Post # 32
Wow, I’ve never thought of having fighting rules. We hardly ever fight and would NEVER swear at each other or say something like “you’re fat/stupid/etc.” Neither of us have ever stormed out or left the house or slept on the couch. We never yell either; sometimes he will raise his voice but lowers it when I ask him to (I grew up in a yelling house and I hate yelling). I guess we have unspoken fight rules.
Post # 33
I come from parents who screamed at each other, constantly threatened divorce without a second thought, and called each other names during fights. That was my lesson on how not to fight. If I threaten to divorce my DH then he knows I am serious and to get the papers. I don’t believe in throwing that word around and using it as leverage in any way. We don’t swear at each other, ever – I feel like that is totally disrespectful and unnecessary. My Fiance swears like a sailor, but he would never dare swear at me and hasn’t yet in 12 years. I also am the type that needs to talk about an issue and have it resolved. I refuse to play the silent treatment game with someone, so every problem is always talked about and solved at some point, rather than brushing it under the rug to fester.
Oh, and no physical violence, of course.
None of these were ever rules we talked about or laid down, its just the way we argue because we respect one another.
Post # 34
@ashleyr0512: I don’t know if we really have any rules…we did before but sometimes they change. I used to ask him to leave the room if I’m upset so I can have space but sometimes it would backfire so it’s hard to know how to handle each time.
I think it’s an unspoken rule though, no name-calling, no hitting, no grabbing (I have PTSD and that’s a trigger), no threatening with divorce/break-up etc. unless you really mean it.