(Closed) What are your expectations of your bridesmaids?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Meggzilla:  All I expected from my BMs was that they pick a dress (they knew the color- they just needed to pick a dress they wanted) + order it on time, I wanted them to attend my shower, and to my bachelorette.  If they hadn’t been able to attend the shower or bach, I would have been OK with that.  

Other than that- I had no literal expectations.  My sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor and I asked for some advice (for which she turned out to be worthless for LOL)– and that was about it.


I think in terms of having BMs attend vendor appointment- it’s almost too much of a hassle, IMO.  It means you not only have to coordinate the vendors schedule with yours, but potentially with someone else’s too.  It might work for some-  but if your BMs have jobs, are married or have children…..have fun with that!



Post # 4
2698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Meggzilla:  I asked them to pick out their dresses. That’s about it so far ahha. I would like everyone to go to the bachelorette, but I get it if some can’t… same with showers and stag. So far 3 of my 5 aren’t coming to the stag. I would have liked some DIY project help, but everyone is pretty busy. Maybe when we’re closer to the wedding and I have more to do I’ll get some help, we’ll see.

I did vendor meetings solo or with my Fiance, I didn’t feel the need to ask bms to come with, plus no one was in town… I’m getting married in my home town, 5 BMs, 4 cities… the only day we’ll all be together is on the wedding day… and perhaps the bachelorette if everyone can make it.

I was pretty disappointed at first because I was expecting the fairy tale engagement where everyone helps, birds sing… all that jazz. Nope. Lol… create some realistic expectations, and plan to do everything yourself. You’ll actaully have a much better time planning solo, too many opinions just complicates things. And you can always share wedding details with the bee! Unlike friends, we never get sick of talking wedding! lol.

Post # 6
1378 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Meggzilla:  I have 2 BMs, 1 Maid/Matron of Honor. All I asked for them to do: pay for 25% of their dress (I paid for the rest) and the alterations, be responsible for their own makeup and hair (one wants to get her hair done with me, so that’ll be fun), wear whatever nice shoes they want, show up to the wedding, help me get ready the morning of the wedding, and to help the 3 Groomsmen help us with music. We asked all the bridal party (and our lovely emcee) to donate/pick out songs that they think would be great at our wedding that we will be playing on an iPod. They’re all hugely into music – one alone has a least 2 weeks straight work of music (literally!), so they’ve got that covered. 🙂 My Maid/Matron of Honor has asked if I want a shower or bachelorette party. She was pretty worried about those, because she’s never arranged either before and is not a drinking/bar person. I hooked her up with my aunt, who offered to do the shower, which helped out things (she’s awesome!), and told my Maid/Matron of Honor that a simple dinner out, paintballing, a movie, spa day, Comic Con, whatever – that’s way better in my eyes than a bar hopping night! She was pretty stoked about that. We’ll all pretty geeky, so I think she’s setting up Comic Con tickets lol. 

One Bridesmaid or Best Man is really good with anything girly – she’s a great artist, so I’ve asked her occasionally if ‘this looks weird’. She’s been helpful with color coordination! Maid/Matron of Honor is great with details and support, so she keeps me on track and not crazy! Bridesmaid or Best Man 3, she’s an old childhood friend, who has the best smile, so it’s great talking with her too! I’m really not expecting anything from them but showing up appropriately attired, help with music, and some basic support. I honestly wasn’t expecting a shower or a bachelorette party at all, and didn’t much care, but my aunt wanted to do the shower, and my Maid/Matron of Honor really wanted to do a bachelorette party. All three girls (plus my aunt, my grandmas, my mom) keep asking what else I need help with. It’s entertaining, because it’s still a year out, but it’s lovely to just have that support sitting there – which is, to me, the most important part of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. 


I would not have anyone but you and your Fiance do the vendors. Having too many people involved seems to be the easiest way for a disaster happening.

Post # 7
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

Meggzilla:  My expectations would be for the bridesmaids to show up on the day of the wedding, wearing the dresses we had agreed upon. 

And to show general good manners at the wedding. Lol. 

Post # 8
2632 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Wear the dress (I’m paying for them), wear silver shoes (asked them to buy those or wear a pair they already have), help me get ready on the day of, stand next to me in the church! One or both may also make a speech, haven’t decided yet.  To be fair, they both live in New Zealand and I’m in Australia (where the wedding will be) so it’s tricky for them to help with DIY or anything else. 

Post # 9
3842 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Meggzilla:  I am asking my bridesmaids to:

  • select their dresses in the color scheme I gave them. I gave them minimal guidelines and besides that they are free to find affordable dresses they are comfortable in and love
  • Take care of their shoes/accessories for the wedding
  • Throw bridal shower
  • Throw bachelorette party
  • Attend rehearsal

Things I am not making optional were nails, hair, and makeup. They can get them done or not. As far as their help, I don’t necessarily expect it, but I’d love it when needed. I keep wedding chat to a bare minimum, so unless it’s brought up, I won’t talk about it. I actually desperately need help with a few DIY things and my friend is seriously so out of control good at these types of things, that I’m waiting on baited breath for her wedding to be over so I can ask for help haha. I don’t want to bother her before then. I didn’t need help selecting vendors or going to appointments, I took care of that either with just myself or Fiance. Other than that, I set up a Facebook group and I’ll mention if I’m going to be doing something that someone might be interested in helping out with/attending. I posted in the group two weeks ago that I was going to be making some of the settings out of the vintage china I’m collecting if anyone wanted to help. Four of the eight bridesmaids turned up (more out of curiosity than to help, haha). I’d like to think I don’t “expect” much. I don’t really have expectations for the bridal shower or bachelorette party. 

Post # 10
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I agree with the basic sentiment of simply showing up on time in the dresses/fur wraps we agreed upon, and whatever shoes/jewelry they want so long as it’s silver. I am hiring a make-up artist but unfortunately I am unable to pay for them to have them done as well, so I am giving the the option to pay for themselves. If they don’t want to that’s also fine, but I expect make-up with at least some type of silver color and similar hairstyles.

Otherwise, at the moment, I’m not really expecting much. I do have one bridemaid who is super ecstatic to go dress shopping with me (both for her and my dress) and already we’ve made plans to go to a bridal show later this month. I did not ask her to do these things, she offered and I’m super duper excited to have her so thrilled to do these things with me. Ideally I’d at least like my other girls with me (except one who lives across the country) for the final choosing of their dress so I ensure I get something they all like (as they’ll all be wearing the same one), and since we have plenty of time I don’t see that being much of a problem.

Besides these things, I’m not really sure what else I even need help with. We’re having minimal DIY, and those we are doing my SO and I want to do ourselves. My same bridesmaid as before has already mentioned throwing a bachelor party which is exciting, but I feel weird talking about it so I’m leaving that entirely up to them and I wouldn’t really be heartbroken if I don’t have one (though maybe having them over at my house with pizza or something would be nice, just to have everyone together close to the wedding). I also don’t expect a bridal shower either since again, I feel weird discussing it, so if I do or don’t get one is up to them. I’ll probably ask them for suggestions for the playlist as my SO knows way more music than I do and I’m not too keen on everything being his taste the whole time haha. Hmmm, perhaps as things get close I might need their help with more things, but as of right now the biggest thing I really need them for is to be a friend and listen to me when I need to rant or gush about lame wedding details 🙂


Edit: Ah shoot, I do have one biggie. I will be asking them to help clean up after. Our venue is giving us exactly one hour to clean up everything we brought on our own, and it will clean up the rest. Since it’s a destination wedding the only things we’ll be bringing our some personal china, centerpieces, the guest book and a few other small odds and ends. Given that we’ll have 8 people in total with the groomsmen to help out, I’m sure they’ll be able to get everything gathered very quickly.


  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  TwinkleBoss.
Post # 11
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Meggzilla:  my girls consist of 2 future SILs, my 13yo dd, a good friend and my BFF is my MoH. I expect them to show up, wear one of the colors I picked, and wear comfy shoes. Oh and wear the pearl sets I’m buying them. They can take advantage of the MU/hair artist too, on me. I guess for my dd, I also expect her to pick a decent hair color, its currently purple. I’d rather it be aqua or pale pink, something more wedding appropriate lol.

Other than that, I don’t expect much. My MoH is doing a lot with me, but that’s more because she’s fabulous and we’re always together anyway.

Post # 12
1164 posts
Bumble bee

Meggzilla:  the adult one: come with me to choose my dress, take me with her when  she chose her dress, help my mum with ideas for the hen party, listen to me talk about boring wedding stuff every now and then, share a room at the hotel with me the night before the wedding,  help me get dressed etc, do a speech. The children: turn up and look cute.

Post # 13
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Meggzilla:  Organise a bachelorette, let me choose their wedding look (bridemaid dress, shoes, hair), be at the wedding rehearsal, be at my house the morning of the wedding to get ready together. (If I was in North America I’d add to that list: organise a brifal shower).

Anything else was optional. My two girls (sister and best friend) both helped with some other things, which was great, but they didn’t have to.

Post # 14
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

My expectations: pay me back for their dresses (I paid for them upfront since they’re from etsy and it made me feel better to be in charge of ordering them since they all have busy lives) or in my brother’s case (he’s standing on my side) to pay for his outfit, pick silver flats (or converses in my brother’s case) that they’ll be comfortable in, show up on time for the wedding day/rehearsal, and throw me a bachelorette party.  

The last is only an expectation because I already knew my Maid/Matron of Honor is throwing me a party.  So maybe it’s not really an expectation since she’s been planning it since before I was engaged, haha.  I’d like them to help with DIY stuff, but it’s not really something I’ll be pissed about if they’re too busy to do.  

Post # 15
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Meggzilla:  considering 2/4 of my bridal part doesn’t live in my toan (1 is 3.5 hours away, and 1 is in Hawaii.. We’re in illinois, lol) I don’t really expect to much. My sister isy Maid/Matron of Honor and will probably be worthless for anything. So, I’ve basically just been keeping my mom with a ton of stuff. My other Bridesmaid or Best Man, lives in town but works FT and goes to school, she will help with whatever I would ask of her though. 


I hope all attend the Bach party.. But it depends where we have it, a lot of girls going have children, myself included. 

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