

I’m just gonna lump my dating and marriage dealbreakers together:

-any form of abuse

-being a republican/conservative

-being a Slytherin (I got me a Hufflepuff! lol)

-smoking, excessive drinking, other addictions

-believing in spanking children

-infidelity

-being a religious fundie of any kind

Post # 14
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

besides the obvious cheating/abuse, these would be dealbreakers:

-smoking, I hate the smell

-being religious and following the book –I don’t mind spirituality, but I have a huge issue with organized religion and sheep mentality (“blind faith”)

-being sexist, racist, or homophobic

-requires me to take on his last name (ties in with sexist)

-too close-minded

-expects me to cook/clean/do ‘womanly’ things (lol, no)

-isn’t smart

Post # 15
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sense of humor…if he doesn’t have it he has no hope lol.

Post # 16
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

smoking, homophobia/bigotry, and back hair.

 

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